Through Broken Glass and Crushed Throats: The Derby Girls Go At It

Posted May 18, 2009 in

The first battle between the Derby Girls of Salt Lake (Salt City Shakers) and the Ogden’s Junction City Roller Dolls (Junction City Trainwrecks) went off with almost no hitches––if you exclude a deadly fishbowl and a near miss on a throat crushing. WTF? Yes, a derby girl employee was crossing the track at one point and her raffle ticket-filled fishbowl spilled on the track as she slipped and fell on some of the glass. My wish of seeing blood on the derby girl arena floor was finally sated. Not bad for my first time at such an event.

Yes, I was a Derby Girl virgin and got my cherry thoroughly popped as I got the first-hand on this interesting event. I had envisioned slanted floors in an arena surrounded by benches, like the motion pictures about the heyday of the sport back in the 70s, but this was a flat-track event, and a blow-out as well––203-46. The Salt Lake girls showed their spunk as they massacred the poor Junction City broads. So sad for them, but grand for our chapter. This sort of inter-league battle should become more commonplace soon, and hopefully the competition will bring some more fight with them next time. The turnout at this event was another shocking development as well. There were hundreds in attendance watching the furiously flying skaters zoom about the track. Some ladies had stars on their heads, others sported other weird symbols as well, and, as it was described to me, only certain team members could score. And score they did as other team members served as blockers against the rival team’s attempts at getting past the lines in the arena to mark down goals.

In the process, a Junction City girl fell and was skated over, on her neck from what I scoped ringside. As the medical staff came to peruse her injuries all play ceased and the team members from both sides knelt in silence as her situation was stabilized. As she skated away the action resumed, it was all part and parcel with the rules of the game, and “what they signed up for” as a former derby girl related to me upon telling her the events that transpired at the track that night.

And what a game. Thank God for original sports entertainment in this town. When franchises like the Jazz consistently bail, we have some badass ladies in town making sure sport-fan morale stays high during the NBA playoffs.

If you haven’t ever seen these amazing athletes perform, go check out the controlled craziness and snag a brew. And make sure you pick up a program: the rules are printed in there and will save you the hour of confusion I suffered with my head up my Derby Girl virgin ass.