Dear Dickheads

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Illustration: Robin Banks

Dear Dickheads,
I have heard various complaints on how there is not enough touring “Gothic” or “Industrial” music acts, and I find myself wondering if these hermits live under a rock. In the last two months, I have gone to three shows, all of which have had a turn out, of around 30 people or less. I have seen people promoting and the ads in the local magazines, so I know it is not due to lack of awareness. I do realize that some of them had to clean under their couch cushions to get change for their tickets to see his “Highness” Peter Murphy but these other acts are usually under 15 bucks

It is quite possible that some of these people do not know these acts because they are programmed to the same thirty tracks they have heard every time they have gone out to the club(it is almost predictable which song will be played next) for their weekend ritual of alcohol, exercise and debauchery. I believe that they just need to open their minds, or need to hear something new, as music evolves at a very quick pace these days. Look, I understand that everyone enjoys the classics by Sisters of Mercy, Skinny Puppy, and Siouxie and the Banshees, and people can be a “creatures of habit” but people are missing out on the new gothic and industrial sound of music that is out there now. The oldies are being played, over and over, with rare opportunity for the fresh new track. It does not take a rocket scientist to understand that a “scene” with no progression ages and dies. –Life Support

Dear Laugh Support,
I don’t know if you know this … but goth is actually (gasp!) the COOL thing right now! The 20-something hipsters have been all over this shit—the TRVST show packed Urban, and industrial robot/man Author & Punisher made a full-house crowd his BITCH at Bar Deluxe earlier this year. Where were YOU? Here’s a tip: Stop hanging out in your dungeons reading Lautréamont, get crunk at Twilight, put on your rubber leggings and get way down with dry humping. THEN you’ll be a real goth and know what’s up.
XOXO, SLUG

Dear dickheads, I was in slc today and wanted to get a july issue if slug. But alas and alak, it be august. Anyway  can I convince someone there to send me a july issue, you know the one you have laying on top of the pile over in the corner? Prettttty please, and I thank u in advance. Let me know what I need to make this dream come true. Thank u, elise wilding.

Dear Elise Swilling,
Are you sure you forgot to pick up the July issue—the Beer Issue? Judging by your pirate grammar, you hit the beer trail a little too hard. Did you try every beer and brewery we reviewed, wake up in August and then drunk-text us because you lost your copy of SLUG? Sorry we took so long to respond, but we figured we should let you dry out a little before sending you something you’d just lose again. In the future, either get a subscription in the merch section of our website, read the archived issue online or seek treatment for your drinking problem so this doesn’t happen again.
XOXO, SLUG

FAX, SNAIL MAIL OR EMAIL US YOUR LETTERS!
Fax: 801.487.1359
Mailing Address:
Dear Dickheads c/o SLUG Mag
351 Pierpont Ave. Ste. 4B
SLC, UT 84101
or dickheads@slugmag.com

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