Product Reviews – July 2010

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War Regime
Tee Shirts
Warregime.com
I have never been one for the short wide type: I prefer the long and thin type myself. War Regime did the damn thing, and did it right with the first design printed on American Apparel tees. The designs wont get you laid at the bar, but they will keep you feeling good out in the streets. The second tee was a bit of a let down because it was printed on some other brand of shirt. It’s a bit short and a bit fat, not really my swagger, but it may work for someone. The second graphic was also a bit questionable. In a fat, all-over neon print, “Bitches Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks,” it was reminiscent of some real 2007 gear. The stickers I got were dope, stuck like a dream and came in some catchy colors. One even said Limited Edition: people love that shit. –Jemie Sprankle 

enjoi
Panda & Friends With Jerry Tee
Enjoico.com
Let’s face it: after a slew of hot nights and even hotter days, sometimes you just can’t stand to see another summertime sweater-vest. From the Bag of Suck crew come shirts of suck to cover up your chinchilla chest. The eye-stabbing, bright yellow “Jerry Hsu is my friend” shirt was a hit with the bugs. The fuckers wouldn’t stop flying into me. It was like a parasite party and I wanted to smoke bomb the fuck out of there. My eyes stopped working for about two minutes after looking down to see how big the pit stains were: big. It’s pretty hard to skate around in a t-shirt that blinds you and everyone in a six-block radius more than the fucking sun. Get over it and get iced, Thomas. Needless to say, the enjoi boys have made it acceptable for dirt bags to rock a Panda with pride—they’re all comedians and this is their biggest joke. –Grasshopper Vomit

Mattel
WWE Breakdown Brawl Ring
Flexforce Fist Poundin’ John Cena
Flexforce Flip Kickin’ Rey Mysterio
Shop.mattel.com
I remember growing up as a wrestling fan in the late 80s. The WWF aired two shows a week on network TV, the AWA was all over cable and Hulk Hogan’s Rock ‘N’ Wrestling was the coolest Saturday morning cartoon anyone had ever seen.  The mixture of camp, gymnastics and xenophobia was often the best thing on television. Recently our office received a pair of seven-inch action figures to review. They came with a scale-model wrestling ring with elastic ropes and a trapdoor in the center that would snap open if the figurines were body slammed hard enough. There were attachments alongside the ring where the spring-loaded men could be launched at one another.  In all it was a very high tech assortment of wrestling gear and the perfect gift for any fans you know. I passed the toys off to a 60-year-old woman at work who plans her entire life around the schedule of her wrestling shows. This is the same woman that throws away any copy of SLUG that gets left in the break room unattended. Something about how “Jesus wouldn’t read that smut.” She trembled as she took the plastic, shirtless men from my hands.  At last report mini John Cena and tiny Rey Mysterio are standing on top of her television. The ring?  She converted that into a gorgeous rhinestone-bedazzled bed for her cat. Just what Jesus would have wanted. –James Bennett  

Cliché
Résumé Book
Clicheskate.com
A lot of people only stay focused on the California scene in the world of skateboarding, but thanks to Jérémie Daclin (founder of Cliché), we all had a reason to want to visit Europe. Even though this is not quite what they wanted—ex-patriots of America coming over to try and blow up their spots—it seemed to have worked out quite nicely for the company. Filled from cover to cover with great photos, history lessons and video stills, this book is a must have for anyone who likes to read, skate and look at pictures. I am sure someone with no knowledge of skateboarding would still like it just the same. Cliché offers some of the freshest looking graphics around on their products, while still keeping it old school, by having only one artist (besides guest artists) doing all their designs to remain cohesive. Check out their shit right now if you haven’t already, or Javier Mendizabal might come over to your house and tailslide your face off. –Adam Dorobiala

Darkstar
Speed Plus Accelerator 55mm
Darkstarwood.com
Now, I like fast women, fast cars, fast food, fast DSL, fast forward and fast actin’, tough actin’ Tinactin, but above all, fast skateboard wheels. BOOM!! Now, now, now, if you’re a guy that likes to bomb hills, then you’re going to want to learn how to powerslide.  But you don’t want to have to buy a new pair of wheels every time you bomb that burly ass hill. That is why I had to try Darkstar’s Speed Plus wheels: They claim to be “the fastest” and have a no-flatspot guarantee. BOOM!! What we’re seeing here is a high-performance wheel that just won’t quit.   I mean, these babies are “formulated from the purest ingredients and supercharged with the highest rebound for maximum speed,” and if it were me out there, I know I wouldn’t want to get caught between them and some hot asphalt. Don’t take my word for it, go down to your local skate shop and buy some already. –John Matten

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