Dear Dickheads – December 2009

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Dear Dickheads,
Quit supporting national sponsers of greed! You can buy yer publication thru local businesses. When I see natty light and every other page advertisements, I wonder what the true underground means. Because darling, it ain’t yer publication.

Dear Bobby,
I love it when people talk shit on SLUG. It makes me feel like I’m doing something right. Like when they complain about the content, I always let them know that they, in fact, can actually do something about it. Like write something themselves and submit it to SLUG. But people like Bobby here are more content complaining than actually doing something. Which is okay too, I guess.
Since this is a Dear Dickheads letter, I’m just going to make fun of Bobby here for a bit. First off, apparently Bobby is buying SLUG and I want to meet the genius that is taking advantage of such a fragile mind. I’d be bitter towards SLUG too if I was stupid enough to buy a free publication.
Bobby, there are three things in life a man should never pay for: water, pussy and SLUG. I’m guessing you have to pay for all three.
Due to the brutal nature of capitalism, things are rarely free. SLUG doesn’t grow on trees or fall out of the buttholes of magical gnomes and SLUG interns. So, yes, it’s no secret that in order to actually produce the magazine, we have advertisers pay us something so we can pay Mr. Printer Man. I feel like an idiot explaining something that everyone already knows, but Bobby’s little brain needs me to break it down.
So actually, we aren’t supporting evil national corporations at all, they are supporting us. Big difference.
Oh, and Bobby, don’t talk shit on beer. I guess drinking Natural Light isn’t underground. Well then neither is eating or peeing under that logic.
This message was sent to Angela Brown (the Editor) via Facebook. Cyber stalking is soooooo underground.
One last thing Bobby, if you don’t know what underground is, then how do you know it isn’t us? Your tiny brain is gonna be chewing on that one for a while.

Dear Dickheads,
We at Blue Boutique were excited to see Dr. Evil’s column about lube in SLUG Magazine last month. There are a couple of facts we would like to add to your article. There is a lot of contradicting information out there, especially if you do a search online. But we would like to add our perspective, since we strive at Blue Boutique to have the most up-to-date, industry-based knowledge about the products we sell.
-Oil-based lube is only recommended for male masturbation. Oil lubricant is not condom safe, and also does not absorb into your body. If you use oil-based lube for intercourse, you will have particles of oil in your system, and it’s difficult for your body to release.  Who needs more toxins in their body?
-Silicone-based lube is recommended for extended intercourse, as well as underwater sex. Silicone lubes are more concentrated than water-based lube so a little bit goes a long way, and you don’t need to reapply. Silicone lubes are also preferred by many for anal use.  The only toys that silicone lube is NOT recommended for are silicone toys. Silicone-based lube varies in quality depending on the grade of silicone the manufacturer uses in their formula. At Blue Boutique, we recommend Eros Pjur, Pink and System JO. These brands are condom safe and won’t harm latex. These use the highest grade silicone, and don’t cause irritation.
-If you ever have a question whether a product is safe with condoms, check the bottle. If it’s safe, it will say so. There is a small percentage of the population that has a silicone allergy, and for them we recommend water-based lube, but for the majority, silicone lube is prefered.
-Another thing to note is the difference between flavored lubricant and flavored lotions. Flavored lotions contain sugar, and a whole slew of unnamed artificial flavoring. These products are great for touch and play, and fellatio, but not so much for intercourse with the ladies.  Flavored lubes contain glycerin and are designed specifically for intercourse.
-If a woman is sensitive to yeast infections or flare-ups, there are a number of lubes that are fragrance free, glycerin free, silicone free, etc. that are recommended for the most sensitive. One product Blue Boutique recommends is called Agape by System Jo.
Again, we loved to see the article. And we think you did a great job in explaining that water-based lube is “probably the most universal to use for all partners,” but thought Blue Boutique would share some more extensive information on the puzzling plethora of products out there.

Dear Blue Boutique,
Usually, we use the Dear Dickheads column to belittle and insult our readers (hey, at least we’re honest!) but this is the most intelligent and informative letter that we’ve EVER received. Thanks for all the info. Someone has to keep the youth educated on all things sex related, because the public school system sure ain’t doin’ it. Kudos to Blue Boutique for keeping Utah informed, lubed up and yeast infection free. If it wasn’t for you guys SLUG readers might be using plastic bags for condoms and baby oil for lube.