Ask a Cop – January 2010


Dear Pig,
How come cops always treat us skateboarders with such disrespect even when we are courteous and respectful? Is it because we are seen as the lowlifes in the community, having fun all over town at the cost of private business owners’ personal properties? Could it be because you want to rid us of the passion and love for having fun that your fathers happened to drive out of you as a young child, and you figure you must return the favor? Or is it because you have such contempt for our devilish ways that you must prove a point by endangering citizens’ lives with car pursuits over some small infractions to save our souls? I only ask because recently a few of my friends and myself were enjoying a pleasurable time pushing around the city and before we knew it, we were being chased like animals down the street. The climax was the two cops screeching through a red light (sans lights and sirens), almost tagging an unsuspecting vehicle, hopping out and arresting two of my friends.  Is it because you are just flat-out bored and want to spice things up by projecting your superiority complex on supposed lesser beings? Let me know.

Your Highness Delusional Skater –
I hate to destroy your momentary sentiment of grandeur, but cops targeting skaters as criminals?  Sorry, your scene is somewhere in the bottom five of a list of 100 “lowlifes” to fuck with.  I hate to power slide on your views, but skaters ceased being “counter culture” about 30 years ago.  I’d think someone with your vocabulary would know this (Did you really use “sans?”).  You’ll hate to hear this, but an eight-year-old on a RAZR scooter in traffic is a much juicier target for rehabilitation than a mere skateboarder for our passionless, loveless, contemptuous, endangering, chasing, screeching, tagging, hopping, bored and superior selves.

Although, I can see how you place yourself on a pedestal above that which is generally reserved for those who, say, commit auto thefts, armed robberies, drive/walk by shootings, aggravated assaults, etc. ... you know, those felonious crimes which actually allow cops to pursue (when I was 12 I placed myself on the same pedestal).  You’re right, I can’t think of anything more heinous than you riding a rail at some business, falling and then mommy and daddy suing them for not having installed proper padding or posting a “No Skating” sign.  Yep, the last crime suppression operation I worked specifically targeted skaters at businesses who could fall and hurt their bum, much to mom and dad’s dismay.  “EXTRA, READ ALL ABOUT IT! Salt Lake City Police announces the formation of a ‘Skater Squad’ to deal with nefarious skateboarding enthusiasts.  They’re  staffing it with those who previously worked gangs, murder, sex offender, property and terrorist-type crimes, because the world will end without us dealing with those goddamn skaters, RIGHT NOW!”

I’m curious why two of your friends getting arrested for some crime brings you to a “climax”?  Years ago, I skated a lot, but you new breed are strange and into weird shit.
You describe yourself and other skaters as respectful, courteous, lowlifes, devilish, pleasurable, animals and lesser beings.  That seems a tad schizophrenic to me and somewhat explains your rant.