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March 2006 - Issue 207

Akimbo
Forging Steel And Laying Stone
Alternative Tentacles
Release Date: 01.24
Akimbo = Breather Resist the structure + Her Candane the fun + too many time changes!
After eight years, I thought musicians would have discovered the importance of songwriting, but Im wrong. Akimbo bring the heavy riffs, good guitar and vocal tones, but no groove. Well, I guess you can get down for about 20 seconds here and there before they change the timing and try to get technical with it. Cmon, this is their fifth record and it just continues to devalue anything they did in the past. When the first riff hits, you will be so excited, and then five seconds later the next one hits, and then seven seconds later and so on These guys must write songs for the ultimate pay-off of having someone come up and say, Dude you rule at guitar, how do you remember all of that stuff? They should be asking, Dude, how does it feel to use music the way most guys use big trucks and steroids? The only pay-off here is if youre in the band, I guess. Chuck Berrett

August Burns Red
Thrill Seeker
Tooth & Nail
Street: 11.08.05
ABR= something on Tooth & Nail the wussiness of something on Tooth & Nail
There were a lot of things that initially scared me about this album. Seeing pictures of the band, I thought for sure I had been redirected to a high school debate teams homepage. Polo shirts? Well-combed hair? Who knew? Also being that Tooth and Nail releases can be a little preachy and generic, it wasn't exactly the first label Id go to for ballsy, intelligent hardcore. Im always wondering if there will ever be a band to save this label from itself. Insert August Burns Red are here! Picture the heavier parts of Every Time I Dies vocals mixed with the more tech-savvy musical aspects of bands like The Chariot. The best thing about them is that there are absolutely no wussy, emo harmonies ruining the continuity of the album. They may not be doing anything inventive or original, but for a band composed of 18-21 year olds, I must say that Im impressed! With the cynicism of Your Little Suburbia is in Ruins and the epic early-Dillinger Escape Plan-esque The Seventh Trumpet, theirs is the sound of a band thats been around the hardcore/metal circuit for quite some time. Theyve caught some major attention straight out of the gate; heres hoping they can keep it for the rest of their run. Jesika Medici

Belle and Sebastian
The Life Pursuit
Matador Records
Street: 02.07
Belle and Sebastian = The Kinks + Arthur Lee + Sly and the Family Stone
Produced by Tony Hoffer (who produced Air, Supergrass and Becks Midnite Vultures) and full of horns, hand claps and double-entendres, Belle and Sebastians seventh album The Life Pursuit is a continuation and improvement upon the direction they started going with 2003s Dear Catastrophe Waitress, turning that previous effort into a transitional piece. This is the first time Ive heard Belle and Sebastian throw psychedelic soul into their music Song for Sunshine and theyve tightened up their 1960s concept-album sound. Theyve caught some sort of from-beyond-the-grave Marc Bolan boogie fever that many B&S purists seem to scoff at, preferring their 1996 If Youre Feeling Sinister-era shy, pretty baroque pop. Sure, The Life Pursuit may be more accessible to the mainstream, but it proves B&S have the chops to bust out with irrepressible buoyancy and funky, poppy songs deserving of your attention and who could believe theyve been keeping that Peter Frampton-style guitar solo under wraps for so long? Jamila Roehrig

BITTER:SWEET
The Mating Game
Quango Music
Street 03.07
BITTER:SWEET = Esthero + Black Box Recorder + Zero 7 + Moloko + Sneaker Pimps + Portishead + late Goldfrapp + a slew of other trip-hop
Its a problem when promotional information is all about the serendipitous story of the albums creation (Molokos story is better anyway) instead of the music. BITTER:SWEETs (where do they get off using a colon like that anyway?) debut album has soulful R&B, funky instrumental work and a sense of humor. Really, though, thats all its got. I could put about 15 more bands in that equation and I would be so right. And all those bands are better, were released first and are less poppy. Yeah, I know, three strikes. But this album has a playfulness thats more genuine than Black Box Recorders gentle humor, and that kittenish flipping-of-hair comes through. So, basically, if you want one more band in the ever-expanding canon of chick trip-hop, check it out. If youve already got two of the above bands, though, youll just be bored. A to the J to the Jepsen

Bullet For My Valentine
The Poison
Trustkill
Street: 02.14
Bullet For My Valentine = Killswitch Engage + As I Lay Dying + Caliban + Atreyu
Never judge a book by its cover. The bands name may suggest some wimpy screamo band., but this record dishes out a slap-in-the-face of aggression. Incorporating the leads into the meaty riffs shows up many of the post-hardcore bands of today. Hook, line and sinker, BFMV reel the listener in, making for a catch of the day. Ironically, the record came out on Valentine's Day yeah, that wasnt planned. All emo-ness aside, the clean and gruff vocals mix well, complementing each other. A band may have a name that suggests one thing, but the music portrays something entirely different. Bryer Wharton

Catacombs
In The Depths Of RLyeh
Moribund
Street: 02.21
Catacombs = skepticism + My Dying Bride
Are you afraid of the dark? Then stay out of the catacombs. The band's sole creator, Xathagorra Mlandroth (say that five times fast), has been dabbling in music for a while with his band Hierophant. One thing is for sure, if you are in a good mood, dont pop this sucker in or it will drain the life force right out of you. It's steamroller slow, with Cookie Monster vocals echoing like some sad demon stuck in hell. One can easily get lost in the dark realm of this netherworld, seeking out some light but only to be drowned out by more darkness. This isnt everyones cup of tea. Extreme doom-metal isnt the most accessible form of metal, but those who enjoy wallowing in their own self-pity and hatred will fall further into the murkiness that this music has to offer. Bryer Wharton

