Skate Park Etiquette

Well, I left you little shits and your parents alone for a month. Sorry, but I have a life. Plus, I know you probably can't read anyways. Thank the Lord for pretty pictures. With that in mind, let's get to this month's lesson: No God-damned graffiti at the skate park! There is never any reason for you and your little punk friends to put up any tags or awful artwork at the park, even if you are the most badass local there.

Illustration: Snugs

I don't know if any of you spray-can-wielding children have ever seen the movie Colors, but in the movie there is a scene I would like to tell you about. In that scene there is a little kid crossing out another gang member's name on the wall when two of Los Angeles finest police officers run up on that bitch. The good cop explains to the kid he is going to get himself killed by disrespecting other people's gang tags. On the other hand, the crooked cop of the pair grabs the kid's spray can and colors his face with it quite nicely. I am that crooked cop and if I see you disrespecting any park with markers or paint you'll be going home a different color than you came. Your parents probably will not like that too much, since they are racist Republicans and want you to stay their little Aryan baby.

The whole point of this rant is that I have never seen decent artwork at any park. It is usually something totally stupid like your crappy nickname or a pot leaf that looks nothing like the real thing. The powers that be hate this kind of stuff and want none of it. I don't know if you think it's cheap to pressure spray your talent-filled garbage off, but it's not. Also, when the pressure washers come to the park and clean it, they get every transition soaking wet and puddles form. We all know this is not good for skating, that is unless you fall and crack your head open and forget what spray paint is. The fact is, the money spent on cleaning up your scribbles could be used toward the development of new parks or making existing parks better by adding lights or water fountains. Some of the parks have gone as far as closing their gates because of graffiti, and believe me, they're just looking for a reason to close those gates permanently.

Start treating your local park like it was your mother because we all know you spend more time at the park than with her. Next time you want to paint a transition or ledge, try picking up a push broom instead because no one likes fart rocks. Peace, bitches.