Warped Tour '08: Binging and Purging at the Fairgrounds One Last Time
by JP [jonathanpaxton@gmail.com]
Online Exclusive / Posted August 14, 2008 More Exclusives
The Van’s Warped Tour used to rank up there with epic summer events like the X96 Big Ass Show and mercury busting digits in my little brain. And surprisingly it still ranks that high with hordes of sunburnt teenagers.
The Van’s Warped Tour is like an Asian buffet with all sorts of food. So many kinds and different regions are represented that it can be nauseating, confusing and may give you a toxic dose of MSG. Your intrepid SLUG representative braved the great horde of the unwashed to figure out what the fuck was being served. I got full and had to leave the buffet a little early with a case of the Delhi belly. But not ‘til I had time to check in with a few bands and the man behind the magic, tour founder and producer, Kevin Lyman himself.
I wasn’t there to check out the merch, even though there was a shit-ton. I wasn’t there to be arrested for statutory, even though there were many opportunities. And I definitely wasn’t there to get the big C: SPF 45 motherfuckers! The goal was to gorge on every variety and style of music I could before the flux hit. I consumed a lot of varieties of grubbin: some British Clash impersonators (Beat Union), caught a little Colorado rap/electro in the form of 3OH!3, delved into the NY Hip-Hop/nerdcore of MC Chris and saw some Japanese ska girls (Oreskaband) do their best imitation of fellow tour members Reel Big Fish.
The kids these days are known for being out of shape, a little slow and not very bright. It may be because they consume musical shit––the majority of what was on display at the Utah State Fairgrounds. I went to the Warped Tour a lot until about 2001. And I can say that the industry and the style of music has changed a fair amount since then. It’s not just the fact that I grew up a little (very little). It’s the fact that overall the music has been so polished and packaged for ease of consumption that boundaries are getting grey. We probably couldn’t realistically see what the industry would become back in the 90s––before Clear Channel monopolies and the Bush-administration-run FCC. We thought it was bad in the 90s when we saw a deepening rift between the style of music that evolved from the 80s punk originators into the unfortunate pop-punk then emo/folk. Now the deepening of the genuine vs. the commercial is even wider.
Ten years ago you had to chew your McDonald’s, but now that shit slides down easy with a wash of Coke, same with what you hear on the radio (yes, I’m a hypocrite). I saw Vans on sale the other day at a Smith’s in the bargain bin. The brand used to only be available in skate shops. I promised myself I wouldn’t spend this whole piece ripping on the tour, and I won’t.
Ultimately, the distinction has to be made between what the kids want and what they are served. If tons of fun in her ill-advised tube top over there wants a fucking double cheezburger of Panic! at the Disco beef with a side of some sodium infested freedom (or disInformation act) fries let her fuckin eat it. And the peeps are doing it. Hell, I’d play the Warped Tour and eat out at MckyDees all the time if I could. It would be a hellofa ride. It’s not all wine and roses though. The bands were in a line an hour plus to get the same food all the other bands were eating and they were doing it in the plush digs of the old rodeo ground concession area with a thermostat at over 100. No couches. No AC. No free BJ area (I asked).
So was there music JP? Will you shut the fuck up already and get to it.
Early on I headed over to an area where a herd of rowdy fuckers were stroking out to some electro-pop/rap from some sketchy looking guys from Colorado. 3OH!3 were putting on a good enough show and reppin’ the Rockies hard enough that I decided to talk to the fuckers. I’ve heard them before and wasn’t too jazzed, but their live show changed my mind. Their style is a little Beastie Boys and a little M.I.A. These guys still confuse me. Are they faking it or just having a good fucking time? Pushups interspersed with what can only be described as white-boy dancing were some of the stage tricks these guys used to light up one of the smaller stages on the tour and they were feeling it. " The crowd in Salt Lake was intense. It was a really good show. One of our best shows," the cardio crazed MC Sean said. Unfortunately, he’s retired the perfect form pushup due to a possibly career ending injury: "I threw my shoulder out in New Orleans riding a mechanical bull so I can’t do pushups right now. I’m going to have to stick to jumping jacks for my cardio. But we’re fighting the obesity epidemic one show at a time." Thanks 3OH!3 for leading by example through your community service. I downloaded (legally) a grip of their songs and thankfully have had a good laugh ever since.
