Beer Match Challenge

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Illustration: Phil Cannon

You’re a grocery store clerk, and your drunken shoppers have dropped all their beer right before beer o’clock. They want to get checked out lickety-split, and you need to satisfy the customer before the hour strikes. Since they’re too inebriated to function, it’s up to you to get the right beer with the right person out the door.

Match the descriptions below with the drawings in the gallery!

Ever a proponent of the working class, this East Coast hooligan shows his blue-collar background by purchasing the most expensive beer on the racks.

She’s a postmodern phenomenon who has dedicated her life to art, and shows it by spending countless nights at the hippest bar in town.

After the MMA matchup, this gorilla guy wants an exotic beverage to clench in one hand while fist-pumping with the other.

Milwaukee’s Best
With such radical ideals like anarchy and anti-Christianity, there’s only one way to overthrow the status quo: getting super fucked up with the cheapest beer possible.

Bud Light
God, country and shootin’ guns—this dude embodies the “real America” by drinking beer made by the richest dudes in the beer industry.

Blue Moon
“Um, like, I’m a sports and exercise major, and I’m WAY into healthy lifestyle choices. Let’s get in the hot tub and get wasted.”