Dear Dickheads – September 2008

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Dear Dckheads,
You guys are a badass magazine. Youre chock full of locally-produce literary goodness and local ads that help keep SLC more like a farmer's market and less like a Wal-Mart.
But I have a bone to pick with you... You say the word Fuck too much.
Admittedly, no other word expresses so well the angst and frustration that normal people like you and I feel from being repressed by a theocratic society. But in the Ska issue (#235), it looked like the word was being tossed around with such carelessness that it was in danger of losing its precious meaning.
It's a sad day when you build up a tolerance to Fuck, and then have to fucking use it in-befucking- tween every other fucking wordfuck just for shock value. Therefore, I present to you a challenge: to go an entire issue without dropping one F-bomb. You can call it the No-Fuck issue. So how about it, SLUG?
Let's take a Fuck detox and let our precious word regain some of its glorious meaning, and only use it when it's absolutely necessary.
-Nick Mostert

Dear Noobie Nick,
Have you ever read a book by anyone besides Henry Rollins? Since when did the word fuck ever hold "precious meaning" as you call it? To say fuck is more like a grunt, a reflex, that's uncalculated and reactionary. It is like spitting on the pavement. Do you follow people around and censor them for spitting on the pavement and soiling the delicate message of a wad of snot and saliva pervading the pavement? Read a fucking book man. There are plenty of overused, worthy words to save, like shit, bitch and cunt.

Dear Dickheads,
Thank you so much for mags. I owe ya big time! At this time I must ask that you send no more. I am being released and will most likely be heading to Reno N.V. (It seems they want a piece of my ass as well.) But I will be back to the Great Salt City. ("The Lake" as known by us cons.) And back on the scene.
I would be willing to repay your kindness in any way. Such as volunteering for any grunt work you might have. Or just paying the $15 subscription price. Whatever. I love this city and I love your mag. Way to keep it real! Anyway, I just wanted to let you know not to send anymore. Now, to all you dickheads out there. You know who you are! I've payed my debt to this great state for possession of a controlled substance and felony fleeing. So get off my ass! Remember, judge not lest ye be judged. Blah, blah, blah! And so forth, and so on. Peace out!
The Utah Outlaw
P.S. Thanx again! And Fuck U.D.C!

Dear Utah Outlaw,
No grunt work needed, just tell your friends, cell mates and enemies about SLUG Mag and that they can get their own year long subscription to the mag for a measly $15. And unlike the book American Hardcore, we have yet to be banned from any prison system for objectionable material––the prison guards must not be reading Mike Brown's column eh? Good luck in Reno dude. Stay away from those controlled substances.

Love,
SLUG Magazine
xo