Dear Dickheads – December 2007

Dear Dickheads,
Thanks for the lame review on Back After Dawn, I see you taste in music sucks and I feel for your readers. Write us off as whatever you want, I have seen your taste in music reviews, and PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE THE REASON FOR NO CHANGE IN MUSIC, PEOPLE LIKE YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT GOOD MUSIC WHEN IT IS STARTING OUT. Wait till it catches on then talk about it.
Fuck you even trying to be apart of the music scene, what a joke you are. Bet you hate Thursday, Thrice, Radiohead.
We are not part of a scene, hints the name of the cd “Scene Set Fire”, a message to you and people like you in your poser scene, fucking set fire. The only one who wears girl pants in the band is Debbie she is a girl. I bet you don’t even play and instrument, I play multiple ones. Go back home tonight and cry your self to sleep about how you could never be a musician that wasn’t a joke. –Steven

Dear Steven,
Sorry to be the one to break it to you but even after you spent 20 hours writing and rewriting this crappy letter, your band STILL sucks. For those SLUG reader’s that never had a chance to read how much we loathed your CD ... it’s reprinted below. Oh, and one more thing, Thursday, Thrice and Radiohead STILL suck, too. If your influences weren’t so overrated maybe you’d create better music. Crappy musicians like you need more Flipper in their life. XOXO

Back After Dawn
Scene Set Fire EP
ITR Studios
Street: 05.23
Back After Dawn = Hot Topic bullshit at its worst
Oh, just fucking shoot me now. This is some of the most pussified bullshit I’ve ever had the displeasure of hearing, and will undoubtedly be huge in the under-15 mall crowd. Singy-singy, screamy-screamy, pissy-pissy, cleany-cleany…formulaic to the point of making me want to fucking vomit. Scene hair, white belts, chick pants…invoking thoughts of homicide. Garbage. –loveyoudead

Dear Dickheads,
I personally want to say thanks for picking Trebuchet to do the Localized Showcase back in June. That was a really amazing show for me, and all of us. Oh, And I hope you realize how many kids your publication saves from the suburbs. It’s amazing. –James Miska

Dear James,
Thanks so much for that lovely note. It is part of SLUG Mag’s mission statement to save the children from becoming Wal Mart shopping, mini-van driving individuals. Keep up the good fight and help us spread the word. There’s more to life than working a shitty 9-5, living in a house with a white picket fence and becoming a meth-abusing mother of 3.5 children.

Dear Dickheads-
I can’t believe the fucking jerks in this town. We have people protesting the Blue Boutique, The Metropolitan serving Foi Gras and the the supposedly anti-god movie about a kid that can talk to his polar bear (The Golden Compass) ! There is a god damned war going on where people are dying every day and they just sound not be. Children are losing their fathers and mothers and spouses losing spouses needlessly. To top it all off, it’s all the fault of a lying, crooked administration that should be held accountable for all the lies they have told us and the unconstitutional bullshit they have been pulling for almost eight years and this is the bullshit people get worked up enough to protest? You assbags kill me, and I will see some of you at the metropolitan eating some shit I never really wanted to until I heard about your protest...morons. I wish Bush and Cheney were sending dildos and geese to Iraq, maybe you people would get off your asses for something that really matters. –Shannon Barndogg

Shannon, just what are YOU doing to solve the world’s problems besides single-handedly keeping the WWF and Fisher-Price in business?

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