Ask a Cop: Cyborg Cop

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Illustration: Brighton Metz

Dear RoboCop,

The year is 21XX. Biker gangs run rampant in the streets of Megacity Salt Lake, fueled by cyber drugs and illegal cybernetic implants. Megacorporations run the government from behind the scenes, fighting proxy wars across the globe. In this world, it’s either frag or be fragged.

The high-ranking brass of Cyber Dystopia PD have just recruited you for their experimental super-cop program. You’ve got to make a decision—keep your weak, fleshy body or become a highly-advanced cyborg, built to fight cyber crime and lay down the law.

Would you become a cyborg if you could? If so, what kind of cybernetic enhancements would you get on your cyborg body? If not, why stay in your inferior human meat body?

1337Decker 2000

Mr. Decker,

I’m not much for cyborg anything, so I’d probably choose just to stay in my flesh and bone body. I remember a movie some time ago where a dude does become a robo-cop, and I don’t think it went too well for him or his family.

The world you describe doesn’t really sound like a place I’d like to live, so I’d probably quit and move some place nicer. There’s not enough water here to support the population we have, let alone a “Megacity.” I’m not sure what a cyber drug would be, but I imagine something equally as nasty or worse than heroin, ecstasy, meth or cocaine. I’m very sure I wouldn’t want my family anywhere near anything as bad or worse than that current poison.

I researched these implants, and they actually sound kind of cool. My mom lived many years because of an old-fashioned cyber pacemaker. She might’ve lived forever with one of the future ones. But I don’t want to live forever. At a certain point, I think it’s time to see what comes next. If the populace wants to cyber implant themselves, go for it, but no cyber add-ons for me.

Are these mega-corporations that run the government here in SLC? If so, that means there’s probably lots of jobs here, and something like a mega-corporation probably pays well. And you said they’re running the government, so cops are really working for the well paying mega-corportations, which means they’re well paid, too, right? But, the whole idea of governments being run by mega-corportations, who are fighting “proxy wars” around the world does not sound appealing either. So, again, I’d quit and move.

Wait a second: There’s gangs fueled by drugs, with ominous weapons to boot, and corporations with so much money and a huge, insatiable need to make more money—so insatiable that they influence governmental decisions, which results in wars being fought around the world, for the corporation’s interests … WOW. Add in a predominant religion, which forces its values on even those who don’t believe, and your futuristic scenario above describes Salt Lake City today.

Thanks, Decker—you just helped me decide to quit and move out of this hypothetical hellhole to someplace nicer.

–Cop

Have a question for the Cop? Email him at askacop@slugmag.com.