Authors: Dickheads
Dear Dickheads – October 2013
I don’t know if you know this … but goth is actually (gasp!) the COOL thing right now! The 20-something hipsters have been all over this shit—the TRVST show packed Urban, and industrial robot/man Author & Punisher made a full-house crowd his BITCH at Bar Deluxe earlier this year. Where were YOU? … read more
Dear Dickheads – November 2013
I go to shows at Urban Lounge pretty frequently. It’s a relatively clean, intimate venue where I know the sound quality is gonna be consistent, I’m not gonna break the bank buying a ticket, and I can grab a drink while I listen to my favorite bands. However, the drink part of the Urban Lounge experience is starting to become a problem for myself and other music lovers, and someone’s gotta bring attention to it. … read more
Dear Dickheads – December 2013
Is there a reason why your magazine is concealing how fucking nice Mike Brown is in real life? Do you wave free Utah Jazz tickets (or beer…probably beer) in front of his maw and say, “Now, now, Mike. You can have these, but you’re going to have to continue your schtick of acting like a goddamn self-obsessed lunatic in public. … read more
Dear Dickheads – September 2013
I am the guitarist/singer for a local Ogden metal band. Over the last few weeks here someone has taken offense to our t shirts with a slogan that says “AT LEAST I’M NOT MORMON”. This sad pathetic person has spammed several Facebook pages under a fake account and even tried to get us booted off shows claiming they would boycott the venue. … read more
Dear Dickheads – September 2013 (2)
I am the guitarist/singer for a local Ogden metal band. Over the last few weeks here someone has taken offense to our t shirts with a slogan that says “AT LEAST I’M NOT MORMON”. This sad pathetic person has spammed several Facebook pages under a fake account and even tried to get us booted off shows claiming they would boycott the venue. … read more
Dear Dickheads – August 2014
Dear Dickheads,
So I just read your review of the SLC Punk 2 concert on the SLUG website, and while it’s adequate (if a bit dry), I’m a lot more upset by the actions of Ben Weasel than your reviewer seemed to be. … read more
Dear Dickheads – September 2014
I respect your decision to identify as and call yourself a tranny … but … it is not O.K. to lambast other people who take issue with the word as it’s used against them, and it is especially offensive that any person would define someone else’s identity against their own repeated public insistence otherwise. … read more
Dear Dickheads – July 2014
Dear Dickheads,
How long does it take before Karma completely fucks over someone’s life? … read more
Dear Dickheads – May 2014
Hey there officer: Not everyone is an uninformed smoker. You seem to be a very uninformed and disassociated so I figured I would do the 15 minutes of google research you opted out of. I’m going to go ahead and cover as many points as possible before my high wears off. … read more
Dear Dickheads – June 2014
Dear Dickheads,
When a group of kids came longboarding into my store and asked me how to remove an evil spirit from their Ouija board, I had to think about it for a minute. There are so many layers of fractal stupidity inherent to the question that it was impossible not to answer it sarcastically. It seemed incredible to me that a group of teenagers would possess within them the power to behold the forbidden knowledge of the Realm That Lies Beyond, but also tragically lack the necessary training to release a bonded spirit from their service. And why did they think some guy working the counter at a board game store would know about it? It’s not like I can afford to go to wizard college. This is why we can’t have nice things.
… read more
Dear Dickheads – March 2014
Have you ever had one of those days when you don’t wanna wake up? One of those days when everything is fucked, everybody sucks? And you don’t really know why, but you want justify ripping someone’s head off? Well that’s how I feel when it snows in Utah. … read more
Dear Dickheads – April 2014
Dear (Feminist) Dickheads: Are you beautifulgenital-heads familiar with social media ‘pranksters’ Andrew Hales and Stuart Edge? These two actual dicks-for-heads are Provo-based collaborative ‘pranksters’ whose comedic oeuvre largely consists of preying on women in public spaces, usually in heavily-trafficked pedestrian areas on local college campuses. … read more
