SLUG: What do you think about the Natty Light culture?
Rouse: It’s hard to want to pay any attention to this stuff. You feel like you’re encouraging it somehow, like looking at Juggalos on the train. The brand stands out in shit-beerlandia by constantly making itself look like a huge fratty douchebag and tasting like an actual douche.
SLUG: Would you recommend Natty to a friend?
Rouse: Never buy this. Buy water and throw up in it.
Olympia: Rob Packard, chef at Tin Angel Café
SLUG: When did you start drinking Olympia?
Packard: When I woke up this morning.
SLUG: Have you ever drank Olympia to get rid of a hangover?
Packard: I’ve woken up in the band room, and there was a half an Olympia, and I drank it. But I don’t think it was to get rid of a hangover. I drink too much to get hangovers.
SLUG: What is the determining factor of what cheap beer you choose to drink?
Packard: Location is key. When you’re out east, you drink Yuengling, which is America’s oldest brewery. When you’re in Canada, you drink Kokanee. In Seattle, you drink Rainier. If you’re anywhere that has Pabst, you drink Pabst. Sometimes at the Albertsons near my house, the Pabst is warm, so you get the Olympia because it’s cold. A lot of times when my friend Tony’s dad goes to New Mexico, he brings Schlitz. Schlitz isn’t bad. It’s alright. What’s funny is that Olympia is kind of like a last resort. Fuck, I’ll drink anything.
SLUG: Would you like to give any advice to the cheap beer drinkers of the world?
Packard: Always drink cheap beer. If you think Budweiser is cheap, then you’re a construction worker (I omitted the bit about being Mexican, okay?).
Keystone: Shaun “Elf” Waters, BMX team rider for 5050
SLUG: Why do you drink Keystone?
Elf: It’s cheap, plain and simple.
SLUG: When did you start drinking Keystone?
Elf: As soon as I was old enough to have my own money and someone could buy it for me.