Kickflip for Jesus? Separation of Church and Skate, Please.

Christianity seems to infiltrate youth culture in the strangest ways. As soon as the Born Agains get a whiff of what the hip kids are doin’, all of a sudden Jesus is doing it too. Honestly, I haven’t really read the Bible cover-to-cover, but I don’t think there was one fucking skateboard in there.  And I’m sure if Jesus wanted to, he could do a wicked awesome switch kickflip Smith down a 12 (that’s skater talk), but I don’t think he would. It’s hard to skate in sandals.

Just like Tooth and Nail, the Christian punk-rock label, Born Agains are taking the same road to convince kids that they are eternally fucked if they don’t give their lives up for Jesus. You can still skateboard; you just have to pray that you’ll land your tricks. You also have to skateboard for Jesus.  Which I don’t understand. I understand liking Jesus; lots of people like the dude. But why does someone now have to do a physical activity for the guy? Going to church can be hard enough.  Besides, I can’t think of any Christian basketball teams.

I know that the whole born-again Christian skateboard thing isn’t too prevalent around these parts. The Born Agains are probably afraid of the local competition. I don’t think I have to mention what that is. But I do know a lot of Mormon skaters, and none of them will admit to riding their skateboard to gain a stronger testimony.  They usually skate for the same reason I do, for fun.  

Ok, so here’s where the shit gets creepy. Billy Baldwin – yes, Billy Baldwin – is running an organization dedicated to producing videos and putting on demos of Christian Skateboarders and BMXers. He released a really shitty video called “Livin’ It,” which I have not seen, but have been informed that it is disgustingly horrible. I heard his extreme video is worse than Bio Dome, if that’s even possible.  

Apparently, the Baldwin brother with the most recessive genes is hell-bent on spreading the word of God and Jesus via the extreme market.  It reminds me of what Hank Hill said about Christian rock, and the same thing applies to Christian skateboarding: “Can’t you see that you’re not making Christianity better?  You’re just making skateboarding worse.”  

Billy Baldwin’s organization is funded by a guy named Luis Palau. Luis Palau is a youth minister who actually has strong connections to the Bush administration. When the president decides how to fuck a certain country, sometimes Luis Palau is praying right along side him. Luis Palau is a scary, scary man.  The fact that he’s connected to one of the world’s most notorious and dangerous organized crime syndicates (the Bush Administration) makes my bowels dance in unpleasant ways.  At Luis Palau and Billy Baldwin’s skateboard sermons, Luis is often quick to talk about his gay little brother and how he died of AIDS and how that’s what God wanted – so much for being a Wet Boy.  

I guess the thing that bothers me the most about this sort of movement is that these Born Again extreme-monkeys haven’t really done anything to get skateboarding where it is today. ESPN and Nike float in the same boat. They didn’t do shit for skateboarding when no one cared about it.

Skateboarding, as a whole, has gone in waves as far as its popularity is concerned. Right now is probably the biggest wave skateboarding has ever seen. So where were the Born Agains when no one gave a shit about skating? If no one gave a shit about skateboards right now, would they be trying to do what they are doing?  I think the answer is a great big “Fuck no.”  

Another reason why skateboarding, or doing any physical activity, for Jesus, makes no sense to me is that a lot of people can’t do certain physical activities. Like people in wheelchairs. They physically cannot skateboard for Christ so does that mean that they go to hell? What’s the message you’re trying to send to the kids?  That God hates people in wheelchairs and people in third-world countries who don’t have paved roads to skateboard on, anyway?

I have no problem with someone wanting to be a born-again Christian. In America, we can believe whatever the fuck we want, no matter how stupid it is. I just don’t want to see skateboarding pigeonholed with any organization of any sort.  One of the most beautiful things about skateboarding is how it breaks down barriers between different types of people. The goofy Mormon kid and the idiot wastoid kid have something to share with each other because of skateboarding. So do the tight-pantsed Hesh guy and the big t-shirt fresh guy. You can find them all skateboarding together, for the most part, in a weird sort of harmony.  

A Christian skateboard movement will only harm that. Don’t let it happen.