Dear Dickheads – November 2008

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Dear Dickheads,
C'mon Sluggers, are we gonna have to move to a city that actually has a scene to find some love for our band. You guys should be on top of this, you should be hangin' all over our jocks. You should have our ugly faces all over your cover. Is there no room for our brand of Jazz Punk in your cheeky little clique'? Sorry we don't have any tattoos, sorry we don't wear geek glasses or studded belts. Sorry none of our players have ripped off one of your minion's ideas for a hair style. Sorry we don't fit your preconcieved notion of what non-conformity looks like. But are we really destined to be outcasts among outcasts? Are you really going to wait for your little sister to tell you how much we rock before you attempt to support us? Never even been so far as mentioned by you guys... The Fully Blown

Dear TFB,
Maybe it's time to get a little more proactive. Sending bitchy emails via MySpace doesn't really count as a good marketing tactic. We can't actually cover you unless you're doing something that deserves coverage. Ever think of sending us an album to review? Or even easier, show dates for our Daily Calendar? There are two simple ways to grace the pages of SLUG Mag.

Dear Dickheads,
Holy moly. Did it take you all four months since that zine was submitted to conjure up that sparkling little paragraph? 5 full (actually, run-on) sentences! Could you just not think of anything else clever to say about the other two cartoonists? I'm sure there's something else about a hamburger you could've said. Next time, look for someone with an Abercrombie shirt and a visor on and ask them. They're full of wit too. The sentence you used to review my section was just sad. Are you really so insecure in your stance on veganism or straight edge that you can't see past it to give a full compliment? Love,
Robin Banks

Dear Robin,
As you already know, Patricia doesn't care and didn't want you to write, but the rest of us at SLUG love to get letters. Let me remind you of the first rule when submitting something to SLUG Mag, never expect us to say anything nice. If you wanted your ass kissed maybe you should talk to whoever is in charge of the Arty Awards at City Weekly. It might be good to give Mike Brown's Leviathan some healthy competition.

Hugs and Kisses,