Princess Kennedy: Gettin’ Gay Married

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Photo By: Kaelen Shilling

A couple issues ago I wrote about my twin sister Jordan. Many were intrigued that I not only had a sibling (seven of them, actually), but that I was a twin. Admittedly, we weren’t well known here, but we have quite the reputation on three different continents as the notorious VonBlondenberg sisters, party-hopping the world with our electro-band Blondeturage. Now that we’ve reached our 30s (golden years for trannies), Jordan decided to settle down and gay marry her partner of 15 years, Tim. Their “Gwedding” was the social event of the season. They rented an island with a sunken ship restaurant. It was sick! It was a veritable hit parade of celebrities: the boys of NOFX, 70% of The Go-Gos, Morcheba, who served as the band, Danielle Steele, and her twins and, of course, me! How anticlimactic it was two weeks later to have Proposition 8 pass and nullify their nuptials. But nevermind, they filed a lawsuit – one of many California will face for fucking with two-person disposable income households. I can’t for the life of me figure out why anyone would want to get married. I’m such a commitmentphobe, I can’t see past it. Let the fools get married. If I were smart I’d become a divorce attorney in L.A. or S.F. Cha- Ching! For Tim and Jordan, marriage is for more than the tax benefit –– it signifies their love for each other. What a horrible thing to have people vote against. Since the passing of Prop 8, their domestic partnership was replaced with the (marriage) license and now Jordan is left in the cold with no insurance or rights all because of a bunch of ignorant, fearful bigots. It’s not like we’ll all be running off to marry goats once we get tired of our same-sex partners. Don’t be a retard. Why marry the goat when you can just fuck it and not worry about calling the next day? It’s crazy that this election has a double standard. “Yes we can?” More like yes WE can, but you can’t. What’s up with that, and why do THEY care? Don’t you agree that it’s wrong to give one group basic civil rights and deny them to another? It’s archaic, really. That’s why I felt the need to join the protests. I urge all people to think about it strongly. Somehow, someday, it will effect you. It reminds me of my German grandmother telling us that they didn’t know about the war in the ‘40s because it didn’t concern them.

The Mormon church, no matter how disgusting, hateful and influential they were, should not be the only ones targeted. A poll in California showed that the largest supporters for Prop 8 were people over 65, Asians and African Americans. Unless we have the balls to protest in their neighborhoods and shout shame on them or boycott their businesses, we must keep it in the streets as a civil liberties issue. A boycott of Utah is ridiculous. Why? We didn’t vote on it. It wasn’t our idea. I was shocked and offended to have guests cancel their holiday reservations. How am I supposed to support this when I live and own a business here? I’ll tell you one thing, if it fucks with my Sundance party plans I’m gonna be one bitchy queen. It’s a big ugly mess and we’re just seeing the beginning of it. Mark my words — it will come out in our favor, even if it’s 10 years from now. I hope that’s not delirious talk from the shiny outlook of our political future, but I’ve gotta have faith that everyone is good at heart, love will prevail and all that crap. No matter what, Utah is a major focal point at this time, and I’m not one bit ashamed to live here. Until this is all resolved, I’ll take the high road of forgiveness towards the closed-minded bastards and haters ... on both sides of the fence.