Coulier
Vibin
Street: 02.07
Stickfigre/Poopduty
Coulier = Terra Melos + The Mars Volta a fucking clue
I am the first guy to love any release that requires a respectable IQ to listen to. I love the antics of artists such as Mike Patton, Captain Beefheart and Zappa and yes, their work has been considered complexly bizarre. This record is also complex and strange in that kid who dressed weird in high school to get attention way, but it has no core. There are impressive guitar leads even dueling leads and a great deal of promising ideas, but they were all bastardized by the simple rule of making something listenable. This record is not a composition, nor is it cohesive whatsoever. This record is metal riffs played in jazz timing, blindsided by electro funk, sodomized by quirky vocal interjections, and all-around molested by talented musicians who can write music, but cant write songs. When I saw the layout, I was sure I was going to love this, but the book might as well be nothing but the cover in this case. Chuck Berrett

Crime In Stereo
The Troubled Stateside
Nitro Records
Street: 04.18
Crime in Stereo=Silent Majority + Lifetime + NYC + Pop - Crappiness
If all the mall-punk kids listened to Lifetime, Silent Majority, Dag Nasty and Grey Area, theyd be listening to Crime in Stereo instead of that drivel on the radio. Imagine if the melding of pop-punk and hardcore didnt suck. Crime in Stereo did that, and theyve produced a fine album. Its not quite up to par with The Contract or Explosives and the Will to Use Them, but itll still be a kick in the pants to a genre that went stale about six years ago. Crime in Stereos guitar lines are complex, weaving in and out, and theyre not as hurried this time. Being a little more developed, they allow the listener more of a chance to grasp onto the melody lines. The slower songs on the record are the weak points not because theyre slow, but because they sound more run-of-the-mill than the rest of the material. All in all a fine effort, and a good debut on Nitro after the move from Blackout. Peter Fryer

Drawn and Quartered
Hail Infernal Darkness
Moribund
Street: 01.31
Drawn and Quartered = Morbid Angel + Immolation + Deeds of Flesh
Death metal can be a touchy genre, especially now that bands are a dime a dozen. What comes out as of late usually turns into a Morbid Angel tribute. Drawn and Quartered have been around for over 10 years, so they can say theyve been around the block. This being my first dabbling into the band, Im not sure what their previous work sounds like. Alas, Drawn and Quartered follow the standard routine, playing mid-paced death metal, with guttural vocals and tar-thick riffing and the occasional solo bursting forth. I hate to knock a band's bio, but when you are using the fact that the band is evil, as a selling point, you know youre getting desperate. Bryer Wharton

Eastern Youth
365 - step blues
Five One Inc.
Street: 03.21
Eastern Youth = Get Up Kids + Jimmy Eat World + Against Me! (in Japanese)
Eastern Youth have accomplished more than most struggling, hardworking bands here in the United States. They have toured with the late, great At the Drive-In, Jimmy Eat World and have not only toured with Cursive, but released a split CD with them. They also released their own U.S. debut album, What Can You See From Your Place, in 2003 and they dont even sing in English. Formed in Japan in 1988, Eastern Youth have paid their dues by releasing powerful albums and becoming a force to reckon with at home; they are also quickly becoming something to keep an eye on here in the U.S. The fact that they dont sing a single word in English amazingly doesnt affect the quality of their music in the slightest. Each song on 365 - step blues has a different feel and the vocals, sung in Japanese, slap your curiosity around, making you wonder what it is you dont understand that sounds so interesting and enticing. It leaves you thinking that maybe youd rather not know, because being ignorant never sounded so good. Jeremy C. Wilkins

Emergency Broadcast System
S/T EP
Coastal Ghost Records
Street: 03.01
Emergency Broadcast System = Fugazi + New Order
The first three tracks on this EP are standard and frankly forgettable indie rock songs; it's not that they arent solid tunes, but that they are just indistinguishable from the legions of other acts out there. The first songs, like The Countess, dont convince you that this new band is a standout, but by the second half of the album they seem to pick up momentum and develop a few fine ideas. The fourth track, The Stones They Throw, builds from a simple melodic guitar line that reaches a Do Make Say Think crescendo. From here on out, the songs have much more guts and individuality. Apart from the guitar sounds that youre used to, they also utilize the harmonic, high-end delay style that The Edge invented in the 80s. It's only in the last few minutes of the album that they manage to get where they should have been from the beginning. Spencer Jenkins

A Global Threat
Where the Sun Never Sets
BYO Records
Street: 02.07
A Global Threat = The Boils + The Unseen + Clit 45
After listening to this album I seriously thought about ripping my A Global Threat patch off my jacket and burning the damned thing. The songs on this album are as stagnant as the water that flooded New Orleans. Where the Sun Never Sets isnt nearly as fast as their previous releases, and the screechy vocals found on What the Fuck Will Change have been replaced with a much deeper and blander set of them. The only decent song on the album is The Running Man. If A Global Threat are going to keep releasing such mediocre albums, maybe it is time for them to retire. Count me out of the AGT crew. Jeanette Moses

Ghostigital
In Cod We Trust
Ipecac Recordings
Street: 03.07
Ghostigital = Dalek + KUKL + Legendary Pink Dots + not as good as youd like
Lets do this in second person: You put this in your CD player and you hear rhythmic static. You think, okay, noise influence. The first track is a little scary. Youre honest with yourself, you can admit that your eyebrows get a little heavy. The frantic, sampled vocals, high pitched and grating, make you worried. Then the hip-hop rhymes drop in, which sound pretty alright. Second track: Wait, the vocals arent sampled, theyre just irritating throughout the whole album. You realize that this album sounds like a mash-up at its worst. It's heavy, slow, methodic hip-hop thrown onto a noise album. The noise albums great, the hip-hops good; but shit, you think, they just dont work together. You wish oh, you wish Ghostigital had just made one disc instead of two. You sigh, find disquiet and disappointment in your chest, write this and put on Dalek. A Jimmy J

