Stimboy: Hotelier to the Stars

From Issue 66, June 1994

Get out your number two pencils, because it’s time for a Stimboy pop quiz! Besides being variously referred to as “spokesmen of their generation,” what do Jello Biafra, Henry Rollins and Ian McKaye all have in common? Is it tattoos? No. Is it haircuts? Hardly. Is it humorless, rambling, self-righteous spoken word “performances”? Possibly, but no. It’s not even being on the cover of Details Magazine. For those of you who haven’t guessed the thing that sets these three deep thinking alterna-icons apart from the pack is the fact that they have all been house guests at one time or another of yours truly.

The home of Stimboy and PooPeeDee has frequently been a haven for wayward punkers looking to shave a few bucks of their travel expenses and we have always been more than happy to oblige. If there was a compilation album featuring a song from every band who has slept on our sofas and floors, it would be a punk rock version of “We Are The World.” It would include tunes from such notables as Minor Threat, TSOL, Husker Du, Black Flag, The Vandals, The Subhumans and many ore bands that can be mentioned or indeed remembered by your humble scribe. While any schmuck with a boombox and a couple of Sonic Youth cassettes can opine about whether these bands’ music will stand the test of time, the important thing to me in the long run is, how did they rate as house guests and how do the manners of today’s rising young stars compare with those of the golden age of American punk? So without further delay,

Stimboy’s top ten most memorable guests from worst to best.

10. Black Flag
This was a tight race, they barely inched out my number nine selection but won in a tiebreaker due to the bitchy antics of the Bo Gritz of punk, Henry Garfield, oops I mean Rollins. Notable conversation: Chuck Daniels, oops, I mean Dukowski, informed me that when Greg Ginn said they were going to get a singer from Washington DC to replace Dez Cadena, he thought Ginn was referring to Ian McKaye. Dukowski quit the band soon afterward.

9. Mule
Mule is best known for their Gun-Club-meets-Jesus-Lizard brand of Midwestern rock and the fact that bassist Preston used to be in the Laughing Hyenas but I will always remember them for their sniveling, whining and complaining. The food’s too cold, the beer’s too warm, the sofa’s too soft, the floor’s too hard. Hey! It’ s fucking fre,e ain’t it? You’d almost swear they were English. Notable conversation: None.

8. Aggression
Nice guys, good band. Does anybody know what happened to them? Notable Conversation: I have no idea, we spent most of the time drinking beer and skateboarding.

7. Godbullies
Stimboy and PooPee give them two thumbs sideways. A quiet bunch, I was pleasantly surprised to find that they had left a couple of 7” singles on the coffee table before they left. Notable conversation: It turns out that their guitar player is just as obsessed with Quisp breakfast cereal as we are.

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