7″ Records

After the verbal beating I took from the pen of the Youth Brigade, I considered never writing again. I hope some of you saw them when they were in town. There is another stack of vinyl to consider. All this month has in store is of the seven-inch variety. To the Youth Brigade: As much as I did when I fucked your record up so badly, I’ve sat here for hours only getting up and down to change records. I do so because I happen to love records. Here at SLUG Magazine, all the writers have a box. The only thing that ever appears in my box is records. Press materials are usually not included. I get blue, purple, green, orange, red or black slices of life. From that I am expected to attract readership by my asshole comments. Vinyl is not a CD. Everything else in this rag is CD-related. Write hate mail, call me a complete fool… I don’t care, because the publisher currently running this rag gives me all the vinyl. When I decide to sell the musical artifacts of all you “alternative” heroes then I guess I can cash in.

Frenzal Rhomb
”dugagugabowbow,” “No Thought,” “4 Liners,” “Cones”
Fat Wreck Chords

Power pop punk (do you hate that description by now?) from Fat Wreck Chords and it is very good. “Well I think you’re really nice, but I couldn’t bring myself to fuck you.” Pictured on the back is a nude female vomiting. How could I not like it with those lyrics and that picture? Sure, it’s fast and sure, it’s punk but what a way with a tune. If they slowed down a touch, Frenzal Rhomb would pass themselves off as a new wave band and all the radio stations would love them. “dugadugabowbow” is my choice for the hit except the bad word bans it. So, I’ll take “Cones” which begins as acoustic folk before they plug in and go pop punk. A highly impressive record.

Major Matt Mason
“The Lobster Song” / “Mr. Mrs. Something”
Olive Juice

What in the hell have we here? “The Lobster Song” is Major Matt Mason and his guitar playing, comparing love to a lobster in a cup of butter and milking it like a pig. The man completes the piece with a child singing and an answering machine message. The flip is even weirder. “Hey what ya doin’ when you’re done?” Once again Major Matt accompanies his ruminations with a guitar. It has to be a vanity recording. Kind of like Elvis making a birthday present for his mother. “If it weren’t for my bitching you’d have nothing to sing about /  Like missing the distance between us.” I love it, Major Matt.

Hamlet Idiot
“Don’t Let Them” / “Hypnotized”
Chunk Records

This Chunk label knows what is up. Some labels define themselves with a sound. Chunk defines itself with a catalog of listening music. Hamlet Idiot fits the definition. “Don’t Let Them” is almost rock music. Since the song moves along in fits of noisy instruments defined by inability to stick with one rhythm or chord progression and the singer is either in your face or buried, Hamlet Idiot draws the “experimental” tag. “Hypnotized” is more cohesive. I’d say there were some fall fans participating.

Steel Pole Bath Tub
“Tragedy Ecstasy Doom and So On”
Genius Records

A gatefold double .45 of trademark noise from the Bathtub. Since this band has been around for a few years and they’ve had some experience in the studio their record comes off more professional than many of the demos. “I Want It Now” is the instant gratification anthem of a temper tantrum. Play it for a three-year-old while they lay on the floor flailing the air with fists and feet. “Alice” is drone-noise. For a trio they can sure fill the room with sound. Flip the plastic over to hear the door opening again and the boys are still jamming away as a tape loop of Dr. Michael Watt (is the good doctor Mike Watt?) runs down their list of pharmaceuticals. No street drugs for the insane.

Like Hell
“Happy Seeds” / “On Top Of The World”
Spanish Fly Records

Now here is a band that takes that “La, la, la, na, na,” shit and does something with it. “Happy Seeds” is nursery rhyme chanting backed by heavy “On Top Of The World” steals from early Pink Floyd and Black Sabbath. Any band that can do that and pull it off gained my respect. Good record.

Home 33
“Paintover” / “Robot & Toy”
Another Planet Records

Incredibly enough, a press release came with the record. That is a rare occurrence with these seven incher’s, just ask Youth Brigade. Their music has a strong old school vibe but mixes Alan Black’s grindcore-style guitar playing with Rob Rodrigues’ tight yet odd time drumming with James Marshall’s hardcore style bass to create the innovative Home 33 style.” Both sides sound like bone-crunching metal to ears. The question has to be, “when is someone going to open that old church on 3rd West up again so we can see some of this stuff live?”

La Gritona
“Frank White” / “Squirrel,” “Deny Everything”
Chainsaw Safety Records

Since we’re on the subject, here is another heavy band. Nice artwork on the record itself. Shit stall graffiti. The start side has a man with a gun in his mouth. The finish has a crude drawing of the female figure, complete with pubic hair and a crack, holding a big knife in her hand. Pedestrian tempos, excepting the drummer, until they reach the Circle Jerks cover.

