Dear Dickheads – May 2012

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Dear Dickheads,
There are not many reasons I pick up your mag every month. I really do enjoy Mike Brown and the Princess, and there’s usually one band that I care enough about to at least read the article. But for the past few months I’ve been a pretty upset over the lack of mildly pornographic Blue Botique ads. March’s picture of the androgynous child without eyebrows sent me over the edge. I mean, I’m sure you guys don’t have control over it or whatever, but you have had full-page spreads of half-naked girls in there for as long as I’ve been a reader, so you must have developed some kind of relationship with the business. Just talk to them for me, please, and tell them to get some side-boobs in your magazine again. Because, frankly, the A Bar Named Sue ads are just not cutting it.
Andrew Maguire

Hey Andy,
Just like SLUG’s advertisers don’t dictate what we write about, we don’t dictate what our advertiser’s ads should look like. They choose what they want to run in order to get your attention, and, clearly, that worked.

Dear Dickheads,
You have already established that Konnor H. (the morphadite who piously responded to your article regarding band shirts for sale at the local JCPenney, Vol. 23, Issue 279) is a complete fuck-face. Not only do I wholeheartedly agree that this imperious asshole needs to be knocked down a peg or two, but I would like to add insult to, well, insult. He said, “I don’t know if you guys just aren’t musicians, or have Down Syndrome,” in response to your claim that any band whose name can be found splayed across the chest of the the kind of ilk that purchase their clothes at Target isn’t worth glorifying anymore.
My complaint is not that people (fruitlessly) argue whether these bands have sold out or become laughingly antiquated; my complaint is that someone is so unenlightened to assume that individuals with Down syndrome are incapable of appreciating music or forming legitimate musical preferences. I am in my senior year of studying music therapy at Utah State University. I would like to know what the hell I’ve devoted my life (and money) to for the last four years if people with cognitive, physical or mental disabilities cannot love and appreciate music on the same level as anyone else. I’ve personally seen music enhance and change the lives of many individuals with developmental disabilities, including Down Syndrome, autism, mental retardation, TBI, Alzheimer’s, etc.
So fuck you, Konnor H. Please pull your head out of your “music nerd” anus and stop being so pretentious.
Sincerely, an incredibly disgruntled music therapist (to be).

Yeah. That dude sucked. ’Nuff said.