Glissandro 70
S/T
Constellation
Street Date: 03.07
Glissandro 70 = classic minimalist composers + The Microphones + the evolution of Constellation
The Constellation label is responsible for possibly the most wandering, messy (yet addictive) post-rock music known to man. But theyre also heavier on the non-complacent artist than business types, so its no surprise to hear someone like Glissandro 70 on the roster. While the tenuous duo (Sandro Perri of Polmo Polpo and Craig Dunsmuir of Guitarkestra) do visit strange territories, they focus their work on largely pulse-oriented and pastoral explorations. Single guitar notes are lovingly tweaked (digitally, but it translates as very organic) and layered alongside birdcalls; Amazonian war cries make friends with shakers, detuned cello drones and quasi-funk riffs; Perri and Dunsmuir turn chants (credited as inspired by Talking Heads and Juan Atkins tracks) into rhythmic beds over which they serve echoing wah-wah notes and bubbling electronics. For the closer, End West, they snatch elements from the previous pieces for a 13-minute finale, something one might call boot-stomping or trancey, or any number of lazy descriptions. As oddball as all this seems, the result is a very tasteful, gorgeous, listenable disc full of nooks and crannies you wont catch until 30 listens in. Yes, that is a guarantee that you wont tire of it for at least that long. Dave Madden

Good Clean Fun
Between Christian Rock and a Hard Place
Equal Vision Records
Street: 01.24
Good Clean Fun = the anti-Jars of Clay
The appeal of Good Clean Fun has always resided in their humor and not in their musical chops. Little has changed in the last few years for the band, at least musically. For those unfamiliar, heres a crash course: DC Straight-Edge vegan band whose entire purpose is paying homage to bands of yore and putting the ha back in hardcore. Unfortunately, much has changed in the world in the last few years since GCFs last release, and their relevance to the scene, the world, and politics is somehow off. With the Middle East in total upheaval and an administration that shamelessly admits to illegal activity, GCF has bigger topics to tackle than those found in old tracks like Sweet Tooth and Who Shares Wins. Drug War really sums up the new mentality with the line You know its bad when the straight-edge kid is the one saying legalize. Things are far from black and white these days, and consciousness is moving past simple scene critiques. Its not nostalgia for a simpler, funnier Good Clean Fun that Im really after, but of a simpler funnier time, period, where bands like Good Clean Fun are more at home. Peter Fryer

Gram Rabbit
Cultivation
Stinky Records
Street Date: 04.18
Gram Rabbit = Starlight Mints + Stone Temple Pilots + H.R. Pufnstuf Hannah Marcus Gorilla Sleepytime Museum
Just because you are attractive and female does not mean that producing cute electro-pop that reads like a psychedelic childrens book is anything but shit in a blender. I could probably go on and on about how they used interesting noises and instruments to create bullshit soundscapes or something along those lines, but I am not going to do that. Cultivation falls underneath the who cares category of art music created on a very personal level that is a muddy mess of chlamydia-infested whore poetry. Learn a thing or two about writing (and songwriting) before entering the studio, you out-of-touch assholes. Maybe if everyone just ignores this band they will go away. Ryan Powers

Gregor Samsa
55:12
The Kora Records
Release Date: 03.07
Gregor Samsa = Low + Red Sparrows + Carissas Weird
Gregor Samsa make music to dream to. Its hard to say whether these would be sweet dreams or terrifying nightmares, but there is a hazy fog which rolls over their songs that Ive only experienced in sleep. Much like experimental giants Mogwai, Gregor Samsa lure the listener in with lush, off-kilter beauty, only to abuse you with overpowering blows of amplified whispers. From Richmond, Virginia, they are a four piece, multi-layered force full of male/female vocal dynamics and perfectly chaotic strings. Fans of Godspeed You Black Emperor epic style and confused sadness will find sanctuary in this full-length follow-up to their two previous EPs. Chuck Berrett

Guajiro
Guajiro EP
Achala/Long Beach Records
Street: 03.06
Guajiro = the Spanish language + The Ramones genuineness
According to the promotional sticker on the front of Guajiros EP, they have successfully put Latin fervor and 77 spirit back into punk music. Come on now, was there ever Latin fervor in punk music? And putting the 77 spirit back into punk music? Thats a pretty hefty statement to be making. I dont recall any punk from the 1977-era throwing out songs in Spanish and Espanglish, as it is termed by Guajiro when they sing both Spanish and English. Maybe there was some sort of punk revolution in Spanish-speaking countries back in 77 and Ive just never heard about it because Im an ignorant Caucasian. Regardless of Spanish punk and the 77 spirit, this EP is somewhere between the radio-friendly, pseudo-punk Guajiro claims not to be and the music that plays in Betos 24/7.The songs sung strictly in Spanish arent nearly as ridiculous as the others, but they dont have the kind of punk attitude Guajiro claims them to have. When listening to the Guajiro EP, it is hard to take it seriously and to not laugh out loud. There may be some kind of Latin fervor going on, but there isnt any 77 spirit. Jeremy C. Wilkins

Hacavitz
Venganza
Moribund
Street: 01.31
Hacavitz = Incantation + Immolation + Krisiun
Do you crave brutal death-metal that doesnt suck? Look no further, Hacavitz has come to lay claim. Speed is the game, no mid-paced tunes here just straight-up blasting. The raw production only adds to the bands cult status. Enduring line-up change after line-up change, the group finally found a happy meeting of musicians and set forth to record Venganza. Words like uncompromising, devastating and slaughtering can describe what Hacavitz has to offer. This is sure to be an acclaimed death-metal release. Music fans who dont listen to the genre much can still get drawn into the raw, harsh emotion the band displays. Bryer Wharton

Hell is For Heroes
Transmit Disrupt
Epitaph/Burning Heart Records
Street: 02.21
Hell is For Heroes = Radiohead + Thursday
Thankfully, Hell is For Heroes signed a worldwide record deal with Burning Heart Records to make Transmit Disrupt available to the United States not just to the folks in the UK. On the front and back cover of Transmit Disrupt there is a picture of smothering fog and tree-laden hills in black and white with an overwhelming gray hue and some kind of transmitting tower, barely visible, on the far-off hills. The cover art appropriately depicts the dark, somber mood and complexity of the album. To get all Hell is For Heroes has to offer on their second release, it takes some contemplative listening and being able to lie down, close your eyes and let it all sink in. From slow beats and soft, stomach-churning vocals; to loud guitars and chaotic noise with screaming, this album is a real treat. Jeremy C. Wilkins

