SnoCore Tour: February 1996

This review could also be entitled why Skunk Records is permanently on my shit list. I actually arrived at this show on time, the first time in my life I’ve gotten to a concert in time to see the first band. My tickets should have been at the window of the Horticulture building but when I got there and flashed my picture ID there were no tickets to be found. “Okay, maybe it’s just a little mistake. I’m willing to be forgiving at this point.”

Some kid behind me pointed out a Skunk Records rep and I quickly asked her where my tickets were and what she was going to do about it. I had to talk quickly because as soon as I approached her she started walking away with that “I’ve got way more important things to do than talk to you lowly CD buying public” look on her face. She said she had to go to her car real quick, where I’m sure it was warm. Then she had to run inside real quick, where it was warm. Then she came outside, she looked right past me and went to this damn Winnebago where it was warm. All the while I optimistically waited in the parking lot smoking cigarettes in a desperate attempt to stay warm. It doesn’t work. 

Get this! I called the guy at Skunk Records the day before the show and he said I had tickets “no problem.” “Go have a nice time,” he said. “Write nice things about our band Sublime.” Sublime was the reason I wanted to go to this show in the first place. I like Sublime. But as I stood outside the venue freezing my ass off I heard some kids say, “Lets leave after GutterMouth, because Sublime sucks in concert.” Since I didn’t get to see sublime I have to assume they’re right.

I heard the first band from outside the venue where I stood for 45 minutes in the freezing cold waiting for Ms. Skunk Records rep to get her shit together. They sounded pretty good, I don’t know who they were. I probably would have enjoyed their set if I had been inside instead of outside freezing my ass off. 

While standing outside I got to observe lots of interesting Salt Lake City youths doing what they do best. I saw a couple of boys nowhere close to the legal drinking age chugging down 40-ounces before entering the building where it was warm. I saw children of each gender with multi-colored hair trying to outdo one another with clever T-shirts. The best T-shirt I saw said “Dork.” I liked that. I want to get myself a “Dork” shirt. The worst T-shirt was one of those stupid “No Fear” shirts that I hate so much. But hey, this is Utah where freedom of expression is wholeheartedly encouraged. So after standing outside for 45 minutes my nose was running and I couldn’t feel my toes. I realized I had just gotten the big blow-off by Ms. Skunk. I hoped she enjoyed the warm Winnebago and the warm fuzzy crank she snorted. 

I left the State Fair Park completely pissed off and close to hyperthermia. The rest of the evening was spent in an apartment overlooking I-215, drinking beer, eating pizza and complaining bitterly about the music industry and the assholes who think they can just leave you standing outside while they do their “very important jobs.” Hey, fuck you! Did I mention I was really, really cold? Other than that the show was great. 

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