Ring Rats Anonymous: UCW-Zero TV Taping @ UCW Arena 04.05

Posted April 11, 2014 in
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Illustration: Dylan Chadwick

Wrestlemania weekend. Where dreams, story lines (and in this case) prestigious winning streaks screech to a halt. Hoping all your ‘Mania celebrations were as great as mine. Now on to the real stuff: UCW-Zero’s latest TV taping!

The night began with M.K. praising us, the fans, for being the best in the country (thanks!), followed by an obnoxious interruption by some equally obnoxious techno music. This all happened to be Dante Acosta’s entrance theme, but still man, why are you gonna step on the commissioner’s speech when he’s complimenting us? Amid a chorus of "Dante sucks!" the newly returned double-crosser snatched the mic to issue a challenge to Durango Kid for a shot at his title. Kid agreed and a match immediately ensued.
 
Dante Acosta (w/ Brandon Austin) v. Durango Kid
Dante Acosta cut a decent heel promo, lending some gravitas to the affair, and I also like the direction Durango Kid is taking his character, acting a little bit cocky with the title. Brandon Austin is my favorite, though. Pacing outside the ring like a heel manager of old, he managed to get his licks in here and there, adding his own brand of sarcastic commentary wherever he could. Ultimately, Acosta stayed up most of the match by bullying Durango Kid, thwarting an attempted pile driver and even wrangling him into (what I’m calling) an inverted surfboard. However, cheating can only carry us so far in this life (insert joke about philandering professional athletes here), and so it wasn’t long before the whole thing ended in a DQ with no title change, and Kid retained the title by default. I’m most interested in how the Acosta + Austin partnership will play out, and how long it’ll take the latter to make his way up the card, because he’s got great charisma as it is.
 
Morgan v. Sierra Rose
It’s great to see Morgan back and ready to smack some sense into Sierra. M.K. even went as far as to let us know that fans had been tweeting and emailing the company pleading with the higher-ups to end her shenanigans. While this didn’t seem like a likely outcome, M.K. volunteered himself as Morgan’s partner to account for Jayson Bravo’s interferences. Amid the ubiquitous chants of "STD" and "Sierra Blows," M.K. even threatened to disqualify Bravo if he didn’t knock off his bad behavior. The two competitors raged, throwing one another into various submission holds and some of the most thunderous chops I’ve heard live, but due to those aforementioned shenanigans, the match was declared a no-contest and has been re-scheduled for April 19. This one is going to be a banger, so don’t sleep on it!
 
Dark Angel Promo
Accompanied by ring announcer and de facto sign language interpreter Laylee Dee, Dark Angel thanked the UCW fans for their support, for their loyalty and for their willingness to throw jazz hands up in support of a deaf wrestler pursuing his dream. He made it known that it’s his ultimate goal to become heavyweight champion and now that he’s been in the ring a few times, it’s practically imminent. 
 
Martin Casaus (w/ Stevie Slick) v. Alexander Hammerstone
Alexander Hammerstone was billed from "Valhalla," so I already knew they were going with a viking gimmick. However, I’m a product of the early ’90s WWF, so this kind of action is my bread n’ buttah. I really got a big kick out of a bunch of indie wrestling fans cheering him as a face JUST because he’s going up against Casaus and Slick. He had great charisma and a compelling entrance, and the crowd loved him. Hell, I even loved his Hogan-esque leg drop spots. While the two were evenly matched, Casaus’ inability to garner any kind of crowd support, mixed with Slick’s constant interference, seemed to be wearing on him. What I’ve really got to mention here is the sheer amount of suplexing going on between these two competitors. Holy diver, one after another like a Taz-taught wrestling clinic circa 1995. "This is how you suplex." "No, THIS is how you suplex!" Ultimately, Martin won, but methinks (and it could be the gleaming loogie he hawked across Slick’s face) that he’s getting a little bit tired of Slick and his dastardly involvement. A face turn? A breakup in the partnership? We’ll wait. Anyway, great to see a new face and a great match.