Only Living Witness
”Freaklaw” / “Some Will Never Know”
Chainsaw Safety Records

What’s this? The record came with glossy lyric sheets. Plenty of band photos and old flyers were scanned in the print out. This band is better than 99% of the shit major labels are currently releasing. Sure, it falls into the narrow definition of thrash metal, but God damn does Only Living Witness do it good! Fucking great single.

Lustre
“The Perfect Cigar” / “Sexy Yard Raker”
Cargo / Headhunter

Oops. This record probably fell into the wrong hands. First off — Cargo / Headhunter’s current publicist is a little dick. I spent years building a relationship with the label only to find that due to a new hire and the sale of this rag, I didn’t exist anymore. Next up is the press release from A&M. So Lustre is a major label band releasing vinyl on an indie label. Once again, I spent years building a relationship with the PGD group only to find that a new hire and some serious asskissing by local “chain” record stores eliminated me from their mailing lists. Fuck, I can’t even get a ticket to their shows. How soon they forget who made them what they are while the “mall clerks” pushed Bon Jovi. Well, guess what? I won’t trash the record due to pent up rage at both record labels involved. The band doesn’t have anything to do with my personal feuds. You won’t find the single in a “chain” store anyways. They still suck. I can’t wait to hear this shot on “alternative” radio when the CD comes out on A&M in April. Slick production, the very archetype of the college boy sound and the least interesting record of the stack. Have you lost it Cargo, or was the money too good to pass up?

Skeleton Key
“In My Mind,” “Human Pincushion,” “Watch The Fat Man Swing”
Dedication

Here’s another record that came with a press release. I swear I read this exact same press release about a different band from New York City. Out here in the west we don’t cotton much to the big city. Skeleton Key has a big sound. A big, fat, commercial, funk-influenced sound. More Glossy production, more funk metal and a band attempting to follow in the non-platinum sales success of say Dag or xxx. I’m thinking Stone Gossard out to pick up on the band and release their shit on his xxx label. Don’t get me wrong. The record is excellent, it’s simply not my style.

Bouncing Souls
“The Ballad of Johnny X” / “Here We Go,” “Headlights… Ditch!”
Better Youth Organization, Chunksaah Records

So, after listening to the previous stack I found the Bouncing Souls at the bottom. Thinkin’ that some extra energy was required before slapping the vinyl on the turntable, I snorted a gram of West Valley City crank. Gnawing furiously at my lip and smoking five cigarettes in the three minutes both sides of this record lasted I found the band to be a throwback to the past. They play so fast that moshing is impossible. Stage diving at a Bouncing Souls show would involve changing into a bit-mapped icon and moving way beyond the speed of sound. Place this one in the “good” stack.

The Velmas / Velour Motel
“June,” Bel-Air” / “No Me,” “Big Tv”
Throwrug Records

It’s now time to dig into the big shopping bag. There are press releases included so watch for some informed info on a few bands. This record is a split EP between The Velmas and Velour Motel as near as I can comprehend it. I’m well into the third six-pack of 3.2, by the time the “records” stop spinning I’ll have downed a case. The male / female interplay of The Velmas is nice to hear. The inclusion of fiddle as an instrument catches my attention. Both Velmas songs fall into the bottomless pit now known as indie rock obscurity. One the flip the male singer starts with the wrap-da-bob-da-doo-wap and that is a big mistake for my ears. Their TV songs interest me. Here are the lyrics that capture my full attention. “Listening to the radio / Listening to some asshole / Listening to you makes no difference / In this life of indifference.”

Backwater
“Supercool” / “Phew”
ché

Out of the great impoverished nation known as Great Britain comes Backwater. The A-side has some commentary on a couple of suspects. Is “Supercool” about a boy or is it about their competitors on the English rock scene? The flip clears things up because the girl takes the mic and begins to expound on God and a big hard stem. Pretty cool that one, don’t ya think mate?

The Sorry Dogs
“Don’t Let ’Em Brainwash You” / “Self Pity Song”
Affinity Records

“Don’t Let ’Em Brainwash You” is pretty much your abrasive high speed rock. “Self Pity Song” is a work of pop craftsmanship. Sure, it’s guitar rock and it’s fast, but would it sound nice coming from the radio speakers? The Sorry Dogs are from San Diego. Now that Rocket from The Crypt is getting more attention, maybe big record labels will descend on the city to find someone else, The Sorry Dogs should be it.

Crankcase
“Capitol Hill Murder Suicide Pact” / “Riverbed,” and “Glass Rods” / “Tech”
Static Records

Crankcase sent two little records. “Capitol Hill Murder Suicide Pact” is their debut. The insert shows their array of guitars and effects pedals. They do know how to use them. The first single is slower with plenty of chiming guitars. “Riverbed” ends with feedback and noise that the boys creatively pressed into the record in such a manner as to cause needle sticks and repetition into infinity. Both tunes verge on folk rock except all that guitar noise interferes. The first single is from 1994, the second was released in 1995. The second single shows a drastic change. They’re still interested in their toys, but now they add effects to the vocals and they’ve become far heavier. That’s “Glass Rods.” “Tech” eliminated the vocal effects while keeping the darkness. It made me think of Bloodrock. When I’m finished with these records I’m going in search of Crankcase.