I Love You But Ive Chosen Darkness
Fear is On Our Side
Secretly Canadian
Street: 03.07
I Love You But Ive Chosen Darkness = dark-phase New Order (and all of their influences) + Interpol
Do you really love me? Because if you did, I dont think you would have chosen darkness. Can a band with a name like I Love You But Ive Chosen Darkness really stand the test of time? Can you say ILYBICD? Thats a mouthful, but the music is gosh-darn catchy, and it builds in the essence of all those who praise the glorious new wave of Joy Division, The Cure and maybe even some shoegaze, a la My Bloody Valentine. They are also on Secretly Canadian, the label that brought us such wonderful Midwestern rock as The Impossible Shapes and Swearing at Motorists. This rock is moody and atmospheric; you know what you are getting into the second you put it in your CD player. If these guys were from New York, they might be Interpol. But theyre from Austin, Texas, second coolest city in the U.S., so they know how the slow slurring of guitars blends into the sun, or some crap like that. Luckily, they like synthesizers as much as the rest of the world, and they use them, but not in the I-grew-up-on-Yes-in-the-80s way. Its more in the Depeche Mode-rocks-and-you-know-it way. Juday Nelsoon

Ironbound NYC
With a Brick
Thorp Records
Street: 01.24
Ironbound = Sick of It All + Agnostic Front + Cro Mags
Its nice of this band to let everyone know where theyre from; I guess if it were Ironbound SLC, it wouldnt have the same concept. All cheesiness aside, the record is a good throwback to the old-school NYC hardcore sound. There are positives and negatives on this album. The style of old-school NYC hardcore that the band plays is true to its predecessors, but the band tries way too hard at being what they are by playing the NYC theme to death. Fans of older Sick of It All will most likely dig this record; technically, it could be called a side project of the band, since it contains two members. Bryer Wharton

Kataklysm
In the Arms of Devastation
Nuclear Blast
Street: 02.24
Kataklysm = the northern hyper-blast
Curious as to what the northern hyper-blast is? Well, its a term the Canadian band has stuck to for quite a while. Does it mean their brand of death-metal is different from the others? Yes and no. The group has been a staple in the death-metal scene for years, consistently putting out decent records. In the Arms of Devastation sees the band in a more dynamic state than usual. That means more solos, varied riffing, tempo changes and a modification of the standard blast-beat. Kataklysm may not exercise any experimentation, but damned if they dont continue to slay some serious ass. Bryer Wharton

Krisiun
AssassiNation
Century Media
Street: 02.21
Krisiun = death-metal from the bowels of Brazil
Brazil has a knack for producing some great metal bands, Krisiun being one of them. From the early days of raw, relentless speed to newer groove-intermittent yet still-fast death metal, the band has been pushing pure gold (minus one stinker, Ageless Venomous, a production mistake that ruined the whole record). AssassiNation marks a mixture of the bands style from their amazing technicality and speed to contagion and indulgence in sonic excess. Fortunately, I had the chance to see the band live a while back, an equally insane band onstage as on record. Imagine cramming your cranium into a blender set on puree and you have an idea of what Krisiun can do. Bryer Wharton

Last Laugh
No Regrets
Suburban Noize Records
Street: 02.21
Last Laugh = Unwritten Law + Ten Foot Pole + early No Use For a Name + Pennywise + Rise Against
On No Regrets, Last Laughs sophomore attempt, they wanted to mix the 90s California skate-punk sound with their own. This wasnt a good idea. I once got paid to drink a mixture of water, ketchup and pepper and when I wasnt looking a friend poured an entire salt shaker into the glass. For the next 45 minutes I threw up, followed by uncontrollable dry-heaving. With this in mind, Im not sure why Last Laugh tried to bring back the 90s skate-punk sound and try and make it their own by adding in some Rise Against-type screaming. The 90s skate-punk sound wasnt ever that good anyway, and thats why we now refer to it by using a time period; because its over. Pennywise will put out a record here and there, but we all know that scene is hanging on by a pinky finger and should be stepped on to ensure it ends. Its hard to listen to Last Laughs identity crisis on this album; theyre not sure whether they want to sound like Pennywise or Rise Against or Unwritten Law. Listening to No Regrets doesnt feel as bad as continuous throwing up and dry-heaving, but it doesnt feel good either. Jeremy C. Wilkins

The Lawrence Arms
Oh! Calcutta!
Fat Wreck Chords
Street: 03.07
The Lawrence Arms = 30footFALL + Against Me! + a hint of Axl Rose
The Lawrence Arms have really outdone themselves with Oh! Calcutta! Song after song, my eardrums were screaming to hear more and hear it at irresponsibly high decibel levels. Listening to TLA at home, in the car or on the iPod gives the same feeling of intensity as seeing your favorite band live. As of November 27 of last year, TLA played their 756th show, so theyve had a few practice runs to get to where they are with Oh! Calcutta!, their third release with Fat Wreck Chords and fifth overall. The blended vocals of Brenden and Chris work together like pico de gallo on a Betos burrito, satisfying that 2 a.m. craving. 12 songs in 33.9 minutes are enough, but a few more wouldnt have hurt. Aside from their music, TLAs strong opinions of politics and contempt for President Bush have given them publicity from The Daily Show with Jon Stewart this past year, and their speaking out against the Vans Warped Tour (while touring with it) got them booted off the tour. Listen up, because these outspoken Chicago natives have something to say and demand to be heard. Jeremy C. Wilkins

