Dear Dickheads

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Illustration: Robin Banks

Dear Dickheads,

I am the guitarist/singer for a local Ogden metal band. Over the last few weeks here someone has taken offense to our t shirts with a slogan that says “AT LEAST I’M NOT MORMON”. This sad pathetic person has spammed several Facebook pages under a fake account and even tried to get us booted off shows claiming they would boycott the venue. Calling us everything from bigots to a hate group. Even to go so far as to say we should be beaten. Now over the years we’ve had members come and go, some of which ARE Mormon and even they could see the humor behind this as we live in Utah. For someone to take offense over a simple tee shirt and go to the lengths they have seems absurd to me. To create fake account after fake account, spam pages and then delete account shows that someone must have a lot of free time! However they were successful in getting one of our road shows moved to a different venue. After claiming us as a hate group. Anyone who knows us, knows that we love a laugh and take very few things serious. To end this rant we are not a hate group. Humor is humor and should be taken as such!
 
Thanx for your time,
Chris Jester
Guitar/Vocals: Deathead.
 
 
Dear Mr. Jester,

I’m sure that neither you nor your bandmates are bigots or haters. One thing that this person—whoever he/she is—failed to do was effectively highlight what you are not: funny. The reason that they didn’t take in your humor is because “AT LEAST I’M NOT MORMON” is about as humorous as Mormon sketch comedy. I’m sure that, as a metal band, Deathead reveres the ’80s, but the whole Mormon-bashing thing is such an anachronistic countercultural Utahn approach that it just reveals how unoriginal your T-shirts are! In fact, I’m going to get all the Ogden Mormons to start wearing T-shirts that say, “AT LEAST I’M NOT IN DEATHEAD.” I’m going to get Ogden Muslims and atheists to wear them, too. That way, the whole “hate group” reaction element is removed, and we can all just make fun of your band for having dumb shirts that some Pantera-worshipping baby-daddy would wear during four-wheeling outings.

XOXO, SLUG Mag
 
FAX, SNAIL MAIL OR EMAIL US YOUR LETTERS!
Fax: 801.487.1359 • Mailing Address:
Dear Dickheads c/o SLUG Mag
351 Pierpont Ave. Ste. 4B SLC, UT 84101
or dickheads@slugmag.com

 

Photos:
Illustration: Robin Banks