Skate Park Etiquette: I Hate Skate

Wow, this month’s etiquette has me all fuckered up, and I’m not quite sure which side of the line I’m about to draw I stand on. See, this month’s park etiquette is on playing SKATE at the park and it’s kind of an oxymoron to tell you young bucks not to do it, since it is, in fact, called a skate park. The thing is, I am pretty sure when they design a skate park they don’t have you and all your talent-less friends playing in a circle in mind. It does, however, seem that when they build parks there is an overall flow to the course and design and this flow can only be interrupted by two things: either me eating shit or somebody getting in my way. If it happens to be the latter, you better hope it’s not you and your knucklehead buddies fucking playing SKATE or there is going to be hell to pay. The only thing I like more in life than focusing somebody else’s board is focusing a bunch of boards at once.

I know practice makes perfect and that is what playing SKATE is all about, right? Maybe it’s not though, and it’s just another jockular-ass way for you to prove to your friends that you are once and for all better than they could ever be. Since games of SKATE are going to be played at every park across the nation this summer, I want to be the first person to try and get this shit organized on a national level. No, I’m not talking about the tournament style competition that you probably witnessed on, which in fact, I did think was cool because it was for ten grand and it involved people who are actually good at riding a board. You, on the other hand, can’t even get a shop sponsor or afford more than one item off the value menu at Wendy’s. I want to get this shit organized by going town to town and having people fill out petitions and going to town meetings and fighting for the right to have SKATE parks built everywhere.

I’m talking about parks that are designed specifically for games of SKATE. It shouldn’t take much convincing since all you really want is a flat slab of smooth cement. Shit, who cares about getting a great bowl or street course in their area when you could have something that looks like a quarter of a tennis court with water dispensers and everything? See how stupid all this sounds? Well, that’s exactly how stupid it is to go to the skate park and play SKATE and not even touch any of the other obstacles or features or whatever the fuck you want to call them. When was the last time you saw a game of SKATE go down on the quarter pipe or in the deep end of the bowl? Seems to me you should be less concerned about your switch heels and more concerned with dropping in on something steep. This is, once again, just my bullshit opinion though-until next month. Kill Yo’ Self!!!