Ring Rats Anonymous: UCW-Zero Incarceration Live TV Taping @ UCW Arena 11.30

Posted December 3, 2013 in
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Illustration: Dylan Chadwick

Last Saturday night, punctuated by a giant steel cage and a crowded arena, UCW-Zero had one of their finest moments as a company. It was a night of great rivalries mounting to a head, excellent plot twists and more than enough blood n’ carnage to keep any wrestling fan content.

The night started with an ominous Fatal 4-Way between Dante Acosta, Durango Kid, G.T. Busan and Jace Battle. Acosta showed his sheisty colors right off the bat, doing his darndest to scramble out of the cage before the bell had even rung. The highlights of the match included an amazing display of athletic prowess per Busan, who scaled the cage like Vega (that’s a Street Fighter reference) and near deafening chants of “Battle! Battle!” from the crowd. Durango Kid was the first to escape the cage, and the simmering internal struggle between himself and Dante Acosta belched forth into a boil. The fight escalated outside of the ring, with Acosta eventually being escorted out of the arena by refs. A disappointing turn of events for sure, but one that’s been building for quite some time.
Tommy Purr’s entrance deserves its own column, but just know that seeing him parade around the ring in a zebra-print vest and the women’s belt held high atop his head (Yeah, that’s right, he’s holding the women’s title) was a sight. Before Purr could get too deep into his peacocking, commissioner MK explained that Morgan (who’d been originally scheduled to face Purr in the cage) still wasn’t medically cleared to wrestle that night, and so Sierra Rose would be taking her place. The match started with some good ol’ fashioned cat-fighting in the center of the cage, with Sierra getting an edge on Purr by mashing him into the wire-caging with her feet. Eventually, Purr turned the match in his favor (“it’s all legal, baby!”) and won by brutalizing her. Still, Sierra showcased some incredible talent, and the match was a scorcher. Purr’s cheap victory seasoned his ending heel promo (“the dawn of the man diva”) into something ribald and hilarious. A scorcher of a match.
I promised myself that I wouldn’t spill too much ink on the company’s pre-eminent heel stable (The Crime Family), but I lied. Cassidy, Deacon of Doom and Dark Angel’s thundering heel pop is a sight to behold! I’ve never seen a crowd get more heated more quickly (you know that strip tease on the top rope was straight out of the Degeneration X playbook), and that’s why they’re some of the best around. Their opponents, David the Destroyer and Kid Kade, may represent the company’s “heroes,” but as a dear friend once eloquently put it: “Batman is only as good as the joker is evil”—words to live by. Though trundling to the ring with barrels full of chutzpah and swagger, Deacon and Dark Angel sang a vastly different tune when the bell rang and quickly weasled out, leaving a befuddled Cassidy to fend for himself at the hands of Kade and DTD. Though the Crime Family left the arena belt-less, I know it won’t be the last we see of them … and god bless ’em for it.
Arguably the show’s most anticipated event was the matchup between Dallas Murdock and Bronson. Remember how MK put this one together because it’d be “what the fans want?” Well, he was right! Bronson’s “mental patient” routine had nothing on Murdock who was hungry for war from the beginning. Bronson spent the majority of the match simply trying to escape the cage. He had some cheap moments, but Murdock’s victory was sealed when he started to turn things around.
Things got a little out of hand when Bronson started freaking out on the ref (props to whoever in the crowd yelled, “Shaken Baby Syndrome!”) and Murdock put him into a pin. However, before the ref could get to the three count, Murdock broke it and slid Bronson into what resembled a sharpshooter hold, putting more and more pressure on him until he finally submitted. The reaction was incredible and the color that both wrestlers managed to cop made this a match for the ages. Incredible stuff.