Dear Cop,
I want this settled once and for all.
Someone comes to the person in charge of SLPD with a choice. Through some miracle of science, there is a way to get rid of everyone in the city that is straight edge or every single Juggalo. There’s no resistance, no struggle, they’re just gone with no explanation and you never have to worry about them again. The numbers stay the same of whichever group remains, but one morning when you wake up, there will be either no more straight edgers or no more Juggalos. Which one goes away and why?
–Trevor Hale, Concerned Citizen


Concerned Citizen Trevor,

I’m gonna make a guess that you have some sort of personal issue (not favorable) with straight edgers and juggalos.

I’ll tell you “straight” out that law enforcement’s concern about these two groups is pretty much at the bottom of the totem pole. Law enforcement concerns itself with groups who violently prey on the weaker or singled-out minority members of society. They’re commonly referred to as gangs or, on a worldwide scale, terrorists.

It’s very difficult to classify straight edgers or juggalos as gang members. Most of their members associate with one another for a cause or movement. I’ll grant you that there are those sXe or hatcheteers who collaborate in order to instill fear or facilitate violent criminal acts, but, in the grand scheme, they are few.

In Utah, you’re going to see much more law enforcement effort at dismantling Sureño, Norteño, Asian, Poly, Mexican DTO or OMG gangs. Those are the organizations who openly admit that they exist to commit crimes, deal drug misery or terrorize weaker members of society.
But, if you’re going to make me choose, the only choice is juggalos. Why? Well it’s obvious—granted, I’ve only dealt with the criminal juggalos, but they are some of the most god-awful smelling people I have ever encountered. It wouldn’t surprise me if it’s written into their bylaws that someone must be stinky in order to join.

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