Movie Awards a Go-Go

Posted March 3, 2010 in
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Where in the hell did the time go? It feels like only yesterday Bollywood was invading California’s coastline and a zombie Heath Ledger beat out Robert Downey, Jr. and Brand from The Goonies for Best Supporting Actor. What a year! While 2008 brought an onslaught of cinematic masterpieces including The Love Guru and Mamma Mia!, the Year of the Ox retaliated with the good, the bad, and a retarded Sandra Bullock (Who could possibly be the first actress to win an Oscar and a Razzie in the same year).

The past two months have been bursting with award shows, but the two biggest polar opposite events, the Razzie Awards (March 6th) & the Academy Awards (March 7th) have yet to commence. Below are the nominees (and winners) as foretold to me in my dream by Pee-wee's Playhouse’s Jambi the Genie. Mekka Lekka Hi Mekka Hiney Ho bitches!

Please note: While I do not agree with all of Jambi’s predictions (except the Razzie turds), these will be the proclaimed winners … damn you Bullock!

The 30th Annual Razzie Awards Nominations:

Worst Picture
All About Steve
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Land of the Lost
Old Dogs
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (Winner)

Worst Actor
All Three Jonas Brothers – Jonas Brothers: The 3-D Concert Experience (Winner)
Will Ferrell – Land of the Lost
Steve Martin – Pink Panther 2
Eddie Murphy – Imagine That
John Travolta – Old Dogs

Worst Actress
Beyonce – Obsessed
Sandra Bullock – All About Steve (Winner)
Mylie Cyrus – Hannah Montana: The Movie
Megan Fox – Jennifer’s Body & Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Sarah Jessica Parker – Did You Hear About the Morgans?

Worst Supporting Actor
Billy Ray Cyrus – Hannah Montana: The Movie (Winner)
Hugh Hefner – Miss March
Robert Pattinson – Twilight Saga: New Moon
Jorma Taccone – Land of the Lost
Marlon Wayans – G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

Worst Supporting Actress
Candice Bergen – Bride Wars
Ali Larter – Obsessed
Sienna Miller – G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (Winner)
Kelly Preston – Old Dogs
Julie White – Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Worst Screen Couple
Any Two (or More) Jonas Brothers – The Jonas Brothers 3-D Concert Experience
Sandra Bullock & Bradley Cooper – All About Steve (Winner)
Will Ferrell & Any Co-Star, Creature or “Comic Riff” – Land of the Lost
Shia LaBeouf & EITHER Megan Fox OR Any Transformer – Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Kristen Stewart & EITHER Robert Pattinson OR Taylor Whatz-His-Fang – Twilight Saga: New Moon

Worst Remake, Rip-off or Sequel
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Land of the Lost (Winner)
Pink Panther 2
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Twilight Saga: New Moon

Worst Director

Michael Bay – Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (Winner)
Walt Becker – Old Dogs
Brad Silberling – Land of the Lost
Stephen Sommers – G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Phil Traill – All About Steve

Worst Screenplay
All About Steve
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Land of the Lost
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (Winner)
Twilight Saga: New Moon

Worst Picture of the Decade
Battlefield Earth (2000) (Winner)
Freddy Got Fingered (2001)
Gigli (2003)
I Know Who Killed Me (2007)
Swept Away (2002)

Worst Actor of the Decade
Ben Affleck
Eddie Murphy (Winner)
Mike Myers
Rob Schneider
John Travolta

Worst Actress of the Decade

Mariah Carey
Paris Hilton (Winner)
Lindsay Lohan
Jennifer Lopez
Madonna

The 82nd Annual Academy Awards Nominations
:

Best Actor – Leading
Jeff Bridges – Crazy Heart (Winner)
George Clooney – Up in the Air
Colin Firth – A Single Man
Morgan Freeman – Invictus
Jeremy Renner – The Hurt Locker

Best Actor – Supporting
Matt Damon – Invictus
Woody Harrelson – The Messenger
Christopher Plummer – The Last Station
Stanley Tucci – The Lovely Bones
Christoph Waltz – Inglourious Basterds (Winner)

Best Actress – Leading
Sandra Bullock – The Blind Side (Winner)
Helen Mirren – The Last Station
Carey Mulligan – An Education
Gabourey Sidibe – Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire
Meryl Streep – Julie & Julia

Best Actress – Supporting
Penélope Cruz – Nine
Vera Farmiga – Up in the Air
Maggie Gyllenhaal – Crazy Heart
Anna Kendrick – Up in the Air
Mo’Nique – Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire (Winner)

Best Animated Feature
Coraline
Fantastic Mr. Fox
The Princess and the Frog
The Secret of Kells
Up (Winner)

Best Art Direction
Avatar (Winner)
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
Nine
Sherlock Holmes
The Young Victoria

Best Cinematography
Avatar (Winner)
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
The Hurt Locker
Inglourious Basterds
The White Ribbon

Best Costume Design
Bright Star
Coco before Chanel
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnasus
Nine
The Young Victoria (Winner)

Best Director
James Cameron – Avatar
Kathryn Bigelow – The Hurt Locker (Winner)
Quentin Tarantino – Inglourious Basterds
Lee Daniels – Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire
Jason Reitman – Up in the Air

Best Feature Documentary
Burma VJ
The Cove (Winner)
Food, Inc.
The Most Dangerous Man in America:
Daniel Ellsberg and the Pentagon Papers
Which Way Home

Best Short Documentary
China’s Unnatural Disaster: The Tears of Sichuan Province
The Last Campaign of Governor Booth Gardner
The Last Truck: Closing of a GM Plant
Music by Prudence (Winner)
Rabbit à la Berlin

Best Editing
Avatar
District 9
The Hurt Locker (Winner)
Inglourious Basterds
Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire

Best Foreign Language Film
Ajami
El Secreto de Sus Ojos (Winner)
The Milk of Sorrow
Un Prophète
The White Ribbon

Best Makeup
Il Divo
Star Trek (Winner)
The Young Victoria

Best Original Score
Avatar
Fantastic Mr. Fox
The Hurt Locker
Sherlock Holmes
Up (Winner)

Best Original Song

“Almost There” – The Princess and the Frog
“Down in New Orleans” – The Princess and the Frog
“Loin de Paname” – Paris 36
“Take It All” – Nine
“The Weary Kind (Theme from Crazy Heart)” – Crazy Heart (Winner)

Best Short – Animated Film
French Roast
Granny O’Grimm’s Sleeping Beauty
The Lady and the Reaper (La Dama y la Muerte)
Logorama (Winner)
A Matter of Loaf and Death

Best Short – Live Action
The Door
Instead of Abracadabra
Kavi
Miracle Fish
The New Tenants (Winner)

Best Sound Editing
Avatar
The Hurt Locker (Winner)
Inglourious Basterds
Star Trek
Up

Best Sound Mixing
Avatar
The Hurt Locker (Winner)
Inglourious Basterds
Star Trek
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Best Visual Effects
Avatar (Winner)
District 9
Star Trek

Best Adapted Screenplay
District 9
An Education
In the Loop
Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire (Winner)
Up in the Air

Best Original Screenplay
The Hurt Locker (Winner)
Inglourious Basterds
The Messenger
A Serious Man
Up

Best Picture
Avatar
The Blind Side
District 9
An Education
The Hurt Locker (Winner)
Inglourious Basterds
Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire
A Serious Man
Up
Up in the Air

*Disclaimer: It has been brought to my attention that Jambi the Genie is actually film actor and Los Angeles native, John Paragon, and not an all-knowing apparition. With that said, I’m still willing to trust in his fictitious powers until another childhood hero of mine comes along. That is all.