Film Review: A Minecraft Movie 

A Minecraft Movie
Director: Jared Hess
Warner Bros., Legendary Pictures, Vertigo Entertainment
In Theaters: 04.04.25

In a world with fairly recent, half decent video game adaptations (Fallout, Twisted Metal and we’ll pretend Five Nights at Freddy’s didn’t happen) the quest for the ultimate, most bestest adaptation of all time remains unvanquished. Will A Minecraft Movie win the battle and take the throne after years in production hell? The short answer, hell fucking no! 

A Minecraft Movie follows siblings Natalie (Emma Myers, Wednesday) and Henry (Sebastian Hansen, Lisey’s Story) who move to the city of Chuglass (Mr. Hess, we get it) after their parents’ deaths, which leads to Natalie becoming Henry’s legal guardian. On their first day in town, Henry befriends an aspiring mentor and washed-up video game champion from the ‘80s, Garrett “The Garbage Man” Garrison (Jason Momoa, Game of Thrones). Together their shenanigans lead to them accidentally assembling the Orb of Dominance and finding miner Steve’s (Jack Black, School of Rock) cave entrance to the Overworld (a.k.a. the world of Minecraft) alongside Natalie and her real estate agent Dawn (Danielle Brooks, Orange is the New Black). There, they must enlist Steve’s expertise to find a replacement Earth Crystal to power up a portal to get them back to the real world. All the while Steve and co. are being hunted by evil piglin witch Malgosha (Rachel House, Hunt for the Wilderpeople) from the Netherworld.

A Minecraft Movie and its five (yes, you read that right, FIVE) writers understand the formula for a successful kid movie classic. Plot A plus Plot B divided by the square root of Jennifer Coolidge equals success, right? Not quite. While A Minecraft Movie starts strong with its voiceover exposition of Steve and his journey leading him to the Overworld, it falls short with bad (not even close to the game) CGI and humor that feels more geared towards adults than children, regardless of their Minecraft knowledge. That being said, I understand just how complicated a film like A Minecraft Movie must be to adapt for the screen. Minecraft has been the hot to trot game for kids since I was in middle school in 2011. The target audience for A Minecraft Movie is impossible to pinpoint due to the overall popularity of the game and its ever-changing relevance to modern culture. Yet it’s been done before with movies like The Super Mario Bros. Movie. So why does A Minecraft Movie fall short? Besides Jared Hess’s involvement, of course. 

The answer is because it’s blatantly made by people who have no love or respect for the actual Minecraft game and its impact on pop culture. Minecraft lore has become embedded into the minds of multiple generations that grew up on the internet. It’s the same reason why Five Nights at Freddy’s was so bad: The writers don’t understand where the original draw and nostalgia for the game comes from. Think back to the days of the early internet where CaptainSparklez was making viral parodies of pop songs in the game, or when people like ZackScottGames were playing on massive “Werewolf” and “Hunger Games” servers. That was the era of Minecraft which we all thought was its heyday, though it seems like that will never end. Despite them pulling lore from Minecraft Dungeons, it’s clearly a half-assed inspiration. Even the cameos of the most currently prominent Minecraft YouTubers fumble (think “blink and you’ll miss it” at the beginning of a kids movie before any action). There’s no heart in the actual movie for a game that is majorly beloved by most internet users.

All that being said, there was a worry that plagued my mind through my viewing: Am I just too old? Is this the type of entertainment that Gen Alpha actually and unironically consumes and believes to be good? Is this how my parents felt when I wanted nothing more than to watch Mike Myers in The Cat in the Hat on a never ending loop? Are we actually going to look back in 20 years and think, “Wait, this movie is actually pretty good and was ahead of its time”? If that’s the case, God help us all. —Yonni Uribe

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