The Princess and the Pro

People constantly ask me how I keep my lithe stature and showgirl calfs. My answer is as simple as my regimen: a mix of bicycling with light jazz-handing on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I’m an avid cyclist 365 days. Like, haven’t-owned-a-car-in-15 years, rode-my-bike-across-Europe-twice kind of enthusiast. Riding your bike to the store or work or the corner allows you the freedom to eat what you want and not spend countless hours in the gym. In fact, I think that if you live, like millions of Americans, within a two-mile radius of your life, then you’re a total dumbass for even owning and wasting thousands of dollars yearly on an auto. One of the concerns about bike riding I’ve heard is people not wanting to be sweaty when they get to work. First off, if you bike a mile, to work and can’t recover with a change of shirt and a quick whore’s bath, then get to a doctor pronto and ride the bike a lot more. The city is wonderfully flat and you’d be surprised at how easy it actually is to get around in the winter. Just bundle up and take side streets, they get plowed in the morning and no one is on them.

 I’ve decided to immerse myself in bike nation while I write this month’s column and find out the madness of the passion, hoping to talk at least one of you into winter cycling. I started by pulling inspiration, as I always do, with a photo shoot by the amazing David Newkirk. I asked two of my friends to be in the photos with me: one that has something to do with the BMX world, and one first time bike owner, seven-year-old Sawyer Evan. I asked these two in particular in an attempt to capture the spectrum from the beginning rites of passage of bike riding to the professional. High art!

Next, I decided to hang with our friends we met at Pride for a couple of nights: the Salt Lake Bike Collective, who valets bikes for the Farmer’s Market and the Twilight Concert Series. The Salt Lake Bike Collective have been around for seven years and do a lot of good things for the community, including charity work, youth programs, community service provision and rights activism. Monday nights from 5 p.m. to 9 p.m. they have this really cool arrangement to come in and volunteer time working on bikes for people of all needs: refugees, missionaries, victims, low-income families and fellow care providers. I was totally blown off my stilettos by the laborers’ dedication and enthusiasm towards the cause. All types of talent from mechanical pros to former community service workers come back to use the Collective as a safe haven while learning a trade. They start with a class promptly at 5pm (usually of the volunteer lay-person’s expertise), then for the next couple of hours, you help and learn on the charity rides. The wall is filled with thank you cards from elementary schools and the numerous other organizations that they work with. On Tuesdays and Thursdays from 5-9 p.m., they offer an open workshop where the average tranny can come in and grease up with a knowledgeable professional that will help you understand and fix anything on your ride.

I next made the effort to go to the monthly Mayor’s Bicycle Advisory Committee pow-wow, which is held at the City and County Building in room 335 on the second Wednesday of every month. As dedicated to the cause as I am, I just can’t concentrate in this sort of structured environment. I did, in between nail polish daydreams, hear what I went looking for: they do take measures in the city to make cycling safer and friendlier for winter riders. For example: reflective tape on dangerous curb “bulb outs” that disappear in the snow.

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