Dear Dickheads – March 2010

Near the end of January an anonymous reader, known only as “Molly Mo Mo” posted the following in response to Princess Kennedy’s January column, Sober Sisters Pt. I. Check out the second edition of Sober Sisters in this month’s issue on page38.

Dear Dickheads,
Hmmm... 20+ years of cocaine abuse indeed. And you say you have never hurt anyone, paid your bills & always lived up to your obligations? I think you should re-evaluate that—and the “line” of you being honest. I guess promoting cocaine abuse is really so very “punk” of you, but honestly, I know for a fact you have left a path of irresponsibility. And you wonder why people talk? Don’t kid yourself. If there was a powdery line on a mirror back to San Francisco, you’d have your straw out the entire way. And when you got there I am sure your big mouth would be flappin as it seems to do non stop about how “fabulous” you are. We all read this article hoping to see that maybe you cleaned yourself up a bit, before the lines in your face got any deeper, and your gossipy tongue got any fatter. –Molly Mo Mo

Dear Molly Mo Mo,
I think you’ll be happy to know that even the Princess herself realized she came off as a bit of a d-bag in the first installment of Sober Sisters.  Check out this month’s PK column to see for yourself how her 30-day sobriety went.

As far as your other accusations go, I think you may be the one who needs to hold their tongue. Here is the thing about SLUG writers: we don’t get paid. Thus, most of us are extremely egotistical. We enjoy seeing our name in print. That’s one of the reasons this magazine continues to be printed month after month.  There is a reason that there is an old SLUG sticker that claims the magazine is for “People that don’t care about anyone but themselves.” Kennedy is fabulous. We love her when she’s almost falling off the front of the SLUG float in the pride parade, doing hair at Ulysses Salon or converting her face to sticker form. If you were as fabulous as the Princess, you’d have a hard time not talking about it too. Rumor has it she may be organizing an art show dedicated to one thing—herself.

Dear Dickheads,
I have a serious problem with the over whelming presence of these scumbag gypsy kids. When the fuck did it become “cool” to smell like a taxi drivers nut sac after working a double shift in a heat wave. I see these kids at parties pulling up in their Audi’s and their luxury SUV’s getting out looking like a mix between the Indian from The Village People and Charlie Sheen in any 80’s movie, and I mean all the way down to the greasy hair. Is this how kids rebel from their parents during the college years now a days, they stop showering, cutting there hair, or changing their clothes. You know inmates do the same thing in jail, and it has the same effect there it does out here, people just want to spray you with a hose and shank you in the leg with a sharpened toothbrush. My favorite part about seeing these worldly traveling types are their badges of travel. Clearly the feathers they rock in their ear is to symbolize the bird they had to hunt and trap to eat while in the wilderness, the super stretched out neck line of their over priced American Apparel shirt must be from bears and other woodland creatures clawing at them, most likely in an attempt to find where the smell of dead sheep and baby shit is coming from. The super skinny jeans are clearly for a function and not a fashion, life on the road is rough you never know where your next meal is going to come from, oh wait that’s right you gypsy’s just like to look broke and homeless, for the sex appeal. —Joe Jackman

Dear Joe,
Don’t let those dirty gypsy kids get you down. They’re just trying to do something different from the deep v-neck wearing hipsters rocking oversized eyeglasses that they don’t actually need. The gypsy look is just one more rebellious style, in a long line of those that came before it, attempting to shock, challenge and repulse the status quo. In a few years these same kids will hang up their feather earrings, return their turquoise back to their grandmothers and trade in their dirty American Apparel shirts and pants with the crotch ripped out for suits and ties when they decide it’s time to “grow up” and join the system. Either that, or they’ll end up as fat losers at the local watering hole reminiscing about their glory days. At the end of the day, it isn’t actually rebellion. It’s just fucking fashion.
Love Always,
SLUG Magazine