The Van’s Warped Tour is like an Asian buffet with all sorts of food. So many kinds and different regions are represented that it can be nauseating, confusing and may give you a toxic dose of MSG. Your intrepid SLUG representative braved the great horde of the unwashed to figure out what the fuck was being served. I got full and had to leave the buffet a little early with a case of the Delhi belly. But not ‘til I had time to check in with a few bands and the man behind the magic, tour founder and producer, Kevin Lyman himself.
I wasn’t there to check out the merch, even though there was a shit-ton. I wasn’t there to be arrested for statutory, even though there were many opportunities. And I definitely wasn’t there to get the big C: SPF 45 motherfuckers! The goal was to gorge on every variety and style of music I could before the flux hit. I consumed a lot of varieties of grubbin: some British Clash impersonators (Beat Union), caught a little Colorado rap/electro in the form of 3OH!3, delved into the NY Hip-Hop/nerdcore of MC Chris and saw some Japanese ska girls (Oreskaband) do their best imitation of fellow tour members Reel Big Fish.
The kids these days are known for being out of shape, a little slow and not very bright. It may be because they consume musical shit––the majority of what was on display at the Utah State Fairgrounds. I went to the Warped Tour a lot until about 2001. And I can say that the industry and the style of music has changed a fair amount since then. It’s not just the fact that I grew up a little (very little). It’s the fact that overall the music has been so polished and packaged for ease of consumption that boundaries are getting grey. We probably couldn’t realistically see what the industry would become back in the 90s––before Clear Channel monopolies and the Bush-administration-run FCC. We thought it was bad in the 90s when we saw a deepening rift between the style of music that evolved from the 80s punk originators into the unfortunate pop-punk then emo/folk. Now the deepening of the genuine vs. the commercial is even wider.
Ten years ago you had to chew your McDonald’s, but now that shit slides down easy with a wash of Coke, same with what you hear on the radio (yes, I’m a hypocrite). I saw Vans on sale the other day at a Smith’s in the bargain bin. The brand used to only be available in skate shops. I promised myself I wouldn’t spend this whole piece ripping on the tour, and I won’t.
Ultimately, the distinction has to be made between what the kids want and what they are served. If tons of fun in her ill-advised tube top over there wants a fucking double cheezburger of Panic! at the Disco beef with a side of some sodium infested freedom (or disInformation act) fries let her fuckin eat it. And the peeps are doing it. Hell, I’d play the Warped Tour and eat out at MckyDees all the time if I could. It would be a hellofa ride. It’s not all wine and roses though. The bands were in a line an hour plus to get the same food all the other bands were eating and they were doing it in the plush digs of the old rodeo ground concession area with a thermostat at over 100. No couches. No AC. No free BJ area (I asked).
So was there music JP? Will you shut the fuck up already and get to it.
Early on I headed over to an area where a herd of rowdy fuckers were stroking out to some electro-pop/rap from some sketchy looking guys from Colorado. 3OH!3 were putting on a good enough show and reppin’ the Rockies hard enough that I decided to talk to the fuckers. I’ve heard them before and wasn’t too jazzed, but their live show changed my mind. Their style is a little Beastie Boys and a little M.I.A. These guys still confuse me. Are they faking it or just having a good fucking time? Pushups interspersed with what can only be described as white-boy dancing were some of the stage tricks these guys used to light up one of the smaller stages on the tour and they were feeling it. " The crowd in Salt Lake was intense. It was a really good show. One of our best shows," the cardio crazed MC Sean said. Unfortunately, he’s retired the perfect form pushup due to a possibly career ending injury: "I threw my shoulder out in New Orleans riding a mechanical bull so I can’t do pushups right now. I’m going to have to stick to jumping jacks for my cardio. But we’re fighting the obesity epidemic one show at a time." Thanks 3OH!3 for leading by example through your community service. I downloaded (legally) a grip of their songs and thankfully have had a good laugh ever since.
Page: [1] 2 3 4 Next >>
Facebook
Myspace
Twitter
YouTube
Vimeo
RSS
Be the first to comment!
Add a comment
Please keep your comments on the subject of the article.
We will delete your comment if it is racist, misogynistic, sexist, bigoted or just plain lame.
No HTML allowed!