Consafos (courtesy of myspace.com/consafos)
I was having one of those days where I felt like hurting myself for no reason. I was irritable, lonely and in need of violence, whether emotional or psychological. Not that I’m usually violent or anything, but it happens, you know? Therefore, a night of mellow and/or cute bands at Kilby Court was the last thing I wanted to do, but I had agreed to review the show and I wasn’t gonna wuss out.
Since I couldn’t talk any of my sensible friends into going with me, I walked the mile and a half from my apartment alone, stopping along the way to pick up some Willie Wonka products (I quit smoking seven weeks ago) and some gum. Besides the usual vagrancy annoyances along the way ("Hey brother, can you spare some change?"), the walk was lovely and Spring-like. I started to feel calmer and ready to get un-rockin’ with my good self.
I arrived at Kilby and was amazed at the turnout. At least a hundred kids. Damn. And the show hadn’t even started yet. "Maybe this’ll totally rule," I thought. I sidled up to the cement wall stage right for Consafos, the opener. I put a big wad of Bubble Tape in and readied myself for some lo-fi goodness. The band, in true indie rock form, mumbled inaudibly their band name and whispered their thanks for all that had turned up. Then they proceeded to suck worse than anything I’d seen in awhile. How do I describe it? Let’s just say that if you can’t find anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. I will say…boring, boring, BORING. NEXT!!!
The next band, Bella Lea, started out ok, but then they decided to suck just like the first band. It must’ve been in the air. I started to feel like I was in church—my eyes were getting heavy and my feet were hurting. And the kids just stood there with arms folded, ready to sing "I Am A Child Of God" or something. One song sounded like Julee Cruise and I thought that maybe something good would happen, then it didn’t. Fucking boring. They should bring in pews for this kind of tripe.
The headliner, The Good Life, at least had some heart. The singer boy could scream and make it sound like crying. And the songs, although slow and mostly plodding like the first two bands, had melody and a pulse—even an occasional drumbeat that made my feet want to tap. I can’t say that I was blown away or anything, but after Consafos and Bella Lea, it at least didn’t suck. There were even boys in brown thrift store sweaters dancing a little bit, an occasional head nod and I smiled more than once. But it couldn’t quite kill my sense that I had just sat through an extra-long Sacrament Meeting. Without any Cheerios even.
Overall, it was so boring that writing this review was boring and now I’m done. Kilby Court still rules, though. Always. And, god willing, I’ll see better bands next time I go there. And bless the muses, that they may strike down the shitty bands in earnest. In the name of Jesucristo, amen.