Review: Sabrina Carpenter — Man’s Best Friend
Music
Sabrina Carpenter
Man’s Best Friend
Island Records
Street: 08.29.2025
Sabrina Carpenter = Taylor Swift + Olivia Rodrigo – Dua Lipa
When did we become such prudes? No one is safe from the double standard of shaking off their purity halo of innocence when dropping a more risque public image. History is surely repeating itself, especially when it comes to little Disney Channel angels growing up to break those diamond-encrusted contracts with femme fatale sledgehammers. We’ve seen it with Miley Cyrus when she threw the blonde Hannah Montana wig to the wayside and started grinding on wrecking balls and foam fingers. You can say the same for Christina Aguilera, seeing the mouseketeer ears slingshot out of sight long before her rendition of “Wagon Wheel Watusi” in Burlesque. Demi Lovato… y’know what? She left her pixie cut and reputation back at Camp Rock. No matter how many inches these gals cut off their locks or skirts, it’s a form of rage bait publicity that got their fan base talking. However, there hasn’t been a change in its favor better than the Girl Meets World turned Short n’ Sweet siren of the music industry, Ms. Sabrina Carpenter.
In case the rock you’re living under put you in a coma for the last decade, Carpenter has been raking in chart-toppers and branding like autumn leaves. The beginnings of her singles and EPs were slow at first, with the ember-smoke of emails i can’t send showing a more vulnerable slice of the celebrity’s vida. However, it was a well-timed forest fire burning uphill after the yummy-tummy “Espresso” hit streaming services. Grammy awards, world tours, perfume lines, Christmas Specials, even a signature iced coffee at Dunkin’ Donuts all thanks to the platinum-dipped studio album Short n’ Sweet. This M.O.A.B. of girly pop tracks strengthened Carpenter’s brand of feminine empowerment, while also teasing her pinup girl antics — look, but don’t touch. So what’s the big deal? Well, the rabid fans got a peep show of her new album Man’s Best Friend and went nuclear, claiming mother was no longer mothering! Carpenter came crawling in on all fours like the good girl she is (JOKES! ALL JOKES!) to fully expose the naughty truth of sexual escapades and breakup revenge. I’m intrigued to see what Carpenter has been up to. But to the fans, don’t torch me at the stake just yet.
For this “satirical” take on the pop genre and cheesy breakup songs, Carpenter blends a Kool-Aid swill of disco and country influences on Man’s Best Friend. The most popular songs on the album butt heads between “Manchild” and “Tears.” With the happy-go-lucky beat and Carpenter’s radiant vocals, “Manchild” tells the story of a past love that ended with discovery of the ex-boy toy being… you guessed it! A manchild! The synth beat is go-go dancing for the airwaves, whereas “Tears” takes on a dark, dreamy perception as the tasteful sleaze is dialed up with that Plustwo razzle dazzle dance-pop. Here, Carpenter sexually fantasizes about men doing the bare minimum in a relationship: being responsible, embracing chivalry and worshipping her like a goddess: “I get wet at the thought of you (uh-huh) / Being a responsible guy (so responsible, shikitah) / Treating me like you’re supposed to do (uh-huh) / Tears run down my thighs.” The track plays into parodic exploitation alongside an equally campy music video giving plenty of nods to films like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Suspiria, Phantasm and predominantly The Rocky Horror Picture Show with Colman Domingo giving his best rendition of Dr. Frank-N-Furter. A man with such talent, and those AMC leeches couldn’t give him a half-decent script for Fear The Walking Dead…
The rest of the album goes heavy with this back-and-forth from roller skates to cowboy boots, ABBA to Dolly Parton. Each track feels like a misstep and missed opportunity in Carpenter’s quest for true love. “We Almost Broke Up Again Last Night” embodies those rerun moments of rage-filled couples arguments that threaten a split, but never lead anywhere. The whip-cracking “Nobody’s Son” is a saddened yet bubbly Frutiger Aero melody about how momma’s boys have ruined all chances to find someone decent. However, the most hilarious (and relatable) track is “Go Go Juice” where Carpenters dials the Dolly from “9 to 5” to a playfully seductive The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. We’ve all been alone at the bottom of whatever bottle before when the phone suddenly becomes a gateway to endless possibilities: a quick chat, a minute to apologize or a night to reconnect with broken love. Been there, done that. And mine has led to St. Patrick’s Day sleepovers!
Man’s Best Friend is a decent pop record with some catchy tunes here and there. It’s not some of Carpenter’s best work, but the cult-like fanatics will keep talking about it. I do think, however, that a lot of these tracks are beginning to paint a bigger picture of Carpenter’s never-ending love affair. It’s an ongoing battle that might continue to lead to heartache and dead ends. The fortune, fame and enterprise she has established will bring nothing more than industry-approved matchmaking or awkward situationships with ballsy assholes that’ll brag about “hooking up with Sabrina.” It’s sad to think that the woman who spent most of her teenage years working for the company that’s trademarked “happily ever after” might not see a genuine happy ending for herself, but keep your fingers crossed. We wish Sabrina the best on her journey and I wish the fans to be gentle with my corpse, once this review drops. —Alton Barnhart
Read more music reviews from Alton Barnhart:
Review: The Voidz — Męğż Øf Råm
Review: Aesop Rock — Black Hole Superette
