Inversion Trawler: At Least a Guiding Light – March 2009

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Boo and I have decided to conduct a series of interviews with people we find fascinating - well, with people or disembodied energies who seem to have something interesting to say. Admittedly our interest in certain characters can be a bit patronizing at times. I suppose even calling them characters seems somewhat condescending, but we do try hard to never be smug about another’s perspective. (Boo interjects: WHAT-THE-HELL-EVER. We’re weirdos, they’re big ‘ole weirdos and HOORAY! I like things a bit askew.) Our first interview was with Aunt Kate’s good friend, Ms. Liahona Glow and took place in Aunt Kate’s paranormally overactive home, Weedpatch. What follows are selected excerpts from that interview.

Oom: It’s hard to believe Liahona is your real name. What’s the story behind that?
Liahona: And my family name is Glow. I come from a long and strong line of guiding lights. My family has always been very in tune with the other realms - especially on my mother’s side, where the name Glow comes from. In many ways my father worshipped my mother, and he insisted on taking her surname instead of the more common patriarchal alternative. The name Liahona, of course, comes from the Book of Mormon in which the Liahona was a sort of compass or early GPS Navigation device for the ancient prophets. It ran on faith power, looked a bit like a Fabergé Egg and relayed messages from God. For many generations my family’s faith has been Latterday Saint.

Boo: So you were born and raised full-on LDS, though many of your personal beliefs and practices would get you unceremoniously catapulted out of that institution. How do you reconcile … how do you maneuver through that?
Liahona: Well Boudica, It’s true that some people - both LDS and non - would like to make it difficult, and goodness, how they try. What those people miss is the true essence. It’s a pure energy that goes beyond the words, the buildings, the structured ceremonies and the roll call. I believe the LDS Church and all churches are tools for us. The churches are here for us, we are not here for the churches.

Oom: Well said Liahona - even though you’ve creeped Boo out. (Boo was at this point staring widely at Liahona and emitting a high-pitched whistle from her nose.) You claim to be a psychic medium, and we saw you in frightening action when you tried to cleanse the house we’re in now of its evil spirits. Can you elaborate?
Liahona: Yes, I am a psychic medium and I have been blessed with many gifts. Clairvoyance, clairaudience, psychometry and I occasionally channel spirits. I am the full package. My one big flaw is in my spirit-eye mechanism, which seems to have a short-circuit. Without warning my spirit-eyes will flare up. Oh I don’t mean flames shoot out of my eyes - they flip into the on mode and I will suddenly be seeing the spirits that surround us. This can get very confusing because although there is a very slight amber tint to spirit people, that tint is cancelled out in many lighting conditions. I often find it difficult discerning whether I’m beholding a spirit or a living person. This has caused many an embarrassing moment, I can tell you. Concerning Weedpatch, the spirits in this home were never evil and did not require cleansing.

Boo: Word on the street is that you were a free and easy teenager - that you were even a favorite of Led Zeppelin. Is this true?

Liahona: You mean word on the street is that I was a slut. That wouldn’t be a lie - easy I may have been, but (chuckle) I was NEVER free. You must understand, by the time I was 15 I was aware that in at least two of my previous lives, I had been a virgin sacrifice. That fact terrified me. I needed to ensure that I did not suffer that same fate in this life. It wasn’t Led Zeppelin incidentally.
Boo: That is the best rationalizing-oneself-to-hell I’ve ever heard. That kicks ass!

Oom: Do you have a spirit-guide?
Liahona: Yes, many. I have a council of twelve, headed by Kwantum - a Native American medicine man from the lost tribe of the Chiahoochiho. We meet at least twice weekly. It must be that time now! I can hear the drum beat calling me to pow-wow. (Liahona bolts for the door)
Oom: Oh, uh … thanks for sitting down and answering