Ring Rats Anonymous: UCW Zero Live TV Taping @ UCW Arena 10.19

Posted October 22, 2013 in
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Illustration: Dylan Chadwick

The UCW-Zero arena was a hive of upsets, anxieties, heel-turns and, of course, top notch rasslin’ this past Saturday.

Festivities began with a recently “heeled” Derrick Janetty full-on inviting the audience to go to hell and a hearty proclamation that both he and Martin Casaus would be holding on to the Tag Team championship, by hook or by crook, to an arena-wide flurry of boos. This was until the American Pitbulls, comprised of Jason Jaxon and “The Captain” Craig Stevens arrived to issue their challenge for the belt, all to take place during the main event match. With the crowd tense n’ ready for the melees to take place, the event was underway.
The first match was scheduled for a one fall between Jayson Bravo and Gabriel, and ended fairly quickly. Though Gabriel showed some incredible technique and prowess (at times, recalling the move-set of some Street Fighter characters), Bravo eked out the win by utilizing his size and experience to essentially brutalize his opponent, forcing the latter to tap out. 
One of the most exciting matches of the night came at the hands of Lacy Ryan cashing in on her opportunity to face über–prima donna Suede Thompson for the Ultra X Championship. Her entrance was incredible, garnering a huge reaction from the fans and a pop for the ages. Thompson brought some baby powder and an ironing board to the ring, presumably to prove that he’s not, in fact, a huge mama’s boy and can do his own laundry. The match began a fairly evenly sided affair … that is, until Thompson made the mistake of calling Ryan that nasty B-word, which seemed to ignite her into a frenzy that couldn’t be calmed until she was holding the belt. Highlights include Ryan heave ho-ing Thompson into a cluster of audience chairs (no joke, she literally had us all get up and move), the ref actually being knocked unconscious at one point, and Ryan cinching a win with this (see video) deftly executed frog splash. An amazing match and a deserving winner!
Jace Battle held his own against Zack James, quite visibly out-sizing the cruiserweight. However, the real heat started when Jayson Bravo emerged from the locker room, most likely high and cocky off his earlier win, to start flirting with Sierra Rose on the ring apron, asking her if she wanted a “real man.” The greasy gesture obviously rattled the beleaguered James, (though he needn’t worry, as Sierra can clearly hold her own!) and he lost to Battle in the end.
Cassidy is one of the promotions best bad guys, and so his entrance (along with Dark Angel) was a corybantic wave of boos, hisses and cat-calls. He even dissed some kid’s mullet! The dude gets great heat, and it was even more amplified as he laid waste to purple-suited good guy Kid Kade. At one point, Deacon of Doom left his post as a guest commentator to assist in the carnage, and they even tied up Kade in the ropes, forcing him to count out and relinquish the match. Seriously, if you’re a fan of classic wrestling baddies, and you’re not up on Cassidy and Deacon of Doom, you need to familiarize yourselves, because these dudes BRING it like the Volkoff and Dibiase in the ’80s.
Bronson’s surprise arrived in a triple threat match against Durango Kid and Dante Acosta, who have some sort of good-guy alliance going. Though Bronson showed some promise for a win (even going as far as to ripping a kid’s “Durango Kid” sign), crowd rattling and the inimitable “looney tune!” chant clearly threw him off his game a little bit, enough to where Durango Kid managed to turn it around temporarily (see video).
Bronson still snuck out a win, but the match’s most pivotal moment came at the end in which a visibly shaken Acosta refused Durango Kid’s assistance to his feet at the end. I smell a story line!
UCW-Zero’s first-ever “Trick or Treat” match was chock full of laughs and gimmicks, as Las Vegas’s own Tommy Purr (the man diva) emerged from the back to the Mortal Kombat theme, dressed as a samurai handing out Hello Kitty suckers to the crowd (can’t make this up). His opponent, Sierra Rose, quickly took to the match’s parameters (each opponent is given a treat bag, full of weapons which they can use against each other), and beat the living tar out of him with a broomstick and a cat-o-nine-tails whip (see video). Other hi-jinx included a can of hairspray temporarily blinding Purr, and the loud blast of an air-horn. Despite it all, Purr used his bizarre psychology and unconventional move set to enact a victory, leaving both Sierra Rose and Zack James winless in the night’s proceedings.
The main event, a triple threat contest for the Tag Team championship between the aforementioned Martin Casaus and Derrick Janetty, Junior X and Los Mochis Paco (aka The 801 District) and 11-month title holders The American Pitbulls, was finally underway.
For a full recap of the event, I’d recommend tuning in to UCW-Zero’s Youtube channel when the episode goes to air. I’ll only give the highlights:
–Janetty and Casaus enter to Madball’s “Set it Off” (yes it’s relevant) and immediately begin an altercation outside of the ring.
–The American pitbulls showcase some incredible team work and technicality in the ring, a testament to their 11-month reign as tag team title holders.
–Janetty getting a little bit of color (a bloody nose) and Casaus baring his butt-cheeks to the crowd (not a joke).
–Los Mochis Paco copping a phenomenal elbow drop on both Casaus and Janetty outside the ring
–The re-emergence of Stevie Slick going full heel and intentionally botching another elbow drop by Los Mochis Paco! Incredible heel trickery—you’ve got to see to believe!
–See the video for a small sampling of the carnage, including Derrick Jannety’s unbelievable suplex.
It was another top-notch wrestling event in Salt Lake City. Huzzah for all those who made it out. Be sure to catch the next match-up Nov. 2 at the UCW arena (47 S. Orange St.), to follow UCW-Zero on Facebook and Twitter (@UCWzero) and to subscribe to the Youtube channel. Oh, and above all else, remember that nothing happens until the bad guy shows up. Stay heel.