Dear Dickheads – February 2005

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Dear Dickheads,

Just below the surface of the mormon dense fog that shrouds us all, is a Horrifing yet wonderful thing called Horror Punk/rock. although there are no 80 dollar haircuts, Capri pants, bullet belts or mullets, to be found there is something even better.. Monster masks and Fake Blood, Spider, Zombies ,ghouls and fiends O mY!… sweet, dont you think?.. and what better place than slug to announce the take over. The “dye” has been cast, The mosters rise tonite. all hail the days of ole’ Misfits..cramps and the Damned, in comes the new, The Abominations, diemonsterdie,Fuse and Left for Dead..We want Blood, and Rock! look out here we come!

Shane Diablo – worldhorrornetwork.com

Dear Shane,

How right you are; horror punk/rock is worthy of all the praise that can be heaped upon it. Too bad your grammar is so bad that I can barely understand what you’re talking about.

SLUG

 

 

Dear Dickheads,

HOW DARE YOU SIR!, sittin up their on your holy tuffet, talking down to me like.. some kinda talkin’ downer does..Horror Punk is for the people!!! and by the way.. a “sector seven dungeon master level” is just that, for the Masters! you wouldn’t be able to wrap yourself around the spells you require to even face someone as hell bent on destroying you as say, Gorthicon or perhaps Maldore.

You have managed to offend a hole heep of people with your remarks last month! Those that have a low I.Q, (you should have yours checked by he way) The Gothic community, which I hope hunt’s you down and gets blood all over your pretty Pink dress. and Nerds, did you not learn anything from the movie?

AND the Gay commuinty as well… and I quote “You fags can play dress up all you want but leave me and anyone who can interact with other people without magic cards out of it.” Boy I am so mad at you right now I could just cover you in choclate and give you a tickle party.. now I know your just using the term “Fags” like da rappa M&M’s Doo. but dont..

Horror Punk is for the Fags, the Nerds, the Goths, The D&D masters, the emo, the screamo and everyone else that wishes to be part of us.., in this clicky litle town..it’s alway’s one or the other with you people. Not this time Horror Punk is gonna give ya 2 slaps across the fuckin mouth ….cause we like ya!

Shane Diablo – worldhorrornetwork.com

 

Dear Shane (again),

Sigh. Clique is spelled “clique.” Can you have your mother or your English major sister proofread your letters before submitting them? And could you cite the review you’re referring to next time? I’d gladly—or, OK, not so glady—look it up and respond to your letter if you’d just give me a pointer in the fog. And who or what the fuck is Maldore and Gorthicon? Don’t pull that D&D, 38-year-old-virgin fantasy shit on me. Watching the unedited version of Lord of the Rings over Christmas break was quite enough, thanks. 

SLUG

 

 

Dear Dickheads,

ok your response to the dec issue 04 about the shitty tips in utah was utterly ignorant on your part.you did nothing but ridicule the questioner and didnt even attempt to answer WHY the cheap fucks in slc dont understand how to tip.maybe because everyone in the happy little mormon world is fine at their job they dont seem to feel the need to be compasionate to others like jesus taught. being a server in utah im thankfully in one of the two tourist towns in utah where i dont deal with the mainstream utahn and my tips are extremely well. but after working in slc first, i totally feel the pain of that poor college student trying to earn a living off of the cheap fucks who call themselves mormons in utah. god speed you cheap mormon monkeys.

-anon-

Dear Anonymous,

You cowardly prick. You don’t even have the balls to sign your name. How dare you say we only ridicule people who write into us, you mother-raping, ape-fucking son of a bitch. You’re probably still working tables at the Training Table at age 32, your first place of employment since age 16, when most people your age are making something out of their life or are at least working at Macaroni Grill. Yes, Mormons are cheap. So are most people. You should see the non-Mormons the world over who would put their best friend through the rinse cycle of a washing machine for a free movie pass. Don’t whine to me. If you don’t like seeing the stingy side of human nature, get a job where you don’t have to depend on people’s charity to keep yourself alive—like being a septic tank cleanser. Or get your damn associate’s—the one you’ve been working on for 12 years—move out of your parent’s basement, and get a life. And everyone else: Tip 20 percent or go fuck yourself.

SLUG