Illustration: Steve Thueson

Me and my bike are much like P.W. Herman—before he ever masturbated in public—and his special two-wheeler, in that we have both been on many adventures together. Both of our bikes have been stolen and retrieved with little aid from proper authorities, as clearly evidenced in the famous ’80s documentary, Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure. My tale of thievery is a bit different, but there are several parallels.