Mike Brown: A Princess Ramona Update


A few weeks ago a cuddly and cute kitten wandered its way to my work parking lot.  Which is under the freeway and not really adjacent to any living complexes near by.  Clearly lost, she (the kitten) was just begging me to take her home, tugging at my cat-impaled heart strings with every meow.  But alas, I definitely don’t live in a two cat apartment and Princess Ramona has literally never seen another cat since she came out of her mom’s vagina.

I brought the kitty some food and a blanket and made a little home for her in my kitty carrier and decided to see if anyone would claim her.  I empowered my social media to get some dopamine “likes” and to see if by chance any of my stupid online friends were missing a cat. She clearly belonged to someone, not a feral fur on her.  And I thought it would be fucked up to take someone else’s cat too.

So the next morning I took said kitty to animal control where they scanned her for a micro chip which she did not have. Get your pets chipped, people. And for all I know, her owners found her unless they didn’t want her, she was up for adoption, or executed her by lethal injection.  Kinda sad but that’s the real world, folks.

This led me to believe that all you readers are just dying for an update on my cat, Princess Ramona.  So here it is! Since Princess Ramona was last featured in the mag a lot has changed. We moved away from Rose Park back Downtown. I thought she might have anxiety about missing her best friend, my roommate’s dog Ender who raised her. But nope, cats do not harbor abandonment issues in the same manner I thought they would.

She has turned out to enjoy and relish the apartment cat lifestyle. She never dashes for the door and I got her a cat tree to enjoy the splendid views that 500 South provides. Basically, she knows the apartment belongs to her, not me. And I spoil and cater to her every need. Which basically includes food, a place to shit and plenty of toys.

I rarely have company due to my solitary lifestyle, but Ramona doesn’t mind other people or bong smoke for that matter. She has also packed on some pounds, I think cats are cuter when they are chubby, although I have been fat shaming her in hopes of her maintaining her health. Its not working. She’s still fat.

Also she does not give a shit about my aquarium or my fish. I thought the aquarium would be instant Cat TV.  But no, she could care less about my underwater wonderland. This might be for the best, I don’t have to worry about her putting her paws in the tank.

Speaking of paws, Princess Ramona still has 13 front toes that I have to trim weekly.  Like most girls, she’s pretty good about getting her nails done.  She gets a little squirmy but never seems to harbor a grudge, but the fact of the matter is I have to trim those claws or they’ll curl and grow into her paws.  She’s either a mutant or super inbred, due to how dumb she can be. Or she’s just a Hemingway Cat and they are all clumsy and dumb.  

Other updates include: She still is excellent at the spill game, and tries to eat my food. Anything that is important to me she tries to sit on. And she hates wearing dresses so I quit doing that. And like I said she got fat and doesn’t fit into her current kitten wardrobe. That’s about all, take care of your pets, folks.