Localized – September 2005

SLUG Magazine has been a part of my life for over five years now. In that time period I’ve had bizarre threatening letters (the most memorable of which discussed forcing me to consume my own appendages), I’ve said horrible and inflammatory things about people who I don’t know very well, and met some of the bestest friends that I will ever hope to know. This is my last Localized before I move away from SLC and the first one that I booked myself. So, honestly, I have nothing mean or snide to say about these bands as they are incredible. Come on September 9th to the Urban Lounge to see Agape, Godstar, and Kathy & I and confess how you’ve always secretly had a crush on me.

Agape is:
Ryan Powers: Keyboards, programming, breakdancing, screaming incoherent swears and threats.

Despite all precautions taken on my part (heavy drinking, staying up late, and mingling with questionable company) I was in the hospital post surgery a recent Friday evening. Since hospital food is exactly what everyone has told you it is, awful and inedible, I recruited as many friends as I could to supply me with edible vegan food while invalid. Ryan Powers of Agape was one of those friends who rose to the task and brought me food from Bombay House for dinner and made embarrassing jokes about the nurses’ sexuality. “Do you masturbate while watching the nurses underneath your little bed table there?” Ryan started playing the piano when he was six years old. He initially hated it and refused to practice his assigned pieces, and instead learned how to play videogame theme songs by ear. “Oh, come on. You don’t just touch your clit a little bit? You know, just a little vag-rubbing?” We thought it would be clever and hilarious to do the interview while I was drugged up and in the hospital. I asked him if he had a medical fetish. “Only when I wrap my cock in your surgical gauze.” At this point, we realized our mistake and decided to resume later.

“My medical fetish ceased to exist the second you got out of the hospital.” 

Agape has been described as “jerk ass noise core,” and Ryan himself has been described as having the most “daring coiffure in Salt Lake City.” His coiffure is indeed daring, and Agape is indeed loud. In a past interview, he told me that the more he likes the crowd and the venue, the louder he plays and the more feedback he involves in his playing. He recently released his second album and played with the theatrical and equally loud band, Business Lady, for his CD release party.

This is the first time that a band has been interviewed twice for Localized. “I certainly feel that I’m taking full advantage of SLUG Magazine. But I also think that there aren’t any other bands that are worth listening too and who also haven’t been covered yet. I don’t think that publicity is ever going to convince somebody to come to a show. The time is past when someone sees a flier with bands they have never heard of and goes to that show. Maybe in the Midwest where there is genuinely nothing else to do, but most places. There are so many subcultures and people want to be increasingly esoteric and have their own little niche.” Agape played a house party at which the host flicked the lights on and off and demanded everyone dance or leave. A group or club of anorexic pubescent girls came to the party, and now consider themselves fans of Agape. When they go out together and drink ice water, I like to believe that they discuss the complexities of jerk-ass-noise-core.

Godstar
Xkot Toxsik: Master of ceremonies
Hell: Dominion over the 72 spirits of the subatomic
JJ Falcon: Commands the phonic and atmospheric aethyrs
Baby Cyclops: Giver of the gifts of Kolob
Master Mahon: Master of the great secret
Horseflesh: Guardian and manipulator of the crossing
The Oracle: Keeper of the keys of Oliblish
Can D Ass TNT: Generalissimo of the libidinous

Ostensibly, the members of Godstar are my friends and acquaintances, so they were to meet at my house for our interview. At the appointed hour, they all arrived wearing masks and equipped with a blindfold.

“The vortex , located at Ensign Peak, is atop the obelisk. Upon the obelisk’s pinnacle is a plaque which reads ‘Kolob.’ It is here that our dimension and yours intersect. Tonight, you will have the unique opportunity to meet the members of Godstar. JJ Falcon was almost unable to break through the interdimensional barrier as he was battling a fleet of intergalactic dragons. But luckily, he was able to break away momentarily and pass through Ensign Peak.” This was said by Xkot Toxsik as I was blindfolded and led to the waiting vehicle. I have a friend who I don’t see often anymore because everytime I call him, he’s engaged in slaying mythical creatures online. “We were going to throw you in the trunk, but this way we can prepare you more effectively for your upcoming experience.”

Every member of Godstar wears a lavish and detailed costume, which denotes either obsession or dedication for a band that will have performed a total of twice, and both times at an underground venue, by the time they play Localized. More than anything else, they want the experience of seeing their band live to be both memorable and disturbing.

We arrived at the mysterious destination and I immediately regretted wearing heels as I was led, still blindfolded, up a flight of stairs and directed to sit on a stool. Music started playing and Xkot, hooded and wearing a tophat, removed the blindfold. “Western medicine has failed you.” Xkot intoned into a microphone through his black hood. “Only I, using my mystical skills of barbery, am able to excise the neck demon who torments you.” With a giant butcher knife, he pantomimed sawing my neck and removed a tumor-snake with one eye and jagged teeth. Baby Cyclops waved her arms about behind him, motioning with muppet-like dexterity to emphasize the miniature performance. The music stops, and without saying much the members of Godstar, besides Xkot, remove their instruments and leave. Xkot is clearly the one in control of the trajectory of the band. They sound like an eighties glam rock band that joined a cult, with a heavy reliance on keyboards and distinct vocals, interlaced with sampled dialogue from cult classic movies.

“Our dimensional star systems are actually superimposed on the Great Eye of the Beehive. It is there that an intersection or an axis occurs between the two dimensions. Kolob, the first creation and our homeworld, is so distant that we must superimpose it upon another timeline in order to travel to Salt Lake.” The symbols from LDS garments are painted over his eyes, and various body parts dangle from his shirt. This entire production was staged for an audience of one: myself. What they do when they seriously perform is even more ornate and complex, involving miniature Baby Cyclopses, simulated sex with shoes and giant tongues, and a variety of other indescribably acts.

SLUG Mag’s Localized
Fri., 9//9 10p.m.
The Urban Lounge