Larry Birrds
“Rushville,” “Clarisse”/  “Concord,” “Fantastic Day”
Rhetoric Records

Your basic everyday punk rock from Dayton, Ohio. They made a great sleeve to hold their record and they play some mighty fine fast paced music. They don’t like parking lots, factories or department stores. They do like trees, grass, rain, leaves and flowers. These punks are happy.

Mulligan Stu
“Trailer Park Queen,” “Couple Skate,” “Ugly”
Rhetoric Records

Here are some all American boys. In their first song they fall in love with a female racetrack mechanic and in the second they are at the roller rink “couple skating.” “Couple Skate” has impressive guitar solos approaching rockabilly. On the flip they are a little angry at someone. Probably the guy who tried to steal their girl at the roller rink. Punk rock isn’t dead yet as these two records from Rhetoric prove. Pop punk all the way, but played extremely well. Mulligan Stu is my favorite because of their subject matter.

Diesel Boy
Strap On Seven Inch
Fat Wreck Chords

What is going on? This is the second record from Fat Wreck Chords that I’ve enjoyed. Actually every punk rock record this month sounds good. Amazingly enough the Oi! chants in “Damaged” even sound good. “Punk Rock 101” is an anthem. The best part of “Tragedy” is the drumming and “Titty Twister” has the best lyrics. When in search of tunes for the punk rock jukebox don’t pass Diesel Boy by.

Flapsdown
“Slickfast” / “Overload”
Tim/Kerr Records

Why does this remind me of a night in a local bar. The sound on the 45 is huge. The singer is powerful, the guitars are swirling and it has hits written all over it—both sides. Turn on the radio to find it sandwiched between Seven Mary Three, the Deftones and Spacehog. Is this the band to break Tim/Kerr out of record label obscurity? Probably not because the label can’t afford to pay college kids to request songs. Start calling your favorite “alternative” station and request Flapsdown.

Kill Culture
“The Hate” / “Bad Cop No Donut”
Inertia Records

Coming to us straight from Los Angeles is the future of punk rock. Just read the press release. “The Hate” is becoming a punk rock staple on campuses across the country. The style is hardcore. The topic is the usual. The players include Louie Katorz and Barry Beri of The Mephisto Waltz. The chorus is “everyone’s the enemy.” The flipside is my favorite of the two. The chorus to this one is “bad cop no donut.” If only it were true. Back to “The Hate.” The press release is true. The song is a hardcore anthem just begging for a sing-a-long in the pit. There should be a full-length out from Kill Culture soon. After that watch for them to appear in the nearest all-ages venue. If the album is as good as the single, Kill Culture will “rise above.”

Smart Brown Handbag
“Sabrina,” “Miles Away” / “New Friend,” “Cocaine & Cigarettes”
Stonegarden Records

A more realistic candidate for stardom is Smart Brown Handbag. Reviews are included on the cardboard jacket: “One of the freshest, most natural and relaxed exercises in pure pop I’ve heard in years,” says Magnet. The blurb doesn’t tell the complete story. The pure pop is as dreary as a gray day. Smart Brown Handbag sounds more like teary eyed boys from an English manor than a group from sunny Southern California. The record is pretty enough, far too pretty for my ears. I’ll pass.

Pansy Division
“Valentine’s Day” / “He Could Be The One,” “Pretty Boy (What’s Your Name)”
Lookout Records

This record should have been in last month’s issue. The A-side describes in sarcastic fashion another Valentine’s Day spent alone – that means no boy to play with. Also included is a skit on the subject of homosexuality that the Utah State Legislature and the local Eagle Forum needs to listen to. A mother wants to know why her son can’t change his heterosexual lifestyle and “become” homosexual. On the flip are two covers. Josie Cotton and Depeche “Fucking” Mode get the Pansy treatment: “All the boys together in one bed / Circle jerk, circle jerk.”

Slap Of Reality
“14 Durrell,” “Drowned Out” / “Anywhere”
Skene! Records

Slap Of Reality sounds too much like a local Utah band to catch my attention. Quick tempoed, fucked up rhythms, a singer with a growl and a howl college rock like they play on the radio.

Everready
“Walk” / “Punk Is For Sale”
Skene! Records

Everready are more like it. Two punk rock I anthems on one single! Wow! The bass break holding “Punk Is For Sale” together is downright ska-like. They’ll be skanking in the pit.

Lifter Puller
“Slips Backwards” / “Nassau Coliseum”
Skene! Records

Rounding out the Skene! The team is Lifter Puller. Their style is indie rock. “Nassau Coliseum” is not my favorite song of the month. It drones on for far too long. The A-side, “Slips Backwards,” is preferable due to its velocity.

Read more from the SLUG archives:
7 Year Bitch
The Afghan Whigs