Soccer Dad and the People in Your NeighborhoodTrue Tales of an SLC Cabbie
Issue 201 / September 2005 More from this Issue
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Episode #7: Free Jaegermeister
By The Incredulous Gadianton
vicdic66@hotmail.com
The Outdoor Retailer Convention is the biggest convention to come to Salt Lake City annually, and the cabbies speak of it with a reverence, probably not unlike that of rural bumpkins speaking of the circus. I mean, the money is truly ungodly-the first official night of the convention (Thursday), I took home roughly three hundred dollars cash money. Not only that, but the patrons were generally drunk, friendly and just happy to be here; good vibes all around as twenty to thirty thousand (estimates vary) people all networked and tried to get into the very exclusive, very private Black Eyed Peas show upstairs at Port O' Call, among other events. Yep, I was actually looking forward to going to work on Friday night. I got to headquarters around three in the afternoon and quickly learned that the car that I had signed up for, #46, had broken down during the day shift-bad, bad news considering that all available cabs had been spoken for on the sign-up sheet. I was going to have to wait, perhaps hours, to see if I could get into something via cancellation. I slouched into a shoddy chair in the lobby and began reading a book I had checked out earlier in the day, Killing Yourself to Live by Chuck Klosterman (he's that guy who wrote Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs and I was the first one to get his new book at the library). "I am a patient boyI'll wait, I'll wait, I'll wait, I'll wait" As I read about Chuck's journey across America to visit the various sites where various rock stars had met their untimely demises, I could feel my feet getting rather itchy. Yeah, fuck waiting. I got up and bolted, but I figured that I had better go out and have three hundred dollars worth of fun if I was going to have any fun at all.
I made it to my friend Raemie's house and we had someumbeer. Yeah, beer, that's it. With cotton in our mouths, we decided to go to the liquor store-Jack Daniel's and a sensibly priced bottle of cabernet sauvignon. After a few shots of whiskey and a couple of episodes of Sex in the City (Season Three), we called a cab and went to The Urban Lounge. It was Localized and SLUG had a two-hundred dollar tab. Free Jaegermeister!!!! I sat in the corner with Raemie and Rob and I was totally swimming. The first band, AODL, was merely a boy with an amp and lots of noise. It was excruciating. Plus I've been listening to a buttload of Godspeed, You Black Emporer and their various side projects lately, so perhaps I just wasn't in the mood. The three of us decided to go to Burt's to see The Red Bennies and Starmy instead.
I should mention that we walked there. I should also mention that I did a brief calculation of how much fun I was having and I decided that I needed to step it up. I mean, I was drunk and all, but nothing crazy had happened yet. I debated various acts of vandalism along the way, but couldn't pull the trigger. What a pussy.
By The Incredulous Gadianton
vicdic66@hotmail.com
The Outdoor Retailer Convention is the biggest convention to come to Salt Lake City annually, and the cabbies speak of it with a reverence, probably not unlike that of rural bumpkins speaking of the circus. I mean, the money is truly ungodly-the first official night of the convention (Thursday), I took home roughly three hundred dollars cash money. Not only that, but the patrons were generally drunk, friendly and just happy to be here; good vibes all around as twenty to thirty thousand (estimates vary) people all networked and tried to get into the very exclusive, very private Black Eyed Peas show upstairs at Port O' Call, among other events. Yep, I was actually looking forward to going to work on Friday night. I got to headquarters around three in the afternoon and quickly learned that the car that I had signed up for, #46, had broken down during the day shift-bad, bad news considering that all available cabs had been spoken for on the sign-up sheet. I was going to have to wait, perhaps hours, to see if I could get into something via cancellation. I slouched into a shoddy chair in the lobby and began reading a book I had checked out earlier in the day, Killing Yourself to Live by Chuck Klosterman (he's that guy who wrote Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs and I was the first one to get his new book at the library). "I am a patient boyI'll wait, I'll wait, I'll wait, I'll wait" As I read about Chuck's journey across America to visit the various sites where various rock stars had met their untimely demises, I could feel my feet getting rather itchy. Yeah, fuck waiting. I got up and bolted, but I figured that I had better go out and have three hundred dollars worth of fun if I was going to have any fun at all.
I made it to my friend Raemie's house and we had someumbeer. Yeah, beer, that's it. With cotton in our mouths, we decided to go to the liquor store-Jack Daniel's and a sensibly priced bottle of cabernet sauvignon. After a few shots of whiskey and a couple of episodes of Sex in the City (Season Three), we called a cab and went to The Urban Lounge. It was Localized and SLUG had a two-hundred dollar tab. Free Jaegermeister!!!! I sat in the corner with Raemie and Rob and I was totally swimming. The first band, AODL, was merely a boy with an amp and lots of noise. It was excruciating. Plus I've been listening to a buttload of Godspeed, You Black Emporer and their various side projects lately, so perhaps I just wasn't in the mood. The three of us decided to go to Burt's to see The Red Bennies and Starmy instead.
I should mention that we walked there. I should also mention that I did a brief calculation of how much fun I was having and I decided that I needed to step it up. I mean, I was drunk and all, but nothing crazy had happened yet. I debated various acts of vandalism along the way, but couldn't pull the trigger. What a pussy.
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