Dear Dickheads
Issue 240 / December 2008 More from this Issue
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Dear Dickheads,
What is the motivation behindpurchasing a membership toa bar or club if the bartendersalways treat you like an outsider?Even if I had a voluptuous pair oftits, I probably wouldn’t be ableto get good service at nine outof ten Salt Lake bars simply becauseI don’t look cool enough.It seems like purchasing a bar/club membership grants a patronno more than admission. If youwant good service then you’dbetter see about giving one ofthe bartenders a blowjob on hisbreak. Wait, fuck that, why wouldI want watered down shots witha smile? Why don’t you make mewait 15 minutes, slap me in theface, and then throw that fuckingdrink in my face? How’s that?Or, I could save all the membershipmoney I would theoreticallypay over the next ten years, andopen a fucking club of my ownand charge all you assholes amembership to get in. What goesaround comes around bitch.
Dear Disgruntled SLUG Reader,
Gotta’ look good to get treatedgood, sucka! Grow an ironicmustache, get some deepAmerican apparel V’s and skinnyjeans then ride to the bar onyour fix gear bike––and see howquickly that bar tender changeshis attitude. We know it’s notfair, but nothing is. If that plandoesn’t work find one of thosesuper wasted and super hot EdieSedgwick style girls who havedaddy issues to tote around––they always get the best servicein the hip spots around town.
Dear Dickheads,
The Mayan really? What in theworld made you review them? Doyou know anyone who has eatenthere by choice? –C
Dear C,
Yes,I know someone who eatenthere by choice — SLUG’s ownfood critic, Fred Worbon. SorryPal, ask a stupid question, get astupid answer.
Dear Dickheads,
I just read some of your magazine,it is killer, I love it. Just whatUtah needs.
-Mr. Bill
Salt Lake City, Utah
Scikotics - HMFIC Salt Lake CityChapter
http://www.scikotics.com/forums
Dear Mr. Bill,
Your ass-kissing attempt at gainingfree publicity for your onlinecar forum worked. Look! Yourname and url is finally in-print!Don’t bother with a follow up letterrequesting coverage — This iswhere your road ends, Buddy.
Fax, snail mail or emailus your letters!
Fax:801.487.1359
Mailing Address:
Dear Dickheads
c/o SLUG Mag
351 Pierpont Ave. Ste.4B
SLC, UT 84101,or dickheads@slugmag.com
What is the motivation behindpurchasing a membership toa bar or club if the bartendersalways treat you like an outsider?Even if I had a voluptuous pair oftits, I probably wouldn’t be ableto get good service at nine outof ten Salt Lake bars simply becauseI don’t look cool enough.It seems like purchasing a bar/club membership grants a patronno more than admission. If youwant good service then you’dbetter see about giving one ofthe bartenders a blowjob on hisbreak. Wait, fuck that, why wouldI want watered down shots witha smile? Why don’t you make mewait 15 minutes, slap me in theface, and then throw that fuckingdrink in my face? How’s that?Or, I could save all the membershipmoney I would theoreticallypay over the next ten years, andopen a fucking club of my ownand charge all you assholes amembership to get in. What goesaround comes around bitch.
Dear Disgruntled SLUG Reader,
Gotta’ look good to get treatedgood, sucka! Grow an ironicmustache, get some deepAmerican apparel V’s and skinnyjeans then ride to the bar onyour fix gear bike––and see howquickly that bar tender changeshis attitude. We know it’s notfair, but nothing is. If that plandoesn’t work find one of thosesuper wasted and super hot EdieSedgwick style girls who havedaddy issues to tote around––they always get the best servicein the hip spots around town.
Dear Dickheads,
The Mayan really? What in theworld made you review them? Doyou know anyone who has eatenthere by choice? –C
Dear C,
Yes,I know someone who eatenthere by choice — SLUG’s ownfood critic, Fred Worbon. SorryPal, ask a stupid question, get astupid answer.
Dear Dickheads,
I just read some of your magazine,it is killer, I love it. Just whatUtah needs.
-Mr. Bill
Salt Lake City, Utah
Scikotics - HMFIC Salt Lake CityChapter
http://www.scikotics.com/forums
Dear Mr. Bill,
Your ass-kissing attempt at gainingfree publicity for your onlinecar forum worked. Look! Yourname and url is finally in-print!Don’t bother with a follow up letterrequesting coverage — This iswhere your road ends, Buddy.
Fax, snail mail or emailus your letters!
Fax:801.487.1359
Mailing Address:
Dear Dickheads
c/o SLUG Mag
351 Pierpont Ave. Ste.4B
SLC, UT 84101,or dickheads@slugmag.com
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