Beautiful Godzilla: Spooky Spokes

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Illustration: Ryan Perkins

Cyclists love costumes––especially when worn on themed group rides. The reasoning behind this is pretty simple––cyclists are also total attention whores. Seriously, think about it: Take the lane campaigns, Critical Mass, spandex shorts … You think it’s about activism and awareness? Of course not. We just want all eyes on us in our two-wheeled fabulosity. The fact that this column exists is proof of the enormity of the cyclist ego.

That being said, costume rides are heavy, and Halloween costume rides are even heavier. Imagine all of the creative possibilities in utilizing the bicycle as a costume prop. From the obvious and most iconic—Elliott and E.T., the Wicked Witch of the West, Pee Wee Herman—to the sexy and sinister: zombie cyclist and bike cop, respectively––a bicycle adds a nice, three-dimensional element to an otherwise dull, dime-store costume. If you need anymore ideas on DIY costuming, make sure you read Mike Brown and Princess Kennedy this month. 

Another benefit of spending your Halloween with the cycling crowd is the parties. I can say with experience that Salt Lake’s bicycle community knows how to have a good time. If you’re looking for booze, babes and are open to the possibility of seeing a lot of boobs and balls, follow the bicycle. One time at a bike party, Davey Davis got me to strip to my underwear, rolled me in blue paint, laid down some butcher paper to make blue-paint angels, then set me free to dance around the fire pit with the other “art projects.” I was 100-percent sober. There’s photographic evidence somewhere on the Internet, though, unfortunately for you, Colin Roe Ledbetter’s junk has been cropped out.

Velo City Bag’s Nathan Larsen is taking this year’s bicycle Halloween antics to the next level with the Clue Cat 2 on Oct. 20. Fun fact about Nathan and his wife, Debbie: They are obsessed with board games. This intense hobby of theirs has translated into a Clue-themed alleycat in which competitors are actually going to play Clue on their bikes. We had a similar ‘cat at last year’s Velo Weekend, but the great part about this year: costumes are encouraged. I’m still trying to decide between a hipster Mrs. Peacock or a gender-bending Mr. Green. There won’t be any booze or bare balls at this event, but there will definitely be bicycle babes, and even better, PIZZA! It’s only $5 to compete, and I can guarantee the fastest Jimmy John’s messenger isn’t going to win this one––it’s gonna take more brain than brawn to find out who killed Lance Armstrong with a 15mm at the Bicycle Collective … Nate’s also awarding a prize for the best costume, so if you’re not much of an alleycat competitor, just come dressed to the nines as Colonel Mustard or Ms. Scarlet, ride your bike in circles and eat some pizza. Check out the Facebook event page for more details on the rules and such.

Happy Halloween!

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