What’s wrong? Are you broken up over this year’s Royal Rumble? Buck up, (s)mark! There’s still a place in this city to catch premiere, FAN-driven wrestlin’, live and uncut. You’ve just gotta drag your carcass to the The UCW-Zero Arena.

That’s where it all went down this last weekend—visits from old friends, every title defended. They anxiously awaited the Street Fight Ladder Match—truly top-rope ingredients for a thick n’ sumptious slice o’ wrestling pie. So, before I mix more food and wrestling metaphors, let’s recap the night.
Jayson Bravo + Jason Muse v. Team Titan (GT Busan + Jace Battle)
Jayson Bravo brought his new gal pal (Sierra Rose, remember?) and a "fresh-from-concussion" Jason Muse to the ring with him. Team Titan (GT Busan and Jace Battle) countered with a great entrance pop and a seamless technical synergy. Muse and Bravo failed to keep it together, Bravo visibly frustrated with his tag partner’s "cry baby" routine and Muse tagging out every few seconds, and fell prey to the Team Titan moveset (i.e. Battle Pinned Muse while Bravo was unconscious). The "Mr. T" chant for Battle, along with Bravo blowing kisses to his sweetums between bouts, made this an incredibly entertaining match and a great way to start the night.
Bronson v. Zack James
This was Zack James’ first match since the breakup, as Bronson not so subtly reminded us with his "Where’s yer girlfriend?" taunts (ice cold!). However, James was poised from the get-go, powering through his aggressor’s bad puns and ego-trips with unbridled fan favor and a move or two copped from the AJ Styles playbook to secure a well-deserved win by submission. Thre was great crowd energy, and a great win for the underdog. Maybe he’s better off without Sierra after all …
Dallas Murdock v. Jason Jaxon
The mid-carder made for an all-around basher as the factioned crowd chanted both Jason Jaxon and Dallas Murdock’s names with equal vigor. Their battle only squealed to a stop when a hooded assailant jumped in, attacked Murdock and ran out of the arena before he could be identified. The event worked in Jaxon’s favor, who pinned his exhausted opponent and retained his title. What didn’t work out so well was later, when "The Captain" Craig Stephens revealed himself to be the attacker and stomped Jaxon to the mat. A betrayal? Was it all an elaborate "work" so the Captain could take a whack at his former tag team partner? What about the police academy? What’s even real anymore? WHAT?!
Lacey Ryan v. Durango Kid
The intrusion threw a weird pall over the match and the crowd was hot. They got hotter when they remembered Durango Kid’s questionable win at the last taping, and hoped to see Lacey Ryan take her strap back. While the one doofus in the crowd who crooned "You hit like a girl!" gave Lacey a good excuse to prove him wrong, Durango Kid still clinched the win.  Choruses of "Ref you suck!" and Durango Kid’s gloating didn’t dampen Lacey’s spirits, though. She wrestled a great match and her dropkicks are a thing of beauty. She even still shook her opponent’s hand afterwards. All class.
Triple Threat match
Sierra Rose v. Morgan v. Tommy Purr
Tommy Purr returned to defend his UCW Women’s ("divas") Championship belt, and he’d wrapped it in flashing lights to mark it with that personal touch. This match ranked as great entertainment for the main event, highlights being Purr’s "Stop! Hammer Time!" joke, and when Morgan kicked him square in the plums. However, Sierra Rose won by default when Purr and Morgan timed out of the ring, usurping the self-proclaimed "Ultimate Man-Diva’s" championship status, and drew more ire from the crowd. Guess they’re siding with Zack James.
Street Fight Ladder Match Tag Team Championship
The Foundation (Martin Casaus + Derrick Jannetty) v. The 801 District (Los Mochis Paco + Junior X)
The "801! 801" chants had begun long before the bell sounded, and the ladders, which had been gleaming ‘neath the arena lights beside the ring, were finally brought in. The UCW Tag Team belt was suspended from a rope tied to a ceiling rafter, and the rematch was off to a bang … or in this case, a clatter. Martin Casaus showboated, even spitting on Junior X, but the defending champion took it in stride. What followed was an ungodly configuration of wrestling manuevers and bone shattering sounds that could never be replicated in writing … but should definitely be sampled on video. For all the blood, guts and promos, tune in to the show when it drops on Youtube. I ain’t about to spoil all that.
Cheers to those who came, and jeers to those who decided to stay home and organize their stamp collections. Repent! Roll out for the next taping on Feb. 8 at the UCW arena (47 S. Orange St.). Follow UCW-Zero on Facebook and Twitter, and subscribe to their YouTube channel. Finally (and then I’m done yammering), remember that nothing really happens until the bad guy shows up. Stay heel.