B-Movie Reviews: September 1994

Critters
Stephen Herek

Released 1986

A Gremlin-esque horror movie that came out during the cute yet evil little monster era (Ghoulies, Munchies, etc.) features escaped convicts from space (called “Krites”) who head to Kansas for a good time. The Critters have huge appetites and roll like tumbleweeds. They’ve got poison quills like porcupines and they like to hurt people. After attacking a farmhouse in Grover’s Bend, a battle of good vs. evil rages. Luckily, the Critters are being pursued by two shape shifting leather-ette bounty hunters. It’s a decent movie that is entertaining enough to watch.

Critters 2
Mick Garris

New Line Cinema, Sho Films
Released 1988

The Critters are back and you probably don’t even care. The first time you thought them all eradicated, but no! A bunch of Krite eggs that weren’t destroyed are hatching just in time for the easter egg hunt at Grover’s Bend. It all sounds awful and basically it is. Fortunately the whole team is back again to stop those hungry tumblin’ porcupine things. Duller than the original, and not much gore because of the PG-13 rating makes this sequel not worth the watch.

XTRO
Mark Forstater

Released 1983

I saw this in the new release section at the local video shop. Immediately I wondered why somebody would have remade the old one. It’s not a remake, it’s the same version. Good old dad disappeared three years ago, and finally he decides to come home. Pops has been on another planet. He wants to make his son a convert to the church, at least the Saurian order (ask yer Bish), then take him home with him. There are some cool lizard-man scenes with lots of grue and the rebirth of dad is pretty gooey and sick. But all in all, the film only creeps along (not creep meaning creep, but creep meaning creep) – one of the finest things about this film is Maryam d’Abo… naked! –B Zilla

Read more from the SLUG Archives:
B-Movie Reviews: August 1994
June Cover Story: N.S.C.