The Loved Ones
Keep Your Heart
Fat Wreck Chords
Street: 02.21
The Loved Ones = One Hit Wonder + Bruce Springsteen going punk
Question: What do you get when you combine vocals and guitar from The Curse, bass from Kid Dynamite and drums from Trial By Fire? Answer: The Loved Ones. Dave Hause, Michael Cotterman and Mike Sneeringer all shared the same record label (Jade Tree, where they also released their first EP) while in past bands and already knew each other, making it easy for them to form The Loved Ones. The band, still in its infancy, was able to get out on the road and play with the likes of The Bouncing Souls, Hot Water Music and Alkaline Trio. If youre a fan of the band members prior bands, dont buy Keep Your Heart expecting it to sound reminiscent of past efforts. They seem to have gone down the same path traveled by many, using a simple recipe of punk chords, drum beats and throaty vocals to help them along. Theres nothing remarkable on this album; theyre not breaking the sound barrier, curing cancer or solving world hunger, but theres something about Keep Your Heart that sucks me in like a black hole. Maybe they are just damn fine music chefs and know how to follow a successful recipe whatever theyre doing, it works. Jeremy C. Wilkins

Machinemade God
The Infinity Complex
Metal Blade
Street: 03.21
Machinemade God = Lamb of God + Scars of Tomorrow + dull and uninspired
It is no question that The Infinity Complex is this German groups debut album. Lacking originality and playing skills that dont quite measure up, Machinemade God descend into the depths of hardcore. Lacking emotion and heart, it seems the group is running the gauntlet of what many other bands are doing. There may be some nice breakdowns and whatnot, but ultimately it wont save the band in the end. How these copycat bands keep getting signed who knows? Metal Blade has had a knack for signing crappy hardcore and metal-core bands, jumping on the bandwagon a bit too late. Bryer Wharton

Magicicada
Everyone is Everyone
Public Guilt
Street: 02.28
Magicicada = Polmo Polpo + field recording + moaning
There is that great Talking Heads number (Nothing but Flowers) about natures mimesis of culture and technology (once there were parking lots; now its a peaceful oasis). If the middle stages of that fictional process, the rapid growth of vines and shooting of springs catalyzing the snapping and stretching of rebar and concrete, were lacking a 68-minute CD accompaniment, they are no longer. Christopher White, the Atlanta-based artist behind Magicicada, effectively juxtaposes an overall tectonic sensibility with multifarious emotive cadences. This is music that works best at its slowest and it stays there for the most part. Dreadfully, the vocal contributions are nothing short of obnoxious, though they are few and far between. Along similar lines, I Demand My Fucking Cloud, described by the artist as the best non-sequitur to yell out a car window, is stupid. The album survives, but why let talk spoil good art? Guantanamo J

No Trigger
Canyoneer
Nitro Records
Street: 03.27
No Trigger = Minor Threat + Lifetime
Musical genres have become so diluted nowadays (a little post-punk-metal-screamo-polka-core anyone?) that a return to roots is in order. Enter No Trigger. The straight-ahead rhythm of Canyoneer bulldozes ahead with technical guitars backing cat-o-nine-tails vocals that whip your ass into shape while pushing aside all the filler. The music begs no questions, the talent speaks for itself. No namby-pamby songs here folks, these guys mean business. Shane Farver

The Ocean
Aeolian
Metal Blade
Street: 03.07
The Ocean = Old Man Gloom + Neurosis + Converge + Coalesce + Breach
Avast ye mateys, sail this sea for one hell of a ride! By the end you will be puking your brains out from the brash waves of sound. This is one release this year that must be listened to. Mixing the best of many bands, yet still staying original, Aeolian is the heavier of a twin release, Fluxion, both of which were recorded from January 2004 to July 2005. Its crushing, yet sneaks in melodies when least expected. Aeolian prepares to blow some eardrums right out of the water. Making things even better, the record features a slew of guest appearances including Tomas Hallbom of Breach, Nate Newton of Converge and ex-Coalesce vocalist Sean Ingram, all talented vocalists in their respected fields. Bryer Wharton

One Dead Three Wounded
Paint the Town
1x1 Music
Street: 01.24
One Dead Three Wounded = Turmoil + Darkest Hour = At the Gates
Technically, Paint the Town is not a new release. The record is getting the re-release treatment by 1x1 Music, due to the lack of promotion and availability of the record from their prior label. The Philly quintet has come up with an inventive form of metal-core, which, for the most part, is entertaining. The music isnt breakdown based, like many hardcore and metal-core acts. Its on the brink of lead-worthy metal, but with hardcore and a Southern edge tainting the release. Also incorporated is a strong melodic death-metal sound. According to vocalist Tim Zahodski, the bands live show is stronger than the music on CD. You can never recreate the same feeling, Zahodski said. A recording will never compare to the emotions that come off live. Bryer Wharton

Picket Line
Chapter: End
Self-released
Street: 05.02
Picket Line = Tool + screamo
Picket Line has perfected the art of the drive-by, and is ready to do as many drive-bys as needed to get people to listen to them. Their venue-on-wheels is a trailer which converts into a stage by dropping down the sides like a secret passage from Indiana Jones. On top of the trailer is a stage floor and there are two 32" plasma monitors on either side of the stage. Sadly, I cant recommend Chapter: End, Picket Lines debut release, even though there are a few stand-out songs, like Mid-Air Narcolepsy and S.L.E.E.P. At first, I found myself impressed with the soothing vocals laced with shrieking, vocal-chord straining screams and the soft-at-times, hard-at-times instrumentals. However, when given a closer listen a few days later, I was not nearly as stoked. All I could hear was Maynard James Keenan and Tool with a screamo twist, not too surprising considering producers Kale Holmes and Sylvia Massy Shivy have worked with Tool. With a few more listens I did start to hear more individuality and began to like Chapter: End for what it is: a first album. So while I cant say go out and buy this album, try not to miss a drive-by-performance. -Jeremy C. Wilkins

