ROLLER DERBY

As anybody in the derby world will tell you, roller derby is 75% sport, 10% perspiration, and 15% beer. It’s what we drink to celebrate victories, to mourn losses, to wash down our ibuprofen, and it always tastes better in the shower before a game. Unfortunately, the rest of the world usually frowns upon our healthy drinking habit, with one exception: St. Patrick’s Day, when derby folks can go hard as fuck and face absolutely no repercussions.

The game was set in a gutted Food-4-Less building, the yellow and black sign still looming above the storefront. Inside, the fluorescent supermarket lights were buzzing bright over the taped-off track, the smell of popcorn was in the air, and fans had already started setting up blankets and camping chairs on the edge of the line, ready for gametime.

Ripped tights, fishnets and colorfully patterned legwarmers find a special home at a roller derby bout. I gained a new appreciation for these seemingly mandatory accoutrements as the skaters of both the Wasatch Roller Derby Hot Wheelers and the Black Diamond Divas did endless laps around the track, warming up for the coming bout at the Derby Depot.

Obviously, the girls on the Hot Wheleers and The Black Diamond Divas know each other well, and it showed in the play.

Junction City’s bout with the Tacokickers of Everett, Washington started out slow, and it seemed like the Tacokickers might be a good match for our gals from Ogden.

From the opening whistle, Wasatch Roller Derby’s Midnight Terrors began doling out the punishment to Slaughterhouse Roller Derby’s Prime Cuts of Greeley, Colorado.

The Junction City Train Wrecks dominated this bout. Photos: Chris Bojanower

The jammers of both teams were on each other’s heels and the pack was moving moderately, indicating the two teams of the Junction City Roller Dolls seemed well matched as the bout began.

The Treasure Valley Roller Girls of Boise, Idaho had a rough start bouting against the O-Town Derby Dames, scoring no points at all in the first four jams as the Derby Dames consistently collected points throughout the periods.

At a neighborhood recreation center the ladies of O Town’s 25^th Street Brawlers and the men of Uinta Madness skated against each other. Uinta Madness controlled the bout from the very beginning. The difference in size and strength of the teams was apparent and I found myself screaming in support of the women’s team by the end of the bout.

Fans crossed over into the derby dimension as Wasatch Roller Derby opened the 2011 season with two newly formed home teams, the Black Diamond Divas and the Hot Wheelers. It was shaping up to be a defensive bout early on as the first few jams revealed how evenly matched the teams were.

Saturday was the end of roller derby season for Salt City Derby Girls. The league championship game was played by Death Dealers and the Leave it to Cleavers. The Cleavers, who have been the league champs two years running, were looking to make league history with their third win.