Dear Dickheads

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Illustration: Robin Banks

Hey there officer,
Not everyone is an uninformed smoker. You seem to be a very uninformed and disassociated so I figured I would do the 15 minutes of google research you opted out of. I’m going to go ahead and cover as many points as possible before my high wears off. Let’s start with no one goes to prison for life for simple possession. Yes that is true buts it’s only a convenient statement. Why don’t you tell me why America has 1/20 of the worlds population yet houses 1/4 of the worlds prison population? Could it be from failed drug laws and letting billionaire DuPont pedophiles off with probation. How about this fun fact from the latest pew poll America is more distrusting of government and law enforcement officials than it has been in any other time in American history. Some people blame it on archaic based “facts” on drugs like marijuana. You said “you will not find one medical doctor who says that smoking weed has any medical value” and you are correct but also another loaded comment yes smoking it has harmful effects but thc and cbd’s found only in marijuana have multiple and vast medical benefits. Lots of doctors agree that thc and cbds’s combined in marijuana have shown to stop and counteract tumors associated with multiple cancers.  Like these doctors right here in the country you were sworn to protect now when you read this make sure to read the whole thing. I know you didn’t when you read about the 1 joint to 20 cigarettes article. Because if you had you would have read that yes it was more harmful to lungs but when it came to emphysema what causes cancer and is a degenerative lung disease only 1.3 percent of pot only smokers contracted emphysema. Where 16.3 percent of tobacco only smokers contracted and 18.1 of pot and tobacco smokers. That’s also only talking about smoking it. Let’s talk about what our state did recently. Our Gov.  just signed into law that children and adults with certain diseases will be able to legally get a recommendation for tinctures high in cbd’s which is a by product of cannabis. This is your state saying marijuana has a medical value in a specific form. Also you “don’t know if it’s worse than alcohol”, just take it from your president because had you read a newspaper in the last two months you would have seen two consecutive instances where president Obama flat out said alcohol is worse than marijuana. I guess it’s just too easy for you too sit up in your high horse to ever think about actually helping the public you are sworn to protect. But I’m going to leave you with this great statistic. Americas crime rates have been steadily on the decline but the fastest dropping are the states that have legalized cannabis. Lower violent crimes, lower domestic crimes and lower dui’s associated with alcohol. You can verify all this with a simple google search.

 

Have fun in your fantasy land filled with ignorance. Soon enough my generation will vote archaic relics associated with your ignorant views out of office and we can get back to the American dream your generation destroyed for us.
Sincerely
Avid pot smoker

 

Dear Captain Hacky Sack,
 
1. Get a job. 2. Move out of your mom’s house. 3. You make me wanna be straight edge. 4. Stop listening to Phish. 5. There is no future.
 
xoxo,
SLUG Mag
Dear Dickheads,
An appropriate name for you considering the way you responded to xRiotgrrrlx93’s letter about the douchebags that are harassing women down at UVU. Your solution: don’t go to college. How is that a solution to boys being jerks and people following them and emulating them as if they were the best things that have ever happened? These boys are harassing and violating women and your best response is that it doesn’t matter because people don’t understand terms like “cis” and “psychic space”? Maybe the appropriate solution would be to encourage women to go to college and encourage boys to sign up for Gender Studies so they can learn what these terms mean and be made aware of how they are acting like complete Dickheads.
#iwenttocollegetoo
Sincerely,
Cheering for Riotgrrrl

Dear Cheering for Riotgrrrl, 

Although you claim to have gone to college, you still need to work on your reading comprehension. Last month, we agreed with xRiotgrrrlx93@aol.com, that those UVU creeps have taken douchebaggery to a whole new level.  Sounds like someone just wants to be the new Riotgrrl of the month. You win.

xoxo,
SLUG
 
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Fax: 801.487.1359 • Mailing Address: Dear Dickheads c/o SLUG Mag • 351 Pierpont Ave. Ste. 4B SLC, UT 84101 or dickheads@slugmag.com