Ring Rats Anonymous: UCW-Zero Live TV Taping @ UCW Arena 12.15

Posted December 18, 2013 in
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Illustration: Dylan Chadwick

The thing about bad weather is … it sucks. No one wants to drive in it. Big ups to the fans, wrestlers and commentators who braved unsavory elements and icy walkways to piece together a commendable meat n’ taters wrasslin’ show.

This was Durango Kid’s first outing since his acrimonious split with former tag team partner Dante Acosta. While the journeyman held a few good armbars, his opponent, Lacey Ryan, prevailed with her signature brand of high-octane, acrobatic wrestling. Unfortunately for both of ’em, though, Stevie Slick, Derrick Jannetty and Martin Casaus ran in and disrupted all the proceedings to whine about not having the belts, resulting in a verbal altercation with the 801 District (Los Mochis Paco and Junior X). Luckily, M.K. was able to stave off the hot nerves with the challenge of a 6-man tag match.

A heartfelt goodbye from a staple of the promotion, Deacon of Doom came next. Nothing corny here (but a fair amount of crepe streamers), just straight shooting. An incredible worker, a perfect heel personality (he once tried to pick up my girlfriend when I brought her to a taping), and by all accounts, a joy to work with in the ring, the Deacon will most certainly be missed. Onward and upward, brother.

The triple threat affair between Kid Kade, Dallas Murdock and David the Destroyer was an absolute barn burner with the latter using his size advantage to power through both of them for most of the match. Kade worked the crowd into a hard lather with his signature catchphrase (“Lemme hear something!”), but ultimately, it was a weary Murdock who clinched the win with some well-timed pinning and a bloody reminder to everyone that he’s back and ready for more brawling.

The company’s perennial “Looney Tune” appears to be off his meds again. At least, that’s the only conclusion I can draw while watching him crawl towards the ring like some kind of drunken drama-club drop out. He tried to have his way with Bryan Austin, fresh faced and greener than goose-shit in wrestling years, by sadistically choking him in the ropes. However, a quick-thinking Austin used Bronson’s own exaggerated moves against him, and managed to sneak in a quick pin for his first win and a significant upset! Just check out the photo of Bronson sulking for proof.