Dear Dickheads
Issue 237 / September 2008 More from this Issue
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Dear Dckheads,
You guys are a badassmagazine. Youre chock full oflocally-produce literary goodnessand local ads that help keep SLCmore like afarmer's market and less like aWal-Mart.
But I have a bone to pick withyou... You say the word Fuck toomuch.
Admittedly, no other wordexpresses so well the angstand frustration that normalpeople like you and I feel frombeing repressed by a theocraticsociety. But in the Ska issue(#235), it looked like the wordwas being tossed around withsuch carelessness that it wasin danger of losing its preciousmeaning.
It's a sad day when you build upa tolerance to Fuck, and thenhave to fucking use it in-befucking-tween every other fuckingwordfuck just for shock value.Therefore, I present to you achallenge: to go an entire issuewithout dropping one F-bomb.You can call it the No-Fuck issue.So how about it, SLUG?
Let's take a Fuck detox and letour precious word regain someof itsglorious meaning, and only use itwhen it's absolutely necessary.
-Nick Mostert
Dear Noobie Nick,
Have you ever read a bookby anyone besides HenryRollins? Since when did theword fuck ever hold "preciousmeaning" as you call it? Tosay fuck is more like a grunt,a reflex, that's uncalculatedand reactionary. It is likespitting on the pavement. Doyou follow people around andcensor them for spitting onthe pavement and soiling thedelicate message of a wad ofsnot and saliva pervading thepavement? Read a fuckingbook man. There are plentyof overused, worthy words tosave, like shit, bitch and cunt.
Dear Dickheads,
Thank you so much for mags.I owe ya big time! At this time Imust ask that you send no more.I am being released and will mostlikely be heading to Reno N.V. (Itseems they want a piece of myass as well.) But I will be back tothe Great Salt City. ("The Lake"as known by us cons.) And backon the scene.
I would be willing to repay yourkindness in any way. Such asvolunteering for any grunt workyou might have. Or just payingthe $15 subscription price.Whatever. I love this city and Ilove your mag. Way to keep itreal! Anyway, I just wanted to letyou know not to send anymore.Now, to all you dickheads outthere. You know who you are! I'vepayed my debt to this great statefor possession of a controlledsubstance and felony fleeing. Soget off my ass! Remember, judgenot lest ye be judged. Blah, blah,blah! And so forth, and so on.Peace out!
The Utah Outlaw
P.S. Thanx again! And FuckU.D.C!
Dear Utah Outlaw,
No grunt work needed, justtell your friends, cell matesand enemies about SLUG Magand that they can get theirown year long subscriptionto the mag for a measly $15.And unlike the book AmericanHardcore, we have yet tobe banned from any prisonsystem for objectionablematerialthe prison guardsmust not be reading MikeBrown's column eh? Goodluck in Reno dude. Stayaway from those controlledsubstances.
Love,
SLUG Magazine
xo
You guys are a badassmagazine. Youre chock full oflocally-produce literary goodnessand local ads that help keep SLCmore like afarmer's market and less like aWal-Mart.
But I have a bone to pick withyou... You say the word Fuck toomuch.
Admittedly, no other wordexpresses so well the angstand frustration that normalpeople like you and I feel frombeing repressed by a theocraticsociety. But in the Ska issue(#235), it looked like the wordwas being tossed around withsuch carelessness that it wasin danger of losing its preciousmeaning.
It's a sad day when you build upa tolerance to Fuck, and thenhave to fucking use it in-befucking-tween every other fuckingwordfuck just for shock value.Therefore, I present to you achallenge: to go an entire issuewithout dropping one F-bomb.You can call it the No-Fuck issue.So how about it, SLUG?
Let's take a Fuck detox and letour precious word regain someof itsglorious meaning, and only use itwhen it's absolutely necessary.
-Nick Mostert
Dear Noobie Nick,
Have you ever read a bookby anyone besides HenryRollins? Since when did theword fuck ever hold "preciousmeaning" as you call it? Tosay fuck is more like a grunt,a reflex, that's uncalculatedand reactionary. It is likespitting on the pavement. Doyou follow people around andcensor them for spitting onthe pavement and soiling thedelicate message of a wad ofsnot and saliva pervading thepavement? Read a fuckingbook man. There are plentyof overused, worthy words tosave, like shit, bitch and cunt.
Dear Dickheads,
Thank you so much for mags.I owe ya big time! At this time Imust ask that you send no more.I am being released and will mostlikely be heading to Reno N.V. (Itseems they want a piece of myass as well.) But I will be back tothe Great Salt City. ("The Lake"as known by us cons.) And backon the scene.
I would be willing to repay yourkindness in any way. Such asvolunteering for any grunt workyou might have. Or just payingthe $15 subscription price.Whatever. I love this city and Ilove your mag. Way to keep itreal! Anyway, I just wanted to letyou know not to send anymore.Now, to all you dickheads outthere. You know who you are! I'vepayed my debt to this great statefor possession of a controlledsubstance and felony fleeing. Soget off my ass! Remember, judgenot lest ye be judged. Blah, blah,blah! And so forth, and so on.Peace out!
The Utah Outlaw
P.S. Thanx again! And FuckU.D.C!
Dear Utah Outlaw,
No grunt work needed, justtell your friends, cell matesand enemies about SLUG Magand that they can get theirown year long subscriptionto the mag for a measly $15.And unlike the book AmericanHardcore, we have yet tobe banned from any prisonsystem for objectionablematerialthe prison guardsmust not be reading MikeBrown's column eh? Goodluck in Reno dude. Stayaway from those controlledsubstances.
Love,
SLUG Magazine
xo
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