P.O.S
Audition
Rhymesayers Entertainment
Street: 01.31
P.O.S = Doomtree + Baxter + Cardinal Sinners
On first listen, youd like to pigeon-hole this album, wouldnt you? Well, you shouldnt. P.O.S is somewhat of a hybrid between punk rock and hip-hop, but its so much more than that. Some tracks are downbeat and ethereal, horrific and intense, effortless and canny, with political punch lines that are murky at best. However, as experimentally grab-bag as this record seems, it is also filled with enough substance to go around the table. P.O.Ss (a.k.a. Pissed Off Steph, Piece Of Shit, Promise Of Stress, and other colorful names) music is different from anything else on the Rhymesayers label, and compelling enough to carve its own way into your face and leave it in ribbons, because frankly, thats all they want to do. With an exuberance of other MCs/vocal percussionists like Slug of Atmosphere, Greg Attonito of Bouncing Souls and Craig Finn of The Hold Steady, Audition gets to come back to my ears for another listen. Lance Saunders

Psychic Paramount
The Franco-Italian Tour
Public Guilt
Street: 02.28
Psychic Paramount = Laddio Blocko + Khanate + Acid Mothers Temple + Vibracathedral Orchestra
Pitchfork Media blandly states that these guys know what theyre doing. Sure, Pitchfork, sure. Thats easy enough. But if you really listened to them you could make much more animated metaphors that would have the chance to get used on a press sheet, such as if my cock could drum, if Jamie Lee Curtis clit could play bass and if Astor Piazzola could shred like a goblin with herpes that would be the insanely dusted and dangerous sound of But in all honesty, this releases mixes the killer cocktail (set on destroy) rock of Circle blended with the wobbly anticipation of (insert noise band) to create a dirty and derogatory potion of unpredictability. I give this release 8.4 pitchforks out of 10. Erik Lopez

The Radio Beats
Ready To Shake
Big Neck Records
Street: 12.27.05
Radio Beats = Teengenerate + Devil Dogs
What youve got here is your basic, no-frills, three-chord, lo-fi, move-the-furniture-out-on-the-lawn, party-down, drunken hip-shake garage-trash. Theres nothing entirely new or innovative about it, but there doesnt really always have to be. Its not going to start a revolution, thats not what the Radio Beats are out to do. Ready To Shake, in all its 90s generic-isms, is a fun record and sometimes thats all that really matters. The Devil Dogs are an obvious reference point and the fact that Steve Baise from said 90s luminaries recorded this sucker only adds to that. The guitars are totally in-the-red with the fuzz notched up all the way, the rhythm section is tight, and the vocals are pushed back into the mix, giving the recording that live-in-a-stinky-low-ceiling-basement feel that makes me all warm inside. Shit, I can practically smell the beer. Jared T. Soper

Remembering Never
God Save Us
Ferret Records
Street: 02.21
Remembering Never = metalcore act 101 + political consciousness
Metal, hardcore, punk and metal-core acts are adept at recycling; its what keeps these genres alive. The appeal of these styles of music lies in familiar textures, themes, progressions, time changes, etc. You can see breakdowns, double-time parts and lyrical content coming from a mile away. Its the reason theyve managed to stay around for such a long time there is little risk in understanding most bands of these genres. Remembering Never is politically charged metal-core. There really doesnt have to be much more of a review. The production quality of this CD is top notch, and the lyrics are decent, describing varying topics like war, racism, vegetarianism and gay marriage. The time breakdowns get repetitive after awhile, but originality doesnt seem to be the goal of Remembering Never. Gone are most of the singing parts from previous releases, but where they are peppered throughout the CD adds moments of interest. God Save Us is not a musically interesting record, but its positive messages, filtered through a negative outlook, are its redeeming quality. If you need something to shower-mosh to in the morning, this would do the trick. Peter Fryer

The Robocop Kraus
They Think They Are The Robocop Kraus
Epitaph
Street: 02.21
The Robocop Kraus = The B52s + The Talking Heads + Zom Zoms
I find this album frustrating on the verge of something interesting occasionally capturing the nuances of bands such as No-Fi Soul Rebellion or LCD Soundsystem, but mostly sucking the listener in only to break their heart with indistinguishable tracks and the least catchy hooks since Sir-Mix-A-Lots B-sides. Sure, its got sassy parts, vibrato beepy parts, and even some Talking Heads-ish parts but it isnt solid. The B52s-style vocals (you know, that annoying guy) arent helping too much; and the repetitive, formulaic songwriting style led me to believe the CD had already played twice, when it was still on track seven. Unfortunately, as this is the fourth album from this group, I dont see them progressing much further. Maybe they used to be good. Ryan Powers

Shoplifting
Body Stories
Kill Rock Stars
Street: 03.21
Shoplifting = Porno for Pyros + Chromatics + Subdivision
Another all-star band of sorts, the members of Shoplifting do not stray too far from their roots (Soiled Doves, Chromatics, The Gossip). Abstract staccato guitar carries a discordant rhythm behind a haunting chorus of chants and screaming, creating a sound very similar to the latest Chromatics release. Excruciatingly more dynamic and interesting than 99 percent of other new music, its similarities to other projects can be overlooked; Body Stories creates an authentically unique atmosphere set somewhere between obelisks of reverb and cannibalistic rhythms. Most importantly, this effect is achieved using a simple arrangement of instruments relying on innovation rather than technology. How novel. Ryan Powers

The Sounds
Dying to Say This to You
New Line Records
Street Date: 04.15
The Sounds = Blondie + Britney Spears + Hot Hot Heat + The Faint
Dying to Say This to You is excitingly vanilla in tone, and I dont mean the fancy vanilla with the little black specks, I mean the boring white vanilla that comes freezer-burnt in one-gallon tubs. Dont get me wrong, the album isnt entirely inedible; the production is flawless and the lead vocals are sexy (despite the Mickey Mouse Club-meets-Wham! lyrics). The Sounds are branded as an exceedingly pretentious band, perhaps because they can do everything wrong (cheesy pop-punk structures, awful lyrics, boring everything else) and still produce moderate dance music, something that every dance club needs when else are you supposed to go to the bathroom, buy a drink or perhaps ditch that drunk girl drooling pussy snot all over your new jeans? Ryan Powers

Sparks
Hello Young Lovers
In The Red
Street: 03.13
Sparks = Queen + Irving Berlin + The Beatles circa The White Album
All I do now is dick around, spouts Russell Mael in opening this quirky pop masterpiece. And dick around they do, on 10 tracks of brilliant left-field tales of picking up chicks by using metaphors, being waterproof and more. Hello Young Lovers marks the Mael brothers twentieth album and the first for L.A. garage-punk forerunners In The Red and in their ever-relentless, under-documented quest to keep pop music interesting, they decided to abandon the rulebook entirely. In recording the album, Sparks locked themselves and their touring band (which now includes Steve McDonald of the legendary Red Kross on bass) in their L.A. studio for a few months, shut themselves off from outside influences and essentially created it in a vacuum. Containing moments of melodious beauty, complete with strings and Ron Maels distinct piano-plunking as well as times of balls-out dissonance, this album hints at the Sparks of old but as a whole is an entirely new creature. So, does it work? Shit yeah! Few bands these days are turning rock n roll on its head as distinctly as these guys, not to mention any band that has been together for more than 30 years. This is the smartest record of the year! Jared T. Soper

Terrestrial Tones
Dead Drunk
Paw Tracks
Street: 02.02
Terrestrial Tones = Black Dice + Animal Collective
I know that equation up there is pretty literal. You saw that and said, Terrestrial Tones is just Dave Portner (Avey Tare of Animal Collective) and Eric Copeland (of Black Dice). That equation is worthless. I say, Hey, man! Thats exactly what this sounds like. It has all the cantankerous electro clomp of Broken Ear Record and the forgotten spaz of Here Comes the Indian. It is, literally and figuratively, a meeting of minds. Then you say, Why are you quoting yourself in a review? I will become uncomfortable and thrust the copy of Dead Drunk Im holding at your chest and scurry away, not to be seen for a fortnight. Later that evening you will listen to that bizarrely acquired CD and say, He was right. Guantanamo J

Test Icicles
For Screening Purposes Only
Domino
Street: 02.02
Test Icicles = Blood Brothers + any hair metal band + anything out of the UK in the past year + a dash of old-skool hip hop
Lets get this out of the way Test Icicles are Englands hot new band this week. Its possible you wont even know who they are because, like, the UK is soooooo mega-hip that unless you subscribe to NME, youre simply not in enough to understand. Get with the times and off my MySpace buddy list, geek! Look at their ironic t-shirts! Their skintight pants! The Test Icicles experience isnt as bad as that statement would imply. The reviews Ive caught of this album put it in the so inventive it doesn't fit in with any genre category. I assume none of those people have heard of the Blood Brothers, because that's clearly where their majority of vocal inspiration comes from. There is a little of everything on this album: spazzy guitars, abrupt tempo shifts, 80s-era guitar solos, silly Beastie Boys-esque raps. Its clear that all three members of the band have hugely diverse influences Im just hoping that rather than throwing everything against the wall and hoping something sticks, they can sift through their ingredients to pull out the ones that mix together a bit nicer. It should be interesting to see where they go from here, if anywhere. Jesika Medici

Tractor Sex Fatality
Black Magic, White Pussy
Big Neck Records
Street: 01.30
Tractor Sex Fatality = (Scratch Acid + Monoshock)/ the square root of the 21st Century
On their second album (which, oddly enough, was recorded before their first) Seattles Tractor Sex Fatality definitely bring the noise. While they often get comparisons to the glory days of the Amphetamine Reptile labels dirge and thunk, TSF are much more maniacal and manage to bring in a whole new arsenal, which includes bits of the Pussy Galore/Swans school of bang-on-anything-you-can-find-for-percussion, and the psychedelic rama-lama-fuzz-fuzz-fuzz of the Debris. Theres not a single AmRep band that I can think of that was this scary. What about Lubricated Goat? you say. No, they were just silly. Cows? you ask. Well they certainly were crazy, but theirs was basically a bouncing-off-the-walls-of-my-padded-cell-because-I-havent-taken-my-meds-in-four-days crazy, this is more of a nobody-knows-Im out-of-my-cage-and-I-just-ate-a-live-chicken-because-the-appetite-suppressants-didnt-work-and-now-Im-looking-your-way-cause-Im-still-hungry kind of crazy. Youve been warned. Jared T. Soper

Various Artists
Invite Them Up
Comedy Central Records
Street: 12.06.05
Invite Them Up = every Premium Blend episode distilled into tall-boy format
Comedy is a lot like poetry. 90 percent of it is awful. So it seems, just based on the odds alone, that if you have a 3xCD plus a DVD package of comedy, most of it will absolutely worthless. No exception here, folks. While this collection does have some great dripping buckets of hot cum thanks to the comic stylings of the Doilies, some well-timed awkard hilarity by Stella member David Wain and a great bit by The Forgetabuddies among other things, it still suffers from a certain self-indulgent attitude that stand-up comedy seems to breed. A little word to the wise here: if you do decide to do stand-up comedy after hearing this CD, make sure not to dry-hump a wooden chair for five minutes to demonstrate to the audience a sexual position you just found out about 10 minutes before you go on stage. Erik Lopez

Various Artists
Songs For Kids of All AgesSee You on the Moon!
Paper Bag Records
Street: 03.21
S.F.K.A.A = LOW + Red House Painters + Apostle of Hustle
Remember that for-kids record from the early 90s with that song about chicken lips and lizard hips? Well, See You on the Moon is nothing like that. Finally, someone made a record for kids that isnt full of archaic nursery rhymes and biblical parables set to melody. Moreover, this compilation has the cross-generational appeal that its predecessors lacked. Dont get me wrong, Alan Sparhawk of LOW singing about the social pitfalls of having lice isnt exactly an educational song, but it sure is funny. Conversely, Glissando 70s Voices are Your Best Friend reminds us that its okay to feel sad, scream when were angry and ask for help when were confused, all without sounding like a nerdy high school guidance counselor. Broken Social Scene managed to take the stoner appeal out of Puff the Magic Dragon and turn it into melancholic lullaby, which, albeit an appropriate move is slightly disappointing. Damn, Puff was one righteous dragon. Ryan Shelton

Various Artists
Soul Sides Vol. 1
Zealous Records
Street: 03.21
Soul Sides = West-Coast soul and R&B + Motown Friends + the Internet
It looks like black is once again the new black, and I dont mean for clothing. Oliver Wang, with the help of his incredible mp3 blog soul-sides.com, has taken rare and out-of-print soul cuts and put them on a soul-slicing disc. Picture a chocolate cake made out of the finest ingredients which include but are not limited to Amedei Porceleana, the worlds most expensive chocolate, sprinkled with chunks of rare Chuao chocolate and finally cover it in edible 24-karat gold. That kind of cake is what this disc is the best of the best. This disc will make you rich in soul. Erik Lopez

xBishopx
Suicide Party
Ferret Records
Street: 01.10
xBishopx = Gorilla Biscuits + H2O
Taken from the xBishopx Production notes:
Cue double bass pedal & speedy hardcore riff.
Cue mosh parts.
Whos on the lyrics?
Ive got it. How about some ill shit about being Straight-Edge and being part of the scene? Oh yeah, and fuck fakes.
Two minutes later.
Thats a wrap!
Cue some dudes chillin at the local record shop.
These guys sound sorta like Terror but more moshy. Theyre way into being edge too.
Do bands still put Xs by their name? I didnt think anyone had done that since 98. But Ill be damned, that artworks pretty good.
Cartoony artwork for a cartoony band.
Well, its better than listening to bands whining about their girlfriends or impending darkness and shit. Yeah, I could probably floorpunch or windmill to this and then kick some poor joe in the face. I might even stage-dive for a sing-along.
If it were 98 these guys would be lost, but not everyones doing this these days. Its sort of catchy, and its pretty easy to sing along to this rhyming couplets are sweet.
Yeah, Ill give it a listen. Plus theres a song where the only lyric is go fuck yourself.
Thats pretty punk.
Ehh, I wont listen to it in a month, but I can rock it for now. Peter Fryer

Why?
Rubber Traits EP/Video
Anticon Records
Street: 02.28
Why = Hymies Basement + Reaching Quiet + Mutated Conditions
With Sandollars, Early Whitney, and now Rubber Traits, Why? Can now legitimately be self-proclaimed as the Anticon EP king. This album was a great excuse to materialize new and/or unreleased songs, one of which, Rubber Traits, taken from the December shambolic slacker-shuffle of an album; Elephant Eyelash. I was undoubtedly impressed by the hidden A-side tracks habituated by the new Yoni Collective. Pick Fights is all about how fun one might have living consciously in this embryonic and overgrowing society. Then we have Dumb Hummer, which pesters the idea of the camo-fashion statements that your eyes might be assaulted with daily. The CD also features a priceless, flub-cheesy video for Rubber Traits directed by Ravi Zupa, who has worked with Themselves and Sole in the past (check out The No Music of Aiffs). The video intensifies the song, giving it an extra jolt of energy. From a naked Yoni Wolf, to cut-and-paste Pug dogs, to Cocker Spaniels with human mouths, the video stands out on its own. Check it out just for the video, but be careful, you might get dizzy. Lance Saunders

DVD REVIEWS

Bad Religion
Live at the Pallidium
Epitaph
Street Date: 03.07
Bad Religion = Pennywise + Circle Jerks
Theyre getting up there in their years, but damn, these guys rock. No, not the Rolling Stones, you wiener Bad Religion. Live at the Pallidium is two shows worth of rocking out with the punk stalwarts in Hollywood. If your mommy wouldnt let you see them the last time they came to Salt Lake, nows your chance. Lead singer Greg Graffin is there to guide you with hand gestures, just in case youre not sure what the word fecundity means in lyrics to I Want to Conquer the World. There are oodles of material from The Empire Strikes First as well as older releases. Tim from Rise Against busts some rhymes on Let Them Eat War and interviews between live songs give some background on the band. Bad Religion has always stood by the belief that if youre going to be entertained, you may as well learn something. Fecundity means fertility, by the way. Shane Farver

The Small Faces
Under Review (DVD)
Street: 01.24
Small Faces: Booker T & The MGs + The Who
For those familiar with the London mod scene of the 1960s, this DVD offers no new information, but for others it is a good, basic overview of the pill-popping, rhythm-and-blues obsessed youth culture of the time. The Small Faces were possibly the most underrated (at least in the States) of the popular British mod bands, featuring the late Steve Marriotts (later of Humble Pie) brilliantly soulful vocals. They had a short-lived musical career from 1965 to 1968, but as this film shows, they accelerated creatively in ways that their contemporaries (The Beatles, The Kinks, The Who) didnt. Showcasing each of the bands singles, from early mod shaker Whatcha Gonna Do About It, to drug-influenced pop hits Here Comes the Nice, and Itchycoo Park, the DVD also spends some time discussing The Small Faces phenomenal, bizarre, psychedelic concept album Ogdens Nut Gone Flake (complete with A Clockwork Orange-style spoken narrative), highlighting how the band had evolved from previous albums. The most entertaining thing about Under Review is seeing rare footage of the bands performances and their strange, homemade music videos (were those fast-motion, band-goofin-around-on-the-beach shots mandatory for 1960s bands?), which reveal the ultimately kooky British lads who were The Small Faces. Jamila Roehrig