Dear Dickheads

Dear Dickheads,
Before I start whining and bitching like all the other tossers that have nothing better to do than waste their time writing to your dumbasses, I gotta say, I really like most of what you guys do. The mag is great. Salt Lake is lucky to have such a cool publication. And I especially love the beer reviews and the beer issue.

The stick I have up my ass today comes from the fucking budweiser ads on the back cover of the mag. To me, this seems totally hypocritical of everything else you try to convey. Be individual, buy local, drink craft, and fuck corporate. Anheuser busch is none of these things. I mean sure, there is certainly something to be said about a company that can consistantly brew the same beer all over the world and have it always turn out just like it should. And obviously they are doing something right, because the company is worth billions.

So good for them, I guess. But I don’t read slug because I like shitty beer and nascar. I read it because...well I don’t know why the fuck I waste my time with it, but I do!

Having said that, I understand that you need to have ads so you can pay the bills and keep slug free to the reader. But I think you need to stick to your principles. To me, having some huge corporate company ad in slug is like have a beef jerky ad is a vegan mag. I don’t even know if vegan mags exist. But I’m sure if they do, you fags would read them.

So please, take a minute to educate me. Maybe there is a legit reason you guys have budweiser ads and I’m just too much of a wanna be beer snob to realize it. And if you don’t have a good excuse for being a bunch of sell outs, then just get some short ass, scarve wearing hipster to rip my letter a new asshole and criticize every stupid little thing you can find with it.
Yours truly,
Jake Winters

Dear Jake,
Here’s the deal: a lot of us here at SLUG love locally made craft beer. We know that a lot of our readers love locally made craft beer. However, when those of us who drink want to get REALLY FUCKING DRUNK, we don’t reach for the latest batch of overpriced tangerine/cumin micro-brew—we go for the cheap stuff. It’s great to be able to enjoy a finely crafted beer over a well-prepared meal with people you care about, but when you’re going into full-on shit show mode, there’s no need to be fancy. Things like taste and quality are thrown out the window in favor of frugality and fuck-up-ability. Also, I’m much  more likely to offer a can of Bud to a bro than one of the more expensive beverages I’m hiding in my fridge just in case I need to appear cultured in front of a girl who I somehow convinced to come into my apartment. Plus, I’m kind of a dick and don’t like to share.

In regard to the ads currently gracing the back cover of SLUG, we think they’re pretty rad. And just so you are aware the space is actually being purchase by a local distributing company who happen to have a Budweiser contract for distributing Budweiser beer. The locally distributing company gets to pick where to advertise the product. They’re actual Budweiser ads from the ‘20s or ‘50s or some shit (we didn’t really ask) and have a creepy retro vibe that I enjoy on an ironic level, even though I’m not quite sure what irony is.
And anything is better than Pabst, right?

This Bud’s for you,