Dear Dickheads – June 2008

Dear Dickheads,
Have you noticed the changes to the SLC streets lately? The state is laying down a supposed "fog and chip" slurry that no longer makes our streets skateboardable. What are we to do, for the streets were one of the last strongholds the skateboarders had and now they are covered with unskateable sludge. Many people believe it's a conspiracy against our kind, of which I do not doubt. Why else would the government cover perfectly smooth roads with the blackest of all black paving material except to cut down on skateboard traffic? Not only do the roads make for sketchy riding, but a fall on the clearly rugged new blacktop assures certain doom for anyone who might dare to try to skate on them. We might as well just post signs all over the city reading "skateboarders not welcome" or have separate drinking fountains for anyone who skateboards. As I sit here on my porch watching them turn the ice-like streets for urethane riders into pedestrian only zones I cant help but wonder what type of super terrorist plot one would need to undertake to make the streets usable for the skaters of tomorrow.
Chauncey Peppertooth

Dear Chauncey Peppertooth,
I love a good conspericy. Mike Brown wrote a whole Zine once (Leviathan Issue #7b) about how he was pretty sure that all the new skate parks popping up were in cahoots with the privatized prison system. But I'm not so sure that the jack offs at the Utah Department of Transportation are sitting in a board room talking about how they can fuck over skateboarders. Our roads suck because of Snowplows, not because you think you're important. And our roads are not the only ones that suck. Ever skate in New Jersey? I didn't think so, because if you have you wouldn't be crying over our ass fault. Besides, I'm a firm believer that skateboarding is about evolution, when they started knobbing ledges and rails we all got better at manuals. So switch your 52's for some 58's, bomb 3rd south, learn how to ollie a fucking pot hole and quit complaining.

Dear Dickheads,
Not bad, I picked up mag and it was like looking at a menu of soso articles. The cheese cake one was dumb... I'm not a fan of that place either but why not do a article on a local restaurant worth reading. As you know we have some great local places to eat that are really good and bad. Also these places support you guys. SLUG is still behind like most things in Utah and me, thats why we see the old guys coming back here, they know the can recycle the past here. I know its a work in progress. I think the articles can be proofed by an college kid instead of junior high kid, but thats me.

Thanks for picking up our mag full of "soso" articles. We'd be lying if we said that we were fawning over your critique of our recent restaurant review, why not write a sentence worth reading next time instead? Could you please suggest one local place to eat that is simultaneously "really good and bad." Such logically inconsistent food would surely be worth writing about! Any suggestions you have on how we could catch up to you and Utah, two large spaces mostly devoid of intelligence, would also be appreciated. Your letter should have been proofed by A college kid, not AN college kid.

You're Welcome,