Ask a Cop – October 2009

Ask a Cop – October 2009
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You see, 95 percent of the incidents cops handle are with five percent of the population. We know you by name, attitude, family, teeth or lack of, which specific trailer park you’re from, everything. Why? Because 95 percent of the time we’re dealing with you! … read more

Ask a Cop – November 2009

Ask a Cop – November 2009
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A friend of mine is on the force and takes a lot of pride in his job (I hope you don’t mind me leaving out his job title). We got to talking about what he does as part of his duties and how it differs from other officers, which led to the discussion of there being a pecking order beyond rank, and how the two lowest jobs in the city for police are TRAX Officer and Prison Guard. … read more

Ask a Cop – January 2010

Ask a Cop – January 2010
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Dear Pig,
How come cops always treat us skateboarders with such disrespect even when we are courteous and respectful? Is it because we are seen as the lowlifes in the community, having fun all over town at the cost of private business owners’ personal properties? … read more

Ask a Cop – March 2010

Ask a Cop – March 2010

While perusing the Salt Lake City Police Department’s website, I stumbled upon a very interesting section: Tips for Cash. I understand the motive behind offering a reward for information about these most serious crimes, but why is there not a way to report less serious, but far more common crimes? … read more

Ask a Cop – April 2010

Ask a Cop – April 2010
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Dear Cop,
Can I get  DUI while riding a bicycle? Also, can I legally ride my bike on the sidewalk in downtown Salt Lake City? How about the rest of the city, can I ride on the sidewalk there, too? And does that vary from city to city in Utah? Isn’t it bullshit that I’m being safe and not driving a car while drunk and still “The Man” finds a way to fuck with me? … read more

Ask a Cop – May 2010

Ask a Cop – May 2010
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Dearest Officer,
I am a lover of the fast life—mostly driving fast. I have heard rumors that if a cop is sitting with all of his lights off and then pulls you over the ticket will be dismissed. I heard that it is true in Oregon and California. I realize that people talk and this is most likely not the case, but screw it—what does it hurt to ask? Aside from slowing down, is there anything possible to do out here in the Salty state to reduce tickets to a lower fine or even less of an offence? … read more

Ask a Cop – June 2010

Ask a Cop – June 2010
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Dear Cop,
The other day, I saw a Highway patrolman getting into his brand new all-black Dodge Charger, complete with tint and rims. I thought to myself, “Why would a cop car ever need rims?” but then I thought about a much bigger issue. Why do we even have cops driving around in Dodge Chargers in the first place? … read more

Ask a Cop – July 2010

Ask a Cop – July 2010
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I was recently reading an article about an animal rights group that was suing the police department for shutting down a legal protest. When cops shut these protests down, they claim that they are using tax-payer-funded authority. Regardless of your stance on animal rights activists (or any activists really) ,doesn’t it seem a little fucked up that the police department is wasting taxpayer money when they are dumb enough to violate First Amendment rights? … read more

Mike Brown Asks a Cop

Mike Brown Asks a Cop
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Dear Cop,
Please allow me to pick your brain. The other night while leaving the tittie bar, a cop in an undercover car lights me up and pulls me over. Along with crumpling up dollar bills and heaving them at half-naked cokeheads, I had a drink at the nudey club, as most gentlemen do… … read more

A Cop Asks Mike Brown

A Cop Asks Mike Brown
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Dear Mike,
Your columns are witty to an extreme.  They’re informative, funny, and, believe it or not, they actually provide some valuable information. Your followers, be they Juggalos, skaters, punkers, stoners, whatever—they don’t like cops. I really want to get to the nitty gritty of WHAT they don’t like, and I’d like you to